Court for 3rd DUI

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PonyGirl, Jul 11, 2010.

  1. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    difficult child was sentenced in court last week for his 3rd DUI conviction. He was expecting jail time of 60 days. He got 120 days. He was hoping to delay serving until Baby J is released to come back home. Nope. difficult child will report to jail about a week before his son & wife can leave Ronald McDonald House.

    In other news, it's their 1st Wedding Anniversary today.

    I feel so sad, remembering what a happy day this was last year.

    Poor daughter in law, she's at her wits end, not knowing which way to go. Four months is a long time to be apart, especially considering the man she married will be spending that time locked up. NOT what her vision was for her marriage!

    Baby J is at Day +44 today, and doing well. He hasn't had a fever since he left the hospital, which the doctors are amazed at. They still have to go to Clinic daily, and about every other day is a long one, as they give him platelets, IVIG (gamma globulin) and/or red blood cells. These are all normal treatments for after-effects of the chemo.

    His energy level ebbs and flows, his appetite isn't all the way back yet so they have to 'hook him up' at night for IV nutrition. He is already back into his normal 8 o'clock bedtime routine. I miss him like crazy but have no plans to return for a visit as yet.

    I'm very disheartened with difficult child. I just don't know what to think anymore.

  2. Bean

    Bean Member

    Sorry dear. How disheartening.

    With 3 DWIs under his belt, I'm wondering-- how is it when he is out? Is he functioning? Sorry, I don't know all the circumstances surrounding (unpaid tickets, warrents, etc.)... sounds like he knew he'd be in jail, but just didn't know for how long.

    It's hard when family goes through crisis (not difficult child-surrounding crisis, but other crisis) and can't be there as a unit. We've been there before, just different kind of circumstances. Maybe this will help him really consider his actions, and what kinds of things he misses because of them. I'm sure it is super hard on your daughter-in-law, though.
  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Aww geeze. Sorry about the 3rd DUI but really, he is getting extremely lucky on the time to be served. Down here we have some mandatory laws and for the first time its 30 days and for the second time it is 3 years! Got no idea about the 3rd time, I think I was so shocked when I heard about the 2nd

    I hope this time apart isnt too awful hard on your daughter in law. I know I am dreaming...sigh.
  4. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Yeah, DUI #4 is now a Felony in the State of Wisconsin. I'm so looking forward to that.

    Bean....'functioning'?.....I guess he is, but not as a productive member of society. We've been going thru this for 10 years. His first felony arrest came when he was 17 years old. He'd already been thru inpatient AODA treatment 2 years before that. He spent his 19, 20, and 21st birthdays in jail. (Not all in one stint, several different incarcerations) I don't have much hope anymore that he will ever be ready to change. He'll do his time, and maybe he'll fly right for awhile after that, and then he'll crash & burn again. It's almost worse when he seems to be improving and then he throws it all away.

    If watching his baby son go thru chemo and be hospitalized for 48 days doesn't make an impression on him, I doubt any amount of jail time is going to be effective.


  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry about this turn of events. But, hey, he has to get off the road when he drinks. I hope he sees this as a wake up call. Meanwhile, so happy the baby is doing so well!
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Pony -

    Somedays - I have such a hard time understanding the road of heartache and tragedies that our kids seem to take repeatedly - As a Mother? Some nights I just stare blankly up at the sky and think - Is it really for some bigger purpose, or so that someday he'll be a better person, understand more, be stronger, wiser, the most been there done that kind of man ever? Or is all this just some horrific punishment from a past life I can't remember? Then I think - My God what must I have done to deserve being the Mother of this? Exhale, get up, go in the house, pet the dog and know at least one of my 'kids' behaves well.

    I hope -as with all my board nieces and nephews that every bad event that happens in their lives is a tool that pushes them further away eventually from being the kids most people think they are. (Present company excluded, of course - to know one is to have one) Every time that something happened in my own sons life I would naturally get that sick feeling, and counter-balance it with thinking "This eventually will sink in and teach him something." Jail isn't the worst place they can be. It's an awful place no doubt. Few parents wake up in the morning thinking "Wow i hope my kid is in jail today." Most that have children in there hope they learn something from the experience or while there are safe and come out thinking they'll never go back. That is my wish for your son. I hope while he's in there he finds a group, gets sober, realizes his son needs him more than anyone in the world - and never takes another drink FOR HIMSELF FIRST - and for his family next.

    I'm glad to hear little J is still fighting - I had no doubts. Tough little bugger that one! He sure has heart! I know he's had a lot of ours here - with continued prayers and well wishes.

    Hugs & Love
  7. Ephchap

    Ephchap Active Member

    In Michigan, third DUI is a felony. My son has two, and has not had a license for 3 years now. I know how heartbreaking it is to watch your child make bad choices. I'm sorry for your aching mommy heart.

  8. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I'm so sorry to read of all of this...Deb's post and the other's as well. (Hugs).
    I know 3 DUI's is a strong indication of addiction.
    Will he be open to AA and/or rehab after he serves his jail time?
    Certainly upcoming concerns will be the use of his car, problems getting a job, etc. All this will worsen if he is addicted to alchol. It seems that this and any underlying mental illness must be addressed before life is likelky to improve for himself.
    I too am sorry for your aching heart.
    I suppose your choices are limited since he is an adult. Perhaps provide him information regarding treatment, some help for the baby....but setting personal boundaries/detaching is likely your only way out to ease the awful pain. This is likely a bottomless pit.
  9. Bean

    Bean Member

    Yeah, it is amazing when you think this is going to be it - this has to be rock bottom... and it's not. Big hugs.