Could use a little board juju, positive thoughts for PC17 & me-visiting colleges

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Signorina, Feb 15, 2012.

  1. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    PC17 has been accepted at his second choice school which is a very good mid size state university. He is wait listed at his first choice which is a HUGE Big 10 State University.

    I was surprised that he fell in love with his first choice. PC17 is a little quirky, has had the same tight knit group of 5 friends since age 4 and has always preferred familiarity over big and new. He eats the same thing for lunch everyday. His clothes are folded with military precision and he makes his bed immediately after awakening. He is just that kinda kid.

    He's been wavering a bit about his first choice. His girlfriend of nearly 3 years is going to a smaller school in the same town as his second choice. And he admits that maybe#1 is a little too big.

    Anywho - we had been trying to get him to apply to more schools. He wants to be an English major and the next great American author. I think a liberal arts college would be a better choice. He recently slept over at his boyfriend's house and came home and decided to apply to a GREAT smaller private Catholic University which I think would be a perfect fit for him. His boyfriend has also been accepted as has and lots of kids from our town have attended. He was accepted and we are visiting there this weekend. If I tell him I love it - it will totally turn him off. It's only 2 hours from girlfriend's planned school - so they could still see each other. Of course its 100x more expensive than the state schools, but I think he could be really happy there. His boyfriend's mom and I are friends and I think she twisted PCs arm on my behalf! I should add that they go to different High Schools yet have maintained their close friendship throughout. And they bring out the best in each other. But even if his boyfriend doesn't go there, I still think it's a good fit for easy child.

    Confession: It's emotionally very hard taking him to see schools and thinking of him going away after everything that happened with difficult child. My heart's really heavy. easy child has always been great and substance free yet I worry. And difficult child's former uni is basically the twin of easy child's 2nd choice - same system, 1 hour apart. If he wants to go there (we are visiting it on the way to school #3)-we will honor his decision but it makes me a little queasy.

    So, could I have some happy thoughts for a good weekend and maybe a little juju that he will legitimately fall in love with choice #3???

    Shhh....don't tell him I asked you.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    been there done that. It's a weird blend of exciting and frightening. husband and I took turns with the four kids who YIKES were in college at the same time. I found myself getting sentimental on the trips because it dawned on me that "home" wouldn't be "home" for that much longer. Sigh!

    The decision will be empowering (and likely a little scarey) for easy child. I don't think you have to say much because easy child's read our emotions so well. Sending Board juju your way and enjoy your precious time alone. Hugs DDD
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and saying prayers that easy child finds his place easily.
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Hello Signorina,
    All the best...your son sounds really terrific, and if you can just keep your delight under wraps, he might pick it! If he really likes it this weekend, he may be hesitant to choose that school because of the high tuition. He may love the school, and not say anything to you, because he might not wish to burden you and your husband, esp. after everything you've gone through with your older son. You might have to reassure him that you and husband can work it out. Enjoy every great milestone - at the very least, it'll be fun to get away and enjoy time alone with your son.
  5. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hugs Sig.... try to enjoy the visit with your easy child and enjoy the process... and yeah bite your tongue!! It may trigger some feelings/worries for you given what happened with difficult child.... so keep those thoughts to yourself when with easy child and then bring them to us! We are here to listen.

    My easy child daughter is in the process of thinking about what colleges to apply for etc. It is so exciting to think about her going to college and yet i will miss her so much.... and just being in this process with her makes me sad that we never even got to go through it with difficult child.

  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thanks guys - all four of us are going. Figure it's a good motivator for PC14 to realize that his freshman and sophomore year grades really will count. I checked out the "paying for college" section on their website and the calculator made it seem likely that he would be offered a decent chunk of "gift aid" aka scholarship money. Which makes it nearly on par with a state school. So I am hoping I like it, he likes it and it is a good fit all around!

    Based on my experience with difficult child's school - I find the state university system leaves much to be desired. I threw myself at their mercy to step in with difficult child before the semester began and let them know he was abusing substances and instead they helped him get a credit card to pay his way himself. And he failed out and now is in worse shape. I don't know that a private school would be any better in that respect but the faith based aspect gives me hope.

    We sent our kids to parochial school thru grade 8 and I myself went to a Catholic college -- and I think this could be a better fit for our family and for him as a Lib Arts major. I am probably over thinking it and it is his choice - I am just hoping that this school will be HIS choice LOL
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Or... it could be some other school or program entirely. And therein lies one of the great mysteries of life... we make plans, life happens, and the two don't necessarily line up!
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    IC - if this kid doesn't make up his mind soon - I might strangle him. Plus, we need to gt a housing deposit in so he will have a dorm room somewhere! I am not sure we can hold out until March 15 on the waitlist to decide - dorms fill up fast.

    We've been visiting schools since last February and UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO was recruiting him and HE WAS TOTALLY DISINTERESTED IN THEM

    I am just glad my friend got him to apply to a 3rd school! I really hope this is the one for him.
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope that he finds a school that will be the best possible fit for him. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sig I am ordering you to go on this college visit with a light heart. easy child deserves this, you deserve this. easy child has worked hard and this should be an exciting time for him. I remember our college visits with easy child and we really enjoyed them. I want you both to be free of anxieties so that you can both make the best decision for him. You will know what is right for him, he will feel it and you will see it in his face.

    This is one of those times when you really have to put everything else behind you and focus only on easy child. I am excited for you. Go and have a good time.

  11. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Good juju heading your way!
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hope it all goes well for you guys! Let us know ok?
  13. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Hope all of you have a good time seeing the colleges. My oldest went to a non state college and with all the scholarships they gave him, his tuition was less than the state college our middle son went to. Have a great trip and let us know how it went.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just realized that I haven't heard how the college trip ended up. If you've already posted I missed it. So which school impressed your son most? Did you guys have fun? I hope so. DDD
  15. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Thanks for asking DDD. We had fun. It was exhausting - "good" state school #1 was a 4.5 hour drive and we left at 5:00 am to get there on time. We did the whole shebang - "sales pitch" at 9:30 am, breakout into student session & parent session at 10:15 (h was falling asleep and easy child 2 was bored - so they went to the car for a nap LOL), battled cafeteria lines for lunch at noon, student ambassador panel at 1:00, campus tour ending at 3:45 and then took PCs to a highly recommended ice cream parlor and hit the road for the 3 hour drive to the next town. Got there at 7:30, hit the Mall of America - at which point H and I were punchy and PCs wanted to see everything! So we left them and checked into the hotel and met them for dinner at 9:00 pm.

    Next day we had the 10:00 am tour and sessions at the private uni which I LOVED. And they offered PC17 substantial scholarship $!! Campus was great, CLEAN, perfect size for him. He fell in love -- BUT -- his love began to wane as he & his girlfriend texted back and forth... we ate at the recommended & famous "Diners, Drive Ins & Dives" restaurant and drove 6 hours home to get home by 9pm

    So, he agreed to put the dorm deposit down of $200 at private uni since their housing is scarce. He has the $100 admit deposit down at the "good" state school. He has not registered for the "good" state school aptitude tests nor put the dorm deposit down there. He has yet to request the admit deposit for the private uni. He is still waiting (March 15) to hear from the big state school which had been his first choice at which he is waitlisted. Confused? Me too.

    On one hand, I think any of the schools is a good choice for him. I think the private uni is the BEST choice - based upon his major, his personality and my comfort level. But he won't want to hear that from me. I worry because I really feel the big state university is way too big for him at 40,000 students. As much as I would like to see him get in - I almost hope he doesn't so that it is off the table. I feel at this point he should be deciding between his two "second" choices - but I fear if I push him, I will push him away from the school we think is best for him.

    I did pretty well. During the sales pitch video at school #1, a tear rolled down my face because I remember when difficult child was one of those bright shining faces with the whole world before him. But no one saw it and the feeling didn't linger.

    On the way to school #2, we passed through Rochester - my dad was being treated at the Mayo Clinic in his last year and I stayed there with him and my mom for about 3 weeks. I was not prepared for the wave of emotion that hit me seeing those buildings again. But that was OK too.

    The hard part was on the way home - we passed the exits for difficult child's current town and it was a sick feeling to keep driving. It is what it is. I hate that his baggage slightly colors how I feel about this journey with easy child but that's something I can't control.
    Lasted edited by : Feb 23, 2012
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I am glad you guys had a nice trip. Sounds like he is covering the bases so there is a plan a, b, c... pretty mature of him. It must be hard to have those little thoughts sneak in but that you could refocus your energies to him--and this experience at this time--that is what really counts. You guys needed a nice normal parenting experience. I hope he can get it all settled to his satisfaction and his dreams come true.