Could you please pray for me and mine
- Thread starter SuZir
- Start date
DammitJanet
Well-Known Member
Since I am not entirely sure exactly what happened but am putting 2 and 2 together in my mind, and thinking I have about got it straight what people are saying if I am correct, I am furious at whomever has said anything to you regarding what happened to him as a boy as if it was his fault in any way at all. Especially if they are intimating that he must have liked it to have it continue, if it is what I am thinking. That would crush him completely. Im so sorry.
SuZir
Well-Known Member
I'm not sure what exactly happened either. There is clear evidence of some and then there are (maybe exaggerated) rumours/second-hand information/bragging of more. And difficult child isn't really telling how much is true. Without more details I think I can say that situation started with the motivation of 'putting difficult child to his place.' And started to deteriorate from there. And it is true, that if difficult child would had been well liked, it wouldn't had started in the first place. Still that of course doesn't make him responsible of it. No one is thinking he liked it, some may think he got his just desert.
I know I'm vague (and still will most likely have to ask moderators to remove this thread later), but I think it's safe to say that this was peer-related incident, no at least direct adult involvement (well some peers were already 18 but...)
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In other words, not an "abuse of a position of power" e.g. coach or equivalent. Which helps a little bit.
Peers... especially sports jocks... can be really cruel. But peer-related incidents are quite "normal", just not when a difficult child is involved. Either the peers go over-the-top, or the difficult child has a difficult child-type reaction... or both.
Peers... especially sports jocks... can be really cruel. But peer-related incidents are quite "normal", just not when a difficult child is involved. Either the peers go over-the-top, or the difficult child has a difficult child-type reaction... or both.
SuZir
Well-Known Member
IC: Yes, it is a big relief that this doesn't seem to be a case of 'abuse of power.' When it is peer related difficult child does have frame of reference of this kind of things happening, so it isn't quite that stigmatizing and signalising him out in his own mind. However it was so much out of what is considered 'normal', at least here, that it can certainly not be brushed off as difficult child issue or over-reaction and him not being able to 'take it right.' While it started rather 'normal' it unfortunately went out of hand badly.
DDD: easy child does know. We had to tell, he would hear it from elsewhere anyway. Others we have not told yet and hope we don't have to. Unfortunately a problem with small community; everyone always knows others' matters better than the person themselves. Someone will spill the beans also for mother in law some day.
It will not be me and I did ask husband to rather talk with his dad about this, if he feels the need, than with his mother. Even he did get that. He is close to his mom but he also knows and somewhat respects that difficult child wouldn't want to share this type of issue with his granny.
husband told me today that it troubles easy child. They did talk about it during the weekend while I was at difficult child's town. I don't exactly feel equipped to handle also easy child issues with the matter right now, but I'm steeling myself for that already. Luckily it likely takes some time for him to think about it by himself before he will sought me out. So I will likely have few days to arrange my thoughts before I have to deal also with him. Just now I have difficult time changing my focus from difficult child to anything else.
DDD: easy child does know. We had to tell, he would hear it from elsewhere anyway. Others we have not told yet and hope we don't have to. Unfortunately a problem with small community; everyone always knows others' matters better than the person themselves. Someone will spill the beans also for mother in law some day.
It will not be me and I did ask husband to rather talk with his dad about this, if he feels the need, than with his mother. Even he did get that. He is close to his mom but he also knows and somewhat respects that difficult child wouldn't want to share this type of issue with his granny.husband told me today that it troubles easy child. They did talk about it during the weekend while I was at difficult child's town. I don't exactly feel equipped to handle also easy child issues with the matter right now, but I'm steeling myself for that already. Luckily it likely takes some time for him to think about it by himself before he will sought me out. So I will likely have few days to arrange my thoughts before I have to deal also with him. Just now I have difficult time changing my focus from difficult child to anything else.
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Lothlorien
Active Member
Praying that things settle down and that difficult child can resolve these issuses and deal with them without it being any more traumatic.
L
Liahona
Guest
Still praying for your family.
PatriotsGirl
Well-Known Member
Sending lots of prayers your way.... :-(
Thinking of you and sending hugs............
SearchingForRainbows
Active Member
SuZir,
I don't know how I missed this. I'm sorry I'm getting here so late! I wish I had some words of wisdom, knew of something to help you and your family get through this, but I'm almost speechless. Just want you to know I'm keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers... Extra prayers being said for your difficult child... Hugs... SFR
I don't know how I missed this. I'm sorry I'm getting here so late! I wish I had some words of wisdom, knew of something to help you and your family get through this, but I'm almost speechless. Just want you to know I'm keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers... Extra prayers being said for your difficult child... Hugs... SFR
rejectedmom
New Member
I am so sorry that your son and your family is still suffering as a result of this very traumatic event. I hope he can heal and move on and loose any shame he is feeling. It is so sad that the victims of these types of attacks feel shame. I am glad he has supports in place and hope that the recent events lead to a greater healing ratner than a more severe withdrawal from life. -RM
SuZir
Well-Known Member
Thanks everyone. difficult child is still hanging in there and going through motions. This week has been bit better than last for him what I have heard. Earlier he spent a evening with one trusted mentor figure he has in his town and actually talked with him a little about how he felt about the situation. Not about what had happened but how it felt to go to the locker room or face people. And he also voluntarily had had a discussion about something else and been engaged. Also with his team he has gone from shaking his head or nodding or shrugging shoulders to 'yes', 'no', 'don't know', 'can you please pass me that water bottle.' Small progress but still a progress. He can also keep his focus during the practises and act normal during them.
So he is stubbornly putting one feet in front of another and I hope he can continue doing that.
I'm using my nervous inability to be still to cleaning my closets. Well, I guess one has to do also that once in every five years. husband is starting to have harder time with dealing with this and easy child is nervous about when the rumours reach his friends.
Good thing is, that what we have heard, rumour mill has picked up only part of what happened/may have happened. And that is the less humiliating part for difficult child. Hopefully it stays so.
So he is stubbornly putting one feet in front of another and I hope he can continue doing that.
I'm using my nervous inability to be still to cleaning my closets. Well, I guess one has to do also that once in every five years. husband is starting to have harder time with dealing with this and easy child is nervous about when the rumours reach his friends.
Good thing is, that what we have heard, rumour mill has picked up only part of what happened/may have happened. And that is the less humiliating part for difficult child. Hopefully it stays so.
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