Counting my blessings

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Suz, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I am grateful for Rob's new girlfriend, Heather. She seems to bring out the best in him. They were part of the family gathering in my home tonight for Thanksgiving dinner and Rob was at his best. He was chatty and funny and she told me on the side about ten times how "excited he was to come."

    They felt somewhat out of place with the others so they followed me to the kitchen. I asked Rob if he wanted to carve the turkey...and he even listened and followed instructions when I showed him what to do :faint: .

    Some of you don't know what a miracle this is. He and I have been through hell and back. I feel so grateful for tonight.

    I hope you were as lucky.

    Tell me about your day.

  2. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    What I am grateful for today:

    difficult child is finally growing up. He is working (2 1/2 weeks at one job!) He is going to school and seems to be enjoying the collegiate life. He is talking to us. He also went to my sister's with us today and ate and talked and played basketball with my nephews and was polite and respectful.

    PCson and daughter have seemed to work things out and are back together. I know it is best for my grandson to have both his mother and his father in his daily life.

    PCdaughter is maturing. She has moved back to our hometownin August (after a few difficult child months). She is realizing what is important in life and is dating someone that I think I could actually like.

    My foster daughter's biobrother is back from Iraq. I will be attending a BBQ Saturday with his dad and family and my family. This is after years of rift between me and fdaughter's bio family because I "took" her in when she was pregant with her first daughter.

    husband is five years clean and sober.
  3. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    My thanksgiving was quiet and restful! My daughter and her new husband came over and spent a while with us. We looked at pictures of our family when they were little. We talked a lot and maybe we will go shopping tomorrow. It was a peaceful time and we enjoyed it a lot. Then after they left to go to his parents, we went and picked up acorns for my husband to feed to the deer tomorrow in hopes of bringing one home! I am also thankful for each member of my family and what they mean to me. I am thankful for God and how he helps me in my life. :angel:
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I am so happy to "hear" you so...happy.

    I was obviously beaming that Copper and her goofy boyfriend volunteered yesterday.

    I went to my dad's. It was dad, my 2 brothers, and me. It was the best time I had in ages. My brother Mike kicked my butt in Yahtzee relentlessly. We ate till we could not MOVE. The food was fantastic.

    Tink went with the other half of the family. She ate a crescent roll.

    Yup. That's it.
  5. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I posted about my day in the watercooler. It was a good one.
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Suz, I am so happy to hear your Thanksgiving day miracle. It sure is one. I will hold on to this hope with you. Yeah for Heather!!

  7. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    That is so nice to hear, Suz, about Rob and his girlfriend.

    Ours was a pretty good one. Danny came home early in the morning, grabbed his soccer gear, and left for a pick up game with his father (who doesn't play) and some of his dads friends who do. Dex brought him back and had dinner with us, which was on time to the minute for once, and easy child sat down and ate a little even though he was planning to eat at his friends house later.

    It was nice to finally reach the point where dex and difficult child get along great. Although we could do without the case of English Ale that dex always seems to get at Trader Joes before he comes to visit. I have given it up as far as the beer issue - he knows I don't like Danny or Jamie to drink, but it is some kind of male bonding thing, having a brew with your dad. :smile: I am told they are "grown men" now and can decide if they want a beer or not..sigh.. I guess the good upside is that dex takes the stuff they didn't drink and puts it back in the trunk.

  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Very nice Suz. We had a nice day, too. L didn't show up at our friend's house, but that was OK. It was about 40 miles from where she spent the earlier part of the day with her dad, and we hadn't really expected her in any case.

    We ate lots, sang songs, played Wii, and met new friends.
  9. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    It's hard for me to get on top of that emotional response that comes with the holidays ~ the way it should be, the way it has been, blah, blah, blah. I know everyone else seems to have come through this part, so I am sure I will too ~ but I am really struggling with anger and resentment and jealousy. I know those feelings are pointless. I understand that I have the capacity to be bigger than that.

    It's just a little harder to get there than I wish it were! :bag:

    It's coming out sideways, like always.

    I am aware of it though, and that helps.

    We were able to go to dinner with some other adults ~ it was really fun.

    So, I am grateful for that ~ grateful that it wasn't just husband and I again this year, trying to pretend everything was okay.

    We have been very fortunate in that, and in having been able to do the things we are doing, now.

    It's funny how hard it is not to slip back.

    We heard from difficult child just before Thanksgiving.

    That made it a little harder.


    A lot harder!

    I am so happy to hear about your day with Rob, Suz! I can imagine how incredible it must have been to watch him carve the turkey....


    Sons can be so cool, can't they?

    Yeah, I'm really happy for you, Suz.

    Maybe one day that is how it will be for me, too.

    And that is good, positive imagery.

    In fact?

    I think I feel a little better now.

  10. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Suz, I am really tickled that Rob has grown into a young man who can give you a holiday that you can remember with a smile.
    Fingers crossed that it continues. :thanksgiving1:
  11. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I understand Barbara! I wish I had the same story to tell and maybe there is hope for me too. Our holiday was me, husband, my easy child son, my daughter and her husband. It was fine and we enjoyed it but there was a void there. I understand your feelings but I am happy for those that felt the success of having come through to the other side.
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    "but I am happy for those that felt the success of having come through to the other side."

    Susan, please understand that it has taken many of us a LONG time to get to this place. And it is not that my difficult child is perfect. He is not. He is still a pothead. He is still a difficult child. I have changed the way I react to his actions. I have recognized that I can only control my reactions to his actions. I realiazed that I could either wallow self-pity or I could rejoice in the good. I choose to rejoice. And it has made all the difference (a Robert Frost quote there).
  13. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks everywoman! I just wonder if I will ever have that chance. I am fearful that he will go to prison for a few years. I have no facts yet but think it in my head. He is not as scared as he was before. I understand that it takes a long time but sometimes I just wish it would hurry up! I cant imagine living in the same house with him again. That seems sad to me but from all the other times before - I just cant imagine it.
  14. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Stands - your quote so struck me because I am 'guilty' of this kind of thinking often.

    It goes like this: "Oh I miss the years when life was simple. When everyone was happy. When the kids were little". OR it goes like this "Oh I can't wait for the years when life will be simple. When everyone is happy again. When the kids don't break my heart anymore".

    Guess what? When I do this I'M MISSING THE JOY OF TODAY. I understand there are days/periods of days and weeks where life feels unbearable. But, I was constantly living in the past or pining for what the future would bring - I was missing what each day brought.

    Don't miss todays blessings-- that's what I hear Suz and everywoman saying. In spite of less than perfect circumstances they can see the blessings too. They are not being robbed of the joy of today. A very wise way to live in my humble opinion.

  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Thanks, GG. You hit my point exactly.

    Like everywoman was saying, my Rob isn't perfect either. Heck, he told a story at the dinner table Thursday night that made my hair curl in embarrassment....mostly for HIM because he couldn't see how inappropriate it was :hammer: ...

    But that is his problem, not mine.

    I've been dealing with difficult child issues since the day he moved in with us right before he was 3 years old. He was in therapy three weeks later and stayed in therapy until he left the group home when he was 19. His gfgness didn't stop there but how I handle my life and how I handle his problems have.

    I have my down days like everyone else. Like GG, I spent plenty of years worrying about the past and/or pining for the future and I refuse to live like that anymore. If I feel those old negative tapes start to play in my head, I pet a dog or I go to the mall or I move furniture or I write a friend about it to let it out or I come here and read stories of people who are struggling way more than I am, or I do any number of things to let it go and get back to the present. It takes awhile to re-train YOURSELF but it's worth the effort.

    What has made the biggest difference for me is to learn to Count My Blessings. I try to take a moment every day to find something I'm appreciative about-----even if it's been a terrible day and the best I can come up with is being grateful that it is almost bedtime. :smirk:

  16. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    "...and I refuse to live like that anymore."

    You are so right, Suz. And gratitude for all that we DO have, all we HAVE been given, is where we find the strength to refuse that other, darker outlook.

    Every so often?

    I forget I know that.

    Thanks, Suz.

    So timely a post, stated so clearly!


  17. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Thanks to all. Goldenguru you gave me a different perspective on that! It always seems so nice to think thatone day everything will be back to normal! I dont know what normal is but today I am very thankful for all the things and people in my life. It is different without my difficult child here but it is a calm different. Not stressful like it was. Thanks for giving me another way to think of today! :pet:I think I will go pet my cat!
  18. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    We had a fun time in N. FL. I posted a bit in T/SA.

    I too, live for the day, count my blessings, and don't dwell on what I cannot control or cannot change.

    My job was to get them to adulthood. I succeeded in doing that. What they do from then on is their decisions. I can guide if asked, but I try (don't always succeed, but...) not to intervene or butt in. It's hard, I have to bite my tongue alot...but they need to learn to make mistakes and move on from them.

    difficult child 2 had wonderful conversations with both husband and I this weekend. He interacted, was helpful, and was so grown up. difficult child 1 did a good job as well. He didn't let anything or anyone bother him. He's not as helpful but he knows it and prefers to stay in the background.

    All in all, 6 of us in a very small two room cabin was cozy :fan: