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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 643238" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I love this.</p><p></p><p>I am detaching from my cast-of-Star-Wars-villains family of origin, too.</p><p></p><p>There is something hilarious about picturing my family in that bar scene from the first movie.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We must have the same son.</p><p></p><p>Another mom told me once that a counselor told her that the difficult child only stops being angry when he or she has stopped using and can see clearly again.</p><p></p><p>That is one way counselors know whether a client is using or not. Those still using blame their parents.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>We would never know, with difficult child son. He would just pop in. One time, he popped in for two weeks...with two children, a significant other, and a dog.</p><p>We just looked up one day and there they all were.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Stellar.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This was true for us, too.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>True.</p><p></p><p>So hurtfully true.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Me, too. I don't have research to back this up, but I believe certain drugs affect the victim's ability to feel empathy.</p><p></p><p>That must be a very lonely, frightening way to feel.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have found that any vulnerability on my part encourages toxic people to take advantage in ways impossible for them when I was healthy and centered and strong.</p><p></p><p>And they do it, too.</p><p></p><p>Ha! THERE IS THAT STAR WARS IMAGERY!!!</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Ouch.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Losing a child (as, in one way or another, we all have here) does change everything we thought we knew, does change who we believed we were.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I love this.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I will read this today.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for posting.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Great point. Something for all of us to remember.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I agree.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>No.</p><p></p><p>You were a good mom for that. It is impossible to see where our difficult child child is in his life and feel we parented well. Just as it is impossible to see a successful child and feel we parented badly, even if we did.</p><p></p><p>It is a hard thing, to find our centers, to come to believe in ourselves again.</p><p></p><p>But we do.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 643238, member: 17461"] I love this. I am detaching from my cast-of-Star-Wars-villains family of origin, too. There is something hilarious about picturing my family in that bar scene from the first movie. :O) *** We must have the same son. Another mom told me once that a counselor told her that the difficult child only stops being angry when he or she has stopped using and can see clearly again. That is one way counselors know whether a client is using or not. Those still using blame their parents. We would never know, with difficult child son. He would just pop in. One time, he popped in for two weeks...with two children, a significant other, and a dog. We just looked up one day and there they all were. Stellar. This was true for us, too. True. So hurtfully true. Me, too. I don't have research to back this up, but I believe certain drugs affect the victim's ability to feel empathy. That must be a very lonely, frightening way to feel. It is. I have found that any vulnerability on my part encourages toxic people to take advantage in ways impossible for them when I was healthy and centered and strong. And they do it, too. Ha! THERE IS THAT STAR WARS IMAGERY!!! :O) Ouch. Losing a child (as, in one way or another, we all have here) does change everything we thought we knew, does change who we believed we were. I love this. I will read this today. Thank you for posting. Great point. Something for all of us to remember. I agree. Yes. No. You were a good mom for that. It is impossible to see where our difficult child child is in his life and feel we parented well. Just as it is impossible to see a successful child and feel we parented badly, even if we did. It is a hard thing, to find our centers, to come to believe in ourselves again. But we do. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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