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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 729083" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p>Tiredmama, I am so sorry you are in the thick of your son's bad choices again. I think it would lessen your stress if you cut your talking to him time in half. Your son hanging up on you and saying F you tells me that he is not ready to take responsibility with his own life. I know how hard it was for you to say no but in reality it forces all his choices on him. I know the deepest fear in our hearts is that our child will die but in reality they know this and will play on this and torment us with this. Troubled children will see and sense the fear in us and use it against us, that is why it has dragged on as long as it has plus the little bit of fake kindness we see here and there keeps us stuck. The detaching process is really the only healthy option we have that will help set everything in motion because nothing else will. What helped me the most when I had to completely detach from my daughter was looking death straight in the face and saying to myself I have no control over this, this is HER journey and she is using manipulation against me to keep me in her web of chaos,lies, confusion, turmoil and gigantic mess. Predators can smell our gentle hearts, they don't care about anything except using us and abusing us and when we remove ourselves from their mess they are forced to either grow mentally or continue making their life harder, some get tired of living in their own turmoil and others grow but some take a long time to grow. Wish there was a way you could take a full break from the misery your son creates. Just yesterday I decided to not talk to my daughter as much, I believe it helps me sleep better. I sure hope you can find a way to lessen your stress and grief.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 729083, member: 22416"] Tiredmama, I am so sorry you are in the thick of your son's bad choices again. I think it would lessen your stress if you cut your talking to him time in half. Your son hanging up on you and saying F you tells me that he is not ready to take responsibility with his own life. I know how hard it was for you to say no but in reality it forces all his choices on him. I know the deepest fear in our hearts is that our child will die but in reality they know this and will play on this and torment us with this. Troubled children will see and sense the fear in us and use it against us, that is why it has dragged on as long as it has plus the little bit of fake kindness we see here and there keeps us stuck. The detaching process is really the only healthy option we have that will help set everything in motion because nothing else will. What helped me the most when I had to completely detach from my daughter was looking death straight in the face and saying to myself I have no control over this, this is HER journey and she is using manipulation against me to keep me in her web of chaos,lies, confusion, turmoil and gigantic mess. Predators can smell our gentle hearts, they don't care about anything except using us and abusing us and when we remove ourselves from their mess they are forced to either grow mentally or continue making their life harder, some get tired of living in their own turmoil and others grow but some take a long time to grow. Wish there was a way you could take a full break from the misery your son creates. Just yesterday I decided to not talk to my daughter as much, I believe it helps me sleep better. I sure hope you can find a way to lessen your stress and grief. [/QUOTE]
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