Thank you everyone, your good thoughts mean so much.
difficult child is having her usual difficult child time of it, her phone died and all the numbers for the guy for the job were in the phone! She should get the a new phone today, it was replaced, but I have no idea how it will now go given she missed the time frame. She also missed the deadline for her food stamp eligibility, so those will be cancelled, her car needs work in order to pass the smog so she can get her tags, her car battery is leaking battery acid, her roommate is formally evicting her and someone hit her car and damaged the new fender she just replaced. I heard all of this on Sunday evening when she showed up crying. I had a moment or two of feeling yucky, it's hard to watch this over and over again. She rolls around in this complicated mess of handling these continual crisis which would all be averted if she had some money and a job. All her energy goes into fixing these crisis so she is exhausted from the effort, but doesn't seem to be able to pull herself out of it.
Last year, as you know, I fixed and paid for all the problems and I thought she was finally on level ground and could move forward, but that was not to be, she simply let it all go until she was back in crisis mode once again. Every single day of her life is like this. Last week she had really good tickets to see a Giants game in San Francisco which she was so excited about, but the day of the game, her roommate locked her out of the house and wouldn't let her in so she couldn't retrieve the tickets, so she missed the game......she stayed in her car for 4 days. Last night the police pulled her over and searched her car, threw all of her belongings all over, didn't find anything and left.
I used to hear all of this and it would make my hair stand on end and I wouldn't sleep for nights on end. Now, I listen to her and don't say much because honestly, I don't think she really hears anything. What she says to everything I say is, "I'm really trying Mom." And, from her point of view, I think it feels that way to her as she works so hard to combat all the crisis. Sigh. I can't fix any of it, I tried that and it made me crazy and it's never ending, tomorrow there will simply be another crisis. She is not willing to go for any help, I've beaten that horse to death. I've come to accept (as much as I do) that this is the way she is choosing to live her life. It is heartbreaking and I am powerless to change it.
I still on occasion think that she will someday pull something out of the hat, but I am really the only one left who believes that. It seems that each time there is a possibility for ANY thing positive to happen, like the game, or this new job, something happens to take it away. Sometimes I am just speechless.
I'll let you know if anything really happens about the job......keep her in your thoughts, she is just so lost....................thanks.
