Could you please pray for me and mine

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SuZir, Feb 14, 2013.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Things are coming crashing down here. Something bad happened to difficult child few years ago and it came up few days ago. He was hurt in the most humiliating, demeaning and degrading way by people he had been taught to trust and be loyal to. Details are simply sickening and it would be very unwise to tell more in public board, because in worst case this may become public. Unfortunately rumour mill can not be stopped and too many people know at least a part of what happened, so everyone difficult child does know will know about this shortly or do already know. We are desperately hoping people he doesn't know wouldn't find out, but to be frank our hopes are not high. We can only hope that it would happen later rather than sooner.

    Me and husband met our lawyer this morning to ask advice and recommendation of a lawyer specialised to this type of things. This is not her area but what she did tell us was most disheartening. It seems that only one in this mess, who has absolutely no rights is difficult child. And it just doesn't seem plausible that there would be anyway this would turn so that difficult child would not be re-victimized.

    I guess I got some answers to those whys that have haunted me; why difficult child deteriorated so quickly and badly, when things were going so well for him, why he developed PTSD, why he completed addiction cycle that usually takes a decade to go through in less than ten months. That is not much of the console.

    difficult child is absolutely devastated. I have never seen him like this. Of course this was no news to him, but everyone knowing and having to deal with that is too much for him. We visited him a day they called and told what was happening and he was total mess. The worst is that there didn't seem to be any fight left in him. Till now I have always taken some comfort from the fact that he is one of the most resilient people I know and he always seems to find a way to live and fight till the next day. Now there doesn't seem to be any of that left. I haven't now seen him in couple of days and he isn't talking at the phone. They do say he hasn't talked much in person either. And that he acts totally beaten and is too ashamed to even look at anyone. I'm heading to his town tomorrow to discuss what next and plan how we will proceed and to be with him over weekend. I think I will not be liking that plan at all.

    Unfortunately there is not much fight left in me either. I know I should be absolutely enraged, I know I should be brave for my son, I know this is worst possible time for me to crumble, but I can't feel but sick, demoralised and disheartened.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2015
  2. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    My heart sank reading this. He's the most resiliant person you know. I'm so sorry you are all reliving this. (((HUGS))) to all of you. You have a lawyer who will help. I wish I had the right words, thinking caring thoughts for all of you. It's normal to give it it's due and be sad, then you get up and fight.
  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi CD Hall of Fame

    Sometimes it takes a little time to re-find that "fight" or inner steel, and I hope you both find it soon. My heart goes out to you all, sending you strength.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Will definitely be praying. Gentle hugs to you and your family.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Suzir, I hope it isn't w hat happened to a wrestler at our high school. If it is, that's so sickening that I hope they are all thrown in jail and locked away for a long time. My heart aches for both of you and you have all my prayers and love. I am so incredibly sorry, but you seem strong. You will help him get through this. Just thinking about it really gets my blood pressure up. Hugs to both of you.

    I hope it stays private, for your dear child's sake and your family's sake, but if it doesn't, just like here, across the pond, when the wrestler was harmed by his teammates, the entire community turned on those kids who harmed him and one of them lost his chance at a college scholarship and the victim was moved that he had so much support. He is going to my daughter's high school now and is doing really well in this new enviroment. Double hugs!!!
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How painful to read and how awful it must be to live with this situation. My mother's heart hurts for the pain of watching your child suffer through no fault of his own. My prayer is that he find the strength to get through this and find a way to help him work through it. He is on my prayer list.

  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Oh SuZir, I am so sorry. HaoZi is right. Sometimes it takes a little while of reeling from terrible pain before your fighting spirit returns. Give yourself a bit of time to grieve that this horrible thing is happening. Your fight will come back.

    Saying prayers for your difficult child and your family, sending healing vibes and strength.
  8. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Sending prayers your way.

    I'm old and I"ve been through some bad stuff and I'd basically decided that I'd learned to have some perspecive in handling things. No matter how bad things get, eventually they straighten out or you die first and it doesn't matter.. I thought I'd learned that lesson.Then things went to hades in a handbasket here the last few months and I find that I'm not doing so well at all. I can only imagine how much worse it is for somebody young like our difficult children, who don't have the experience of years to help them.

    Crossing all body parts that things come out better than you expect.
  9. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Oh SuZir, you sound so devastated. All I can offer in the way of help is prayer, and certainly I can do that for you and your family. I'm sorry you all are going through this mess.
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry SuZir, my mother's heart understands and has empathy for yours............I am sending prayers and hope that you are all blessed with grace, forgiveness, courage and strength and that you are all surrounded with the support and guidance that will soothe your hearts and lift you out of the fears and bring you peace. Many gentle hugs for you...........
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    (((((hugs)))))) for both you and difficult child.

    Saying prayers for strength, guidance, and comfort for your hurting heart and that this somehow turns into a healing experience for difficult child. Your steel will hasn't left will be there when you need to call upon it. Right now you're just working through the emotions, which is what you should be doing.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I'm crushed for you all. Nothing worse than your child being hurt.( hurt seems an inadequate word)
    Adding my prayers and support. Please check in so we know you and difficult child are ok.......
  13. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I recall that six months ago or longer we had a brief interchange about the possibility of something inappropriate being the trigger for his personality change. This morning I am saddened for you all but am sending particularly warm hugs to you because I know you were blindsided after having such faith that he had been "protected" from that type of harm via the team support network.

    Please know that I will be thinking of you all and praying that you can find "the" expert/experts needed to help difficult child, to help your husband who is in pain and especially you because your heart is so deeply invested. The family that I personally knew located a specialist who dealt with sports abuse. Their son was a scholarship football player destined for the pros. It took almost five years for him to redefine himself and get comfortable in the world outside of sports. There is no quick fix.

    You will be able to do what you can do. I know that. You have that Warrior Mom heart that keeps fighting to the end, even when tears and fears overwhelm you when you are alone. Many hugs. DDD
  14. Tiapet

    Tiapet Old Hand

    Checked in with board today and found this. I'm sorry that you and your family, specifically difficult child is suffering from a situation that is causing immense pain. While we can never, and often don't, know the "why" a situation occurs in our lives that is so devastating we somehow find a way to move through it even when we think we can't. We are after all human. As difficult as it may be I believe it is possible if you break things down and take it moment by moment it is more possible to get through just about if not everything. Easier said then done? I'll give you my take of it as I gave to Star recently:

    Breathe just a breath as you only need one breath to survive a moment. Like drowning. That 1 breath saves your life! Until the next breath and the next and the next.....1 step at a time and before you know it you have survived! This is how you break things down and get through the most difficult of things. It's a mind set. At least this is how I try to keep it in mind when I am truly struggling with the toughest stuff that I don't think I can get through.

    I'll keep you in mind.
  15. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I pray that this may be a blessing in disguise and difficult child can emerge like Phoenix, stronger. I will pray for you and yours, I cannot imagine how painful this is for all of you.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Super huge, gentle hugs and prayers for you all. I can tell how devastated you are and I am also praying for strength and humor for you. And, like JJJ said, that difficult child becomes a Phoenix.
  17. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    Adding in my prayers too - for strength for all of you and especially difficult child. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through.
  18. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Sending up good thoughts for both you and difficult child. I know how devastating it is as a parent to find out something like that. Please make sure to take care of yourself too.
  19. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Hugs and prayers - I will light a candle for difficult child and will be thinking of you both.
  20. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how distraught you all are.