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<blockquote data-quote="WhereIsTheLight" data-source="post: 37807" data-attributes="member: 3673"><p>I've learned to not tell my kids I'm going to do this or that if I anticipate an argument. If you approach the school, I believe it's less likely they will accuse your son of participating in the conversation. It would be more suspicious if someone else mentioned his name. Your son doesn't necessarily need to be in on the plan.</p><p></p><p>I remember the time my easy child came home after a classmate had stalked her calling her filthy names. The kid had slept at my home many nights and had eaten dinner at our table.</p><p></p><p>I didn't discuss anything with easy child, I drove to the kid's house and spent 10 minutes in her very own living room letting her in know in no uncertain terms that if she continued to terrorize my kid, that easy child would hit back and hit harder. And shame on her for embarrassing her mother like this. </p><p></p><p>easy child would have whined, begged and demanded not to make a big deal out of it, and the argument would have overshadowed the bigger issue of her getting bullied.</p><p></p><p>About school, my difficult child is the 'smart one' and my easy child is the challenged one. When problems started hitting for difficult child at school, at the very first meeting I said, "I'm here as an advocate for my child. I will always assume she's telling the truth unless proven otherwise". Well, the IEP people were very impressed with that and I was an active part of her accommodation. However, after things got progressively intense, and I was getting calls every day at work because this or that happened, I finally said to them, "I am officially allowing you to handle her in the manner you see fit. I will not contradict any of the school's disciplinary policies and she will be expected to realize the consequences. The calls stopped and although difficult child had to go to two more schools to get her diploma, it took a great weight off my shoulders.</p><p></p><p>She's always had the capacity to do well at homework, she just never did it. But I remember helping her with Middle School math homework. It wasn't the way the teacher did it, but it was the only way I could do it. She got very frustrated and angry and when that happened, I always put the homework away. You see, it didn't matter if I got the same results - the right answer - it wasn't the way the teacher did it so it was wrong. So much for teaching the kid to compensate - to find another path to the same conclusion. She'd shut me out.</p><p></p><p>So, I haven't been as stringent on school work as I should have since it was always such a source of frustration for us. But, ultimately, even if she was such a bad student I couldn't bring myself to go to parent teacher conferences, she did finish HS, she has a semester of community college under her belt and she has the desire to go back.</p><p></p><p>It was just one battle too many for me, and I refused to fight it. I think kids are well aware, certainly by middle school, of what happens if they do not finish homework or school. If not, he'll figure it out when he sees his friends going out of state to college and living in dorms. My daughter sees many of her friends doing it now and I think she wishes she had used the brains God gave her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WhereIsTheLight, post: 37807, member: 3673"] I've learned to not tell my kids I'm going to do this or that if I anticipate an argument. If you approach the school, I believe it's less likely they will accuse your son of participating in the conversation. It would be more suspicious if someone else mentioned his name. Your son doesn't necessarily need to be in on the plan. I remember the time my easy child came home after a classmate had stalked her calling her filthy names. The kid had slept at my home many nights and had eaten dinner at our table. I didn't discuss anything with easy child, I drove to the kid's house and spent 10 minutes in her very own living room letting her in know in no uncertain terms that if she continued to terrorize my kid, that easy child would hit back and hit harder. And shame on her for embarrassing her mother like this. easy child would have whined, begged and demanded not to make a big deal out of it, and the argument would have overshadowed the bigger issue of her getting bullied. About school, my difficult child is the 'smart one' and my easy child is the challenged one. When problems started hitting for difficult child at school, at the very first meeting I said, "I'm here as an advocate for my child. I will always assume she's telling the truth unless proven otherwise". Well, the IEP people were very impressed with that and I was an active part of her accommodation. However, after things got progressively intense, and I was getting calls every day at work because this or that happened, I finally said to them, "I am officially allowing you to handle her in the manner you see fit. I will not contradict any of the school's disciplinary policies and she will be expected to realize the consequences. The calls stopped and although difficult child had to go to two more schools to get her diploma, it took a great weight off my shoulders. She's always had the capacity to do well at homework, she just never did it. But I remember helping her with Middle School math homework. It wasn't the way the teacher did it, but it was the only way I could do it. She got very frustrated and angry and when that happened, I always put the homework away. You see, it didn't matter if I got the same results - the right answer - it wasn't the way the teacher did it so it was wrong. So much for teaching the kid to compensate - to find another path to the same conclusion. She'd shut me out. So, I haven't been as stringent on school work as I should have since it was always such a source of frustration for us. But, ultimately, even if she was such a bad student I couldn't bring myself to go to parent teacher conferences, she did finish HS, she has a semester of community college under her belt and she has the desire to go back. It was just one battle too many for me, and I refused to fight it. I think kids are well aware, certainly by middle school, of what happens if they do not finish homework or school. If not, he'll figure it out when he sees his friends going out of state to college and living in dorms. My daughter sees many of her friends doing it now and I think she wishes she had used the brains God gave her. [/QUOTE]
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