could husband be???

[Jena]

a difficult child? i know i must sound nuts with-all my posts. Yet truth is for years I have wondered about him somewhat.

He is and can be the sweetest man in the world, will give to homeless people food from store, will give me his last dime to make me or kids happy, is an excellent provider.

Yet husband has sleep issues, always has. that's part of why i'm always so tired. granted his schedule is rough yet he can't seem to unwind until 2 or 3 a.m. now, it's getting worse. some nights he crashes bigtime. he does work alot.

yet he's very into routine or plans, can't stand when a plan changes with-o notice. our life is forever changing as you all know. He also has a short fuse, if you push hard enough or even slightly he gets very frustrated. hes' moody, he's impulsive i've come to notice. He can stand there and say how monies tight, than run to store to go pick up milk and return with-expensive vegetables for dinner, spices etc. sounds silly yet he really does do that. he doesnt sit well, he fidgets. he cant' sit for long. on his days off if he does during day he loses it, if he sits at night on days off he falls asleep.

i've spoken to him about it. i said maybe your just simply exhausted, depressed over continuing difficult child situation. i dont know or maybe it's something more.

i said i love you so much yet on your days off your grumpy and quiet moody and removed. it's like day and night between that and midnite. at midnite he's charged, happy, smiling, totally different.

it could just be situational. yet odd thing is i'll tell him your being a bit nasty right now or short and he doesn't see it at all. truly. he really doestn' get how he overall presents at certain times.

like me i get when i'm a total witch i really do.

any thoughts??

 

[Shari]

Well, if hyper, inability to sit, fidgeting, and struggling to unwind make him a difficult child, so am I!!!

I don't know. I guess my take on being a difficult child is if you can function in your daily life. Having BiPolar (BP) doesn't necessarily make you a difficult child. Not managing your BiPolar (BP) so that you lose your family/license/home/job/etc might.

My difficult child 1, I would say, has found a job the fits his abilities AND his deficits and he is excelling at it. Which, in my mind, makes him largely a easy child now. Guess I'm just a little too gun shy, tho, to change it in writing yet.

He could be a difficult child. Then again, it could be normal marital bliss hitting.

 

[susiestar]

Many of us have some difficult child traits or characteristics. I think there are a whole lot of adults in the world who would have an autistic spectrum diagnosis, adhd diagnosis, or other diagnosis if htey were children now. I know I would have an Aspie diagnosis if I had been evaluated as a child. Back when we were kids no one got evaluated or diagnosis'd unless they were super severely disordered. We got swats or detention, sent to bed with-o dinner, and told that we WOULD comply - and mostly we did because to some extent we feared our parents wrath.

Your husband may have some problem that hasn't been diagnosis'd. It could be that he is as overwhelmed as you are and has no way to cope so when he is home all day on a day off he just cannot cope and gets grumpy. it would be unlikely that both of you did not have some degree of depression. You have a child in the home who takes a HUGE toll on the family and he has an ex that he has to negotiate with as they raise their kids. It is a whole lot to handle and when he goes to work he can put it out of his mind.

The question now isn't if he is or isn't a difficult child. It is how the 2 of you will navigate through these challenges.

 

[Jena]

lol. my step son has add bad. he's not medicated, receives no therapy. ex wont' bring him, doesnt' wanna spend the co pay the time etc. she's a real piece of work. alot of times we joke how husband is just like stepson. yet in actuality it's the truth.

we can be in a store and if husband sees something glittery on way out he has to touch it, look at it, etc. it's the funniest thing.yet the other junk not so funny.

i have complained about him alot, and im bad for doing that i do love the man i married him. i'm just finding his stuff and difficult child's stuff at same time a little hard to manage right now

 

[HaoZi]

Could also have some middle-life issues going on, but most guys don't like discussing that. Sounds more like a night person, too.

 

[Jena]

oh boy we went thru that a few years ago already lol. not going there again LOL. we'll c and good question susie. for now i'm going to sleep when i need to and he sits up playing with his new phone. as far as during day i told him you stay home, catch up on sleep, do something for you ill run to doctor's with difficult child on your days off. than maybe when i return you'll feel like you got some you time. i have no clue how to handle it. he's just high maintenance kinda guy, always thought he wasn't. high maintenance woman and guy together. ah the perfect fit.

 

[Shari]

Susie might have nailed it. He probably feels at home like you would if you have to be a cake decorator on Cake Boss for the day...like a fish out of water. Yeah, its home, but its likely not all that relaxing (my home isn't for me - its just another place to work) and while you've become a semi-pro at handling it and dealing with it, he hasn't had the same...um...opportunity.

But Susie's also right in that the why is only important to know enough about how to handle it going forward.

 

[HaoZi]

we can be in a store and if husband sees something glittery on way out he has to touch it, look at it, etc. it's the funniest thing.

Flashbacks to Foxworthy again, how rednecks like shiny stuff and it being why bass boats have glitter paint jobs.

 

[susiestar]

Well, one of the nice things about having someone with adhd around is if they get mad it is only a little while until they get distracted by something. I have a friend who's husband was clearly undx'd adhd. If they got into an argument and he was being ridiculous (like fighting with her over why his dog ate his shoes when HE is the one who insisted on being the only one to train it, or why she wore a red shirt when he thought she was wearing a pink one or whatever idiotic thing), she just took her shirt off. One glimpse of her assets and he was no longer angry. He didn't always get what he then wanted, but he stopped arguing.

I had an older relative who developed a very short attention span and memory issues as he developed alzheimers. His wife and my parents had a really hard time getting him to do things he needed to. I didn't. I just patiently reminded him that it was HIS idea to go do whatever and he went along very nicely. While it generally isn't nice to lie, when it is that or a fight with someone who truly is incapable of reasoning, well, it made life a whole lot safer for him AND for his much tinier wife. Otherwise it was like having a very angry 2yo who was 6'3" and STRONG.

I am not saying to lie to your husband, but you can use distraction to your advantage when it is in the best interest of the family.

Has he had a complete checkup recently? My husband had some of the same symptoms a few years ago and we learned that his testosterone was quite low. It was easy to get an rx to replace it and it made a HUGE difference. AFter a couple of years his body began to make more so he didn't need the rx, so it isn't something that will always need to be supplemented neccessarily.

 

[Shari]

Flashbacks to Foxworthy again, how rednecks like shiny stuff and it being why bass boats have glitter paint jobs.

I saw a Ford Ranger painted in that super sparkley bass boat glitter the other day. Laughed my butt off!

 

[Jena]

that is very funny on all counts!! Susie you are good at making best of what you got!!! lol. is this how marriages survive past their expiration date?? ha ha

personally i like shiney things too! i need some chickens, a horse, some sparkly boats, a chicken house or whatever shari used to hang out in. what am i doing here in long island?? feels sooo very wrong!!! ugh!!! i keep adopting animals from shelter, when what i really want is farm animals in our backyard. husband said it's illegal due to size

 

[Jena]

all the moms up at school used to talk about their nails, where they get their hair done, who went to what gym, whose party they were going to this weekend. hmmm i'd show up covered in dog hair and sand from dog beach. what doesnt' fit in this picture???

 

[HaoZi]

Then if you're like me, you ease over close enough to their nice clothes and fluff enough dog/cat hair on their clothes to drive them nuts.

 

[Jena]

ok if i began rubbing against the mom's in this neighborhood? LOL. let's just say they'd have more to talk about than difficult child. mom's here are ODD, strange. i keep a safe distance, and now yay i get to go to doctor's all day and dont' have to be around the snudy l.i. mom's. no insults to anyone from long island i'm sure you are not like the witches here

 

[Shari]

If it makes you feel any better, I'm pretty sure I could make myself an outcast on Mars.

I fit in about like pea fowl in the arctic...

 

[Jena]

oh stop lol, you would fit in anywhere!! lol. me i dont' give a ****, i like me that's all that counts. so me, myself and i hang out!! lol. yes making multiple personalities now to deal with-the b.s. in my life!!!

 

[HaoZi]

Never said rub on them, lol. Wear something that's really billowy and just do the "get the fur off" fluffing thing with it so the hair floats off in their direction. If you're outside with a decent prevailing wind it's even better. There are reasons I stay home most of the time even on the few occasions I can afford to go somewhere. I don't fit in, so I have fun making some of them even more uncomfortable around me.

 

[Jena]

oh great so we're all a bunch of misfits?? LOL

 

[HaoZi]

My bad, I thought that was already established. I know in my case it is, and since I kinda sorta feel like I'm starting to fit in here, I figured at least some of y'all were also misfits like me, lol.

 

[Shari]

I got a birthday card at work once.

It has a bunch of people in a zoo enclosure, doing random office-ish things. Then another person is standing at the rail looking at them. The sign on the exhibit says "Rif Raf". It is totally my fav card, and I got it from my fav boss EVER.