Court tomorrow

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by klmno, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    We'll be in court first thing in the morning for difficult child to get his real sentence. Please keep him in your thoughts and send mental vibes to the judge to just be fair and consider all that the doctors and school and even policeman said. I'm not looking for him to get a "free ride" and I don't think he should, but 6 mos or more would be so damaging to him. Do most difficult children who get sentences in detention go out and never break the law again because they learned a lesson? Or do most learn worse in juvie, can only make friends with kids who have been in trouble afterwards, and end right back there again?

    If he comes home, it will take me the rest of the summer to get him out of speaking the slang talk he has learned in there and trying to "polish" the rough edges off before school starts again.

    Anyway- I would appreciate any rattling of beads! The attny hasn't returned my call from Monday- meaning he hasn't done anything to prepare for this- so those beads and mental vibes are all we have right now... SIGH.
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...I dont know the exact statistics on recidivism in juvy but I dont think its good. I can say that Cory had court issues dating from age 10 to 14 and was on probation through age 15. He completed his probation at 15 and didnt get in anymore trouble until after he turned 18. His juvenile record was sealed at 16 because he kept out of trouble from 15 to 16. Of course, he certainly has made up for it in the years from 19 to
  3. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Hoping wisdom presides in court tomorrow......will be saying prayers for your family.......
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Sending good vibes that the judge looks at what is best for difficult child.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sending good vibes so that the court does the right thing and this judge does not keep pushing her agenda and prejudices on your difficult child. Hopefully they can say he has paid enough, and the GAL and others can be out of your life.

  6. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Sending a million positive vibes your way. Please let us know how it goes.
  7. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending positive thoughts, prayers, and hugs.
  8. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thank you all so much- I'm going to get ready and go now.... my heart is in the pit of my stomach.
  9. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Hugs and strength for you and prayers and positive vibes for all...let us know how it goes.
  10. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I'm praying the judge shows some common sense and does the right thing and that you and difficult child can feel some measure of calmness going through this day.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    It went pretty well for him- there were (are) some frustrations for me.

    First, his sentence: 30 more days in detention, then out back on probation with the ankle bracelet/monitor; commitment to state dept of juvenile corrections on suspension until he's 21- period- she will do it automatically if he ever breaks a law again.

    My frustrations- the PO, although asking for him not to be committed now so that he could continue treatment (this was primarily the reason that he is not getting committed now), said that he had to learn that he had to be accountable for his actions. (OK) Then she said that his mother (me) had to be held accountable for where he is and what he is doing at all times. HUH? Well, she said this in reference to him tearing up his school issued computer while at a friend's house. Now how am I supposed to be at fault for that? I don't let him just go out without me knowing where he is and checking back in periodically. That just rubbed me the wrong way. Fortunately, the judge appeared to let it go in one ear and out the other.

    Next frustration- the judge. She said that since he didn't qualify for the program that she originally ordered, according to sentencing guidelines, she could only commit him to state dept. or give him 30 days max in detention. Well, last year she gave him 5 mos in detention, suspended. How could she do that if it wasn't in accordance with the law? The GAL said the judge could give him 30 days max on each charge. If they are committed to the state, the state decides the sentence- it is out of the judges hands at that point. I'm just frustrated because it seems like there is no real LAW that these people are following for juveniles. Every time we go to court it sounds like a different story.

    Anyway, it is good that he didn't get more. I just have to figure out how I'm going to be able to continue paying the bills without being able to work full time because of all the therapist appts and not leaving difficult child at home alone so I can prove adequate supervision. Then, there is the problem of not having medication insurance paid for by employer because I'm not working full time. (I'm looking into options for that now) I can't tell them that I can't make this work because the prosecuting attny even seemed on board with what difficult child needed but said it might be more practical to turn him over to the state now since so much therapy/treatment and other stuff was needed for him. (They really aren't supposed to assign a punishment based on the fact that they can't offer needed mental health treatment- but I think it happens all the time.) The GAL would support commitment, too, or placement outside of home if she thought I couldn't make this work- so I HAVE to find a way. And, boy, it is going to be rough to ki** up to this PO for an indefinite period of time.

    I guess the best news- if difficult child behaves for a certain period of time (Tows the line), and I get all his restitution paid off and make the PO feel like we think she is God, difficult child will never have to go to court again. He will be DONE!!!

    So- thank you for the vibes and well-wishes, prayers, and support!!
  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm glad that is over for you all. I know it was like a knife swinging by a thread over your heads.

    About the 30 days, I wonder if sentencing guidelines have changed, or maybe it's a matter of the crime being different and having different sentences?

    Finally, when M was in trouble, even though he had not completed each and every term of his probation, he went to the judge and told her the things that he had accomplished, and she released him from his probation. She really shouldn't have, but that applies to his situation and not necessarily your difficult child's. But, I hope that your difficult child will hold it together, and know that there actually is hope that he can go back to court and get the terms of his probation/parole changed if he doesn't let this throw him for a loop and do something silly.

    {{{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}
  13. Christy

    Christy New Member

    Sending good thoughts your way. Good Luck.
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911

    klmno -

    Sounds like you did fairly well - but my heart goes out to you on the fines and probation/restitution.

    Dude had his caseworker call ME yesterday -
    "can you give Dude 200 to pay his July restitution? No??? Well then he is going to jail."

    Sorry - all I can say - sorry. He's had opportunities to earn $$$ for fines, his dog, pay us back some of the $800 we gave him for other fines......and now he says under his breath to caseworker - "I'm not working at my Mom's house." =but its okay to call and ASK for $200 - (this after we gave him $ for the beach and said he could EARN money at our house for court - but he had to get busy)

    Ant /grasshopper all over again.

  15. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am not sure what to say about the sentence. None of these people seem to know what to do, or what is appropriate, based on the continually changing story.

    Will your son qualify for the state children's insurance? That would pay for tdocs and psychiatrists and all medical/mental health stuff. When we were on it, it paid for an enormous amount of stuff.


  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Thanks, again!! I don't know what I would do or how I would do it without everyone here.

    Witz, I can only wish that difficult child had a judge like that! She has left everything in the PO's hands and based on what I've seen from the PO this past year, nothing will be good enough.

    Star- it sounds like you are still looking for that money tree that Dude thinks you own just like I'm still looking for mine!!

    Susie- the medication insurance problem is a whole story in itself. Here (at least what I am finding so far) if you get the kid on public assistance, he is almost assured to have to go to the county mental health agency because the few private doctors that say they will accept it never really accept new patients or have any openings. It's a long story, but the county is more trouble than they are worth- for several reasons- they do more damage than good and cost me more time off work, etc. I have written them off.

    I'm pretty negative and depressed right now- I'm sure no one noticed that (LOL!) This is because I stopped at the clerk's office on the way into work to get a copy of the written order. Apparently the judge decided to include as a court order that difficult child has to obey all house and school rules, never have any unexcused tardies or absences from sschool, never drink, do drugs, or tobacco products. Yep- I want those things for him too. But now that it is a court order- right along with probation and suspension into the state Department of Juvenile Justice until he's 21, do you know what is going to happen the first time he oversleeps and is late for school? Or, the first time he smokes a cigarette or the next time he's written up at school? Do you think that I believe for one second that this kid can go until he's 21 and never break even ONE of these rules? Do you think I believe his PO will let it slide?

    So, I officially give up. There is no way and I don't want to put him or myself throught this freaking knife dangling over our heads with the PO b***ING if I take him out to pick up garbage. I can't take it. I am just done. I will probably end up in jail but all I can see is selling my house, telling them where we are moving and leaving. If they transfer his case, fine. If they claim I'm an unfit mother, than maybe they will consider still giving him some reasonable chance. But this is a set up- no way my kid can succeed at this. No way I'm going to put up with PO bit***ING over the fact that he can't. They obviously have no clue what our lives are like.

    And they really think commitment to state is going to straighten it all out?
  17. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    prayers for you and difficult child, I will be in court next week, sigh.... never ends does it?
  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am screaming for you
    The system makes me sick.
    I would be with you KLMNO..........
    Get some money and run.
  19. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I wish I had money to get. I used the equity to cover expenses this past year to make up for not getting a full-time salary. It wouldn't do any good to just sell the house- monthly rent would cost as much as the house payment.
  20. Sara PA

    Sara PA New Member

    When our son was having his "issues", my not-then-ex swore if we were in your situation we were leaving the state. He was serious. Fortunately we never had to find out if I would have gone along with it.

    Maybe the PO will get a different job and the next one won't be so interested in your son. I can hope....