StressedM0mma
Active Member
I am praying that you find the peace you need, and that difficult child can hold his head high and have continued strength.
Could you please pray for me and mine
- Thread starter SuZir
- Start date
SuZir
Well-Known Member
Thanks all. It is already late around here. Tomorrow I'm heading early to difficult child's town. We will have a lot to discuss. It really hoovers. There are lots of conflicting interests, lots of facets in this. And we don't even exactly know what really happened because difficult child is not talking much. One of the good things in this is, that people around him now are not in anyway involved in what happened. And he is also already in trauma therapy. He may have even talked about this to his therapist beforehand (okay, I don't really believe that, not straight up at least.) He does have other support systems in place. So we are not starting from zero. That is better than nothing, I guess.
And of course, what is happened is happened, it is better difficult child is forced to deal with it than that he would hide it for decades and it would haunt him more or less all that time. I guess having to face it and getting help to try to overcome it is a better alternative.
But it is just so unfair.
And of course, what is happened is happened, it is better difficult child is forced to deal with it than that he would hide it for decades and it would haunt him more or less all that time. I guess having to face it and getting help to try to overcome it is a better alternative.
But it is just so unfair.
I am so very sorry. I hate that things like this can happen to our children, and that those who are there to support them, who have not just our trust and our children's trust, but also have a moral obligation to protect them, and don't.
Whatever happens, we are here for you and the entire family is in our prayers.
Your difficult child is an incredibly strong person if he has survived the trauma this long, been in the public eye as he has, and has had to deal with all of this inside him. Focus on one day, hour, minute at a time. Encourage him to stand strong because he has done NOTHING wrong, and maybe, just maybe, this awful ordeal will someday allow him to prevent another young person to experience this.
(((((hugs)))))
Whatever happens, we are here for you and the entire family is in our prayers.
Your difficult child is an incredibly strong person if he has survived the trauma this long, been in the public eye as he has, and has had to deal with all of this inside him. Focus on one day, hour, minute at a time. Encourage him to stand strong because he has done NOTHING wrong, and maybe, just maybe, this awful ordeal will someday allow him to prevent another young person to experience this.
(((((hugs)))))
SuZir
Well-Known Member
I'm 'happy' to inform, I have re-found my will to fight. First thing after coming to difficult child's city I was read a riot act by difficult child's sport psychologist and I was about ready to punch him to the nose. I now understand why difficult child calls him know-it-all. Doesn't help that he was right and even rather compassionate with it. It's not always nice to hear truths.
He told me that I have absolutely no right to give up. That if I don't have faith in difficult child getting through this, I better start to fake my butt off. That how I expect difficult child to have faith in himself if even his mom doesn't. I'm also not to coddle difficult child at the least but be strong for him.
All the meetings still ahead of me so I guess it is time to gird my loins and get back to fight.
difficult child is a mess. He is abnormally subdued, seems to function in autopilot and really doesn't look at anyone. And I'm not talking about eye-contact, he doesn't even look anyone into the face or near. And he doesn't talk. I have gotten one 'hi' and few 'I don't know's and 'whatever's.
He told me that I have absolutely no right to give up. That if I don't have faith in difficult child getting through this, I better start to fake my butt off. That how I expect difficult child to have faith in himself if even his mom doesn't. I'm also not to coddle difficult child at the least but be strong for him.
All the meetings still ahead of me so I guess it is time to gird my loins and get back to fight.
difficult child is a mess. He is abnormally subdued, seems to function in autopilot and really doesn't look at anyone. And I'm not talking about eye-contact, he doesn't even look anyone into the face or near. And he doesn't talk. I have gotten one 'hi' and few 'I don't know's and 'whatever's.
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Calamity Jane
Well-Known Member
Hang in there, Mom, we're all behind you!
Glad to hear you have your Warrior Mom armor back on, you will competently show up for your difficult child with courage, strength and grace. He will survive this, perhaps with some battle scars, but that gives him strength and courage so that someday he will have his own Warrior armor. Hang in there.
I knew you still had the fight; it was just a matter of getting back to that point.
SuZir
Well-Known Member
I'm on the train on my way back home from difficult child's town. That at least was a bright idea, I would hate to be driving now, especially when weather is awful (matches well to my mood.) Hate to be a crybaby, but just now it is very difficult for me to keep myself together.
We got together a plan how to proceed. About damage limitation/control, how to handle public side if it comes to that, how to prevent that, how to handle things around this (with people who did this etc.) and most importantly how to try to help difficult child to survive this.
It's a good thing to have a plan. And in an intellectual level I agree with the plan. It's a sh***y plan but we are in sh***y situation and it is less sh***y than anything else we could come up with.But it is still sh***y. I will likely write about that little more later, when I feel little better.
difficult child is not well. He is quiet, ashamed, shut down and on autopilot. We still don't know all the details, maybe never will, but what scares me is that difficult child isn't exactly denying even the worst possibilities on what happened. Only real thing he said to me during the weekend was just before I left. He told that he wished he could go with me and just come home and everything could be like in old times but that it wasn't really a possibility, was it. And there was nothing I would wanted to do more than take him with me to home and hide him from the big bad world and make it all a-okay again (if it ever were.) But yeah, it is not possible.
Could you still a say a small prayer for my little boy?
We got together a plan how to proceed. About damage limitation/control, how to handle public side if it comes to that, how to prevent that, how to handle things around this (with people who did this etc.) and most importantly how to try to help difficult child to survive this.
It's a good thing to have a plan. And in an intellectual level I agree with the plan. It's a sh***y plan but we are in sh***y situation and it is less sh***y than anything else we could come up with.But it is still sh***y. I will likely write about that little more later, when I feel little better.
difficult child is not well. He is quiet, ashamed, shut down and on autopilot. We still don't know all the details, maybe never will, but what scares me is that difficult child isn't exactly denying even the worst possibilities on what happened. Only real thing he said to me during the weekend was just before I left. He told that he wished he could go with me and just come home and everything could be like in old times but that it wasn't really a possibility, was it. And there was nothing I would wanted to do more than take him with me to home and hide him from the big bad world and make it all a-okay again (if it ever were.) But yeah, it is not possible.
Could you still a say a small prayer for my little boy?
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DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Sorry I am so late on this but it brought back so many bad memories for me. I cannot for the life of me imagine having to have all my demons screamed from the rooftops as a public figure. It was horrible enough in a small courtroom. I am completely horrified for your son (and you) and praying so hard that he can overcome this. I am glad he has so many people around him that are working with him. I am thrilled that he has a wonderful mother like you. He is so lucky in that department. I truly hope he can one day learn that he was never at fault and that he is a survivor. I want him to soar and leave his tormentors behind in his wake. That would be true revenge.
BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Good for you! Keep up the fight! Your son needs it.
L
Liahona
Guest
Sending prayers. Glad you have a plan and that difficult child doesn't have to face this alone.
SuZir
Well-Known Member
Quit sport? He is middle of the contract but if he wanted to quit, he of course could. And if he wanted to quit in this level and continue recreationally in lower level, I'm sure his team would give up their rights to make it possible. We are just now in a start of our College application season, so he could quit and apply to school for next fall. Or take a gap year. In fact he was asked if he wanted to take a break (would had been masked as a long-term injury though, because 'personal reasons' always raises much curiosity.) What he wants is a different matter. He doesn't want any breaks or sick leaves or quit, he wants to play. You have to understand that his sport has always been his security blanket, something he loves doing, that makes him feel a-okay, that makes time disappear and makes him feel powerful and in control. It's his 'lining up the cars' or 'spinning a tire' in the way. It's much too complex to be considered stimming, but...
Even when it is stressful, even when the locker room is scary, even when everything asked from him off the field feel so difficult to him, on the field is where he thrives (and lately he has again been doing well performance wise, so less anxiety because of that.)
Just now husband is a great support. But to be honest, I know there will be tough times with that too. This is a phase husband does well in crisis. Discussing, preparing, having meetings, formulating a plan, finding a lawyer etc. Even comforting me when I'm still in shock. It will last when he is still in shock also and when he has something concrete to do. After that, there will be those potholes. Having to accept what happened, guilt (we didn't cause this, but there are always those shoulda, couldas), that he doesn't do well at all, feeling like a failure, he is not good at that either, having to, once again, accept that difficult child is his own person, will probably again deal with with things differently than husband would think wise, having to accept, that difficult child is in this situation partly because he is who he is, and so on. That is when things are in danger to turn sour. I know it but right now don't feel strong enough to really think it. Neither am I strong enough to think how easy child will react to this.
One of the big problems will be what difficult child's girlfriend put to words (thank goodness didn't say it to difficult child but only me, privately), she (and let's face it, they, it is the same with husband and easy child, even partly me) doesn't understand why difficult child has to be so difficult child. If he wasn't, this, or things like this, wouldn't had ever happened...
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