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<blockquote data-quote="TerryJ2" data-source="post: 37781" data-attributes="member: 3419"><p>Obviously, you all have to be on the same page. If difficult child is affecting you, it's affecting the whole family.</p><p>Sit down with-your husband and talk to him about where you want to go with-consequences. It can't be general. It has to be specific... ie if difficult child doesn't go to school one day, he's off the computer for one wk (or whatever you come up w). </p><p>Going to school isn't a choice for difficult child. It is nonnegotiable.</p><p></p><p>You sound very stressed out and angry. I understand completely. Been there done that too many times! Then I get very negative and difficult child gets the brunt of it. I end up barking orders and I'm the No Fun Mom because I spend the most time with-him and "make" him do things.</p><p>husband gets to come home after work and relax, because by that time, difficult child has finally done most of what he should do and now it's time to reap the rewards. It's a typical pattern.</p><p></p><p>I'm trying to learn to distance myself from difficult child and I see that you need to as well. I have a friend who trains dogs and she always reminds me, "Dogs bark." That's my mantra when it comes to difficult child.</p><p></p><p>In re: to the school threat, I would have broken that conversation into two pieces (and believe me, I've blown it enough times to know this from personal experience). First, listen to what he has to say. He's excited (Guess what, Mom!) so be excited with him. He's looking at it from an excited, kid point of view and you have to be there with-him, horror or not. After you've "sided" with-him in that regard, you can ask him why he didn't tell the principal. He will reply that he doesn't want to get caught by those kids (a reasonable fear). Then you ask him if anyone else heard the conversation... point being, if you can share the experience, then it could have been any kid who is/was to blame for tattling. Then explain that this is NOT tattling. It is a safety issue. Show him the article on Va Tech if you have to. Ask him if these kids are bratty bullies or really crazies. He will have an opinion. (Actually, the outcome may be the same... violence against other kids. It's just that one is containable and the other is not.)</p><p></p><p>If you are absolutely convinced that they are dangerous, then you can call the school and tell the office yourself, but be sure they don't use any names (most schools are very, very good about that... they are all well aware of the repercussions).</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't blame or dump that on difficult child at all. That's a typical kid reaction. They just don't "get it."</p><p></p><p>I hope that helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TerryJ2, post: 37781, member: 3419"] Obviously, you all have to be on the same page. If difficult child is affecting you, it's affecting the whole family. Sit down with-your husband and talk to him about where you want to go with-consequences. It can't be general. It has to be specific... ie if difficult child doesn't go to school one day, he's off the computer for one wk (or whatever you come up w). Going to school isn't a choice for difficult child. It is nonnegotiable. You sound very stressed out and angry. I understand completely. Been there done that too many times! Then I get very negative and difficult child gets the brunt of it. I end up barking orders and I'm the No Fun Mom because I spend the most time with-him and "make" him do things. husband gets to come home after work and relax, because by that time, difficult child has finally done most of what he should do and now it's time to reap the rewards. It's a typical pattern. I'm trying to learn to distance myself from difficult child and I see that you need to as well. I have a friend who trains dogs and she always reminds me, "Dogs bark." That's my mantra when it comes to difficult child. In re: to the school threat, I would have broken that conversation into two pieces (and believe me, I've blown it enough times to know this from personal experience). First, listen to what he has to say. He's excited (Guess what, Mom!) so be excited with him. He's looking at it from an excited, kid point of view and you have to be there with-him, horror or not. After you've "sided" with-him in that regard, you can ask him why he didn't tell the principal. He will reply that he doesn't want to get caught by those kids (a reasonable fear). Then you ask him if anyone else heard the conversation... point being, if you can share the experience, then it could have been any kid who is/was to blame for tattling. Then explain that this is NOT tattling. It is a safety issue. Show him the article on Va Tech if you have to. Ask him if these kids are bratty bullies or really crazies. He will have an opinion. (Actually, the outcome may be the same... violence against other kids. It's just that one is containable and the other is not.) If you are absolutely convinced that they are dangerous, then you can call the school and tell the office yourself, but be sure they don't use any names (most schools are very, very good about that... they are all well aware of the repercussions). I wouldn't blame or dump that on difficult child at all. That's a typical kid reaction. They just don't "get it." I hope that helps. [/QUOTE]
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