Court Tomorrow

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Robinboots, Mar 15, 2010.

  1. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Yes, tomorrow, 10 am, CST. Talked to my attorney today for over an hour (ouch!). Have outline, documentation, back-up copies, etc. Also have an envelope of bank stuff, etc. for difficult child if he's "emancipated" - quotes because MO doesn't have "emancipation", but they DO have something similar. They just refuse to use the word.

    But, I digress - this is the part I hate. husband and I need to make a decision. We need to formally ask the judge for relief.

    Now, the judge can do one of several things, and we have a few options. None of them are good, really:

    He can order difficult child into the military. We're not sure, really, if this is possible, altho it could be good for him; there are plenty of volunteers these days plus with his record...yeah, right. If you'll recall, he was expelled from military school.

    He can order difficult child into residential treatment. Now, difficult child has been resistent to treatment because he thinks he's just fine and everyone else is the problem - a court-perpetuated myth, if you will! However, in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), he would be subject to SOME treatment, just by being there. Yes, he could fake it - but he might learn some coping/adjusting skills and be more in control, less apt to explode, etc. The downside, of course, is the cost, which we would have to absorb and which would be substantial.

    He can put difficult child back into detention - or even big-boy jail, now that he's 17. It would get him off the streets, away from us, I wouldn't have to lock up like Fort Knox and jump at every noise. He could also send difficult child into DYS - work-camp/school etc. for teens. Of course, he has his GED, and a job or two, so....

    He can send difficult child home, with instructions to behave. 'Cause, ya know, that has worked SO WELL the LAST 15 times!

    Thoughts? Ideas? Suggestions? Help??

    Me? I'm a wreck. About to lose it on all fronts. Am maintaining, just barely. Going through the motions, so to speak. Missed a BUNCH of deadlines this week, spent the day going through files and re-reading a lot of well, STUFF. You know.
  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I would refuse to bring him home. Send 12yo to one of your older children's until after court and refuse to bring him home.

    I'm sorry it has come to this.
  3. sunr

    sunr New Member

    hmmm. I went through the same struggle last week. Finally my 17 year old difficult child is put in detention center waiting for evaluation (no option of bringing him home as he himself into trouble by not showing up for the original hearing and having to brought in to court through a warrant). After that he will be moved to youth home. Not pretty. But we tried to take him to psychiatrists but he refuses to talk and problems are always with others. I am keeping my fingers crossed not knowing what the next steps are.

    Is any Residential Treatment Center (RTC) covered by your insurance? my insurance company has listed some here locally and I am going to request that after the evaluation.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending many calming hugs for tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Most states have funds for Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s if they are court ordered. Advocate for that and let them know IF he is sent home, you will need to apply for relief.- in my humble opinion. That tactic usually gets the point across to the judge pretty well.
  6. helpme

    helpme New Member

    I am definitely and strongly agreeing with klmno.

    I'll repeat it. "Most states have funds for Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s if they are court ordered. Advocate for that and let them know IF he is sent home, you will need to apply for relief.- in my humble opinion. That tactic usually gets the point across to the judge pretty well."

    Good luck, dealing with anything in MO/IL is a pain in the *** alright.
    My bet's on you though to get it done.
  7. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Thanks, all! For some reason the email notification didn't work and I'm just now seeing all the responses.... Got home about an hour ago; DJO recommended termination of his case, in conjunction with the new emancipation-law-which-they-don't-call-emancipation and we agreed. The judge, however, told difficult child that he was not happy with his lack of follow-through and his apparent inability to follow court orders, and they handcuffed him and took him back to detention.

    Friday we go back. Joy. I didn't look at difficult child, although I was sitting right next to him, so I don't really know how he reacted. Shock, I'm sure, since even the court has been letting him off the hook for so long, giving him more and more chances. I have three days now to find an Residential Treatment Center (RTC), check insurance, and see what the psychiatrist thinks - altho I'd called him last week, left a message, and he STILL hasn't gotten back to me, in spite of knowing we had court this morning.

  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I would push for military if you can get him to go by any means possible if it was me. Marines if you can swing it. They dont play. Be good for him. I always thought it was a wise thing they did when they offered military vs jail time to unruly kids back in the day. Grew many a rebellious teen up. And its free.
  9. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    True, but with his behavioral and delinquency record? I don't think they do that anymore....

    Can anyone interpret this? I'm checking our insurance for RTCs - says inpatient mental health is covered, but under "exclusions and limitations" it lists "mental health services received in residential treatment facilities". HUH??
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Get recommendations and check out 2-3 Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s yourself. If you find two that you think arre acceptable call them and asked them about getting costs covered- they can tell you about all those types of things.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I don't think the military would take him. If they did, I don't think he'd last.
    I'd try for the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but he'll probably end up in detention since he's 17.
    I'm sorry...I know this is so hard.
  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    To quote husband, who retired from the Army as a First Sgt, and also did a tour as a drill instructor for Basic Training: "The military is NOT some sort of free Residential Treatment Program for young adults!"

    The influx of kids given the "jail or military" choice (usually in small towns and counties), made his job a living hell. I'd suspect it is even worse now since they waiver in a lot of kids who wouldn't have qualified in husband's time.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im not advocating the military for robin or anything but I just have to say that I met some of the nicest kids while I was a Marine Mom that had been a bit rambunctious or rebellious as teens who decided it was best to go the Marine route rather than head down a darker path. Some did have a slight record or something that got waived. My son had to get ADHD waived.

    On the whole, these young men, kids as I thought of them...often called me Momma. They were polite, funny, cute, tough when they had to be but overall they were just good guys. I adored them all. I miss them. I still see a few because Jamie still has several who live near him up where he is and one will always be his lifelong BFF but I adored my time as a Marine Mom to those boys who didnt have a mom close by. I was their adopted Momma. I saw more Marine butt in green shorts than most 20 year old girls!
  14. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    LoL. Janet. I agree and husband did as well, that the military can be good for settling down the proverbial "wild hair". I just don't see it as an alternative solution for true criminals or ASPD type kids.

    And, LoL again, as "Top's" wife, I saw my share of cute soldier butt in yellow shorts
  15. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Exactly what I meant - not this kid. Don't forget, he was in a military academy and you know how THAT went. Sigh. Court again Friday, we'll see what happens. And what miracle I can come up with between now and then. Years ago, my stepbrother was one of those "wild" kids, but not mentally ill and not a criminal - he went in the Marines and wow, what a difference! Career, too.

    I did call the detention center, and then decided to go see him. I had the girl ask, and difficult child said yes, he wanted me to come.

    Okay, okay - you all get THREE guesses as to how that went, lol. Probably don't even need three, but hey - guess who's fault this is?


    I just stared at him. Seriously? I explained again, went over every word of the court session - which lasted maybe 10 minutes - esp. the part where MY attorney said we'd agree to case closure/end of jurisdiction, etc. *I* said nothing at this point, or even after. But nope, according to difficult child, I got "what I wanted". Well, in fairness, altho I don't FEEL like being fair at the moment, I'd rather he be locked up and "safe" than running who knows where.

    He also said he'd just put money on his phone - lie. And that he had, in his pocket before he was taken downstairs, an old school debit card. Said he had a couple dollars on it. Lie again. That card/account has had a negative balance of $210 for 3-4 months. I checked, he tried to use it twice yesterday and got charged FOUR MORE dollars on it. Grrrr. Can he NOT TELL THE FLIPPIN TRUTH for ONE SECOND????????

    Tomorrow is regular visiting hours for his unit - 7-7:30. Not sure if I'm going. I asked him, he said it was up to me. Oh, and he said he was "out" of his Risperdal and had been "for a few days". I haven't checked the dates on that yet.
  16. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    The attitude you are seeing in him is so common when boys are first incarcerated. There seems to be a series of phases they go thru before things really start sinking in- kind of like there are phases people go thru in grieving over the death of a loved one except this is the kid ulttimately figuring out that it was their own behavior that got them in there. Just stay consistent and don't engage- he'll figure it out if he's in there a while. If they were tto put him in a good, safe juvenile facility for a while it might be the best thing for him at this point.
  17. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Thanks, but his attitude is common to him, ALL the time. A year ago he was in there for three weeks - he "changed" enough to get everyone feeling sorry for him and to get out. 24 hours later, he was back to his old self. And can only manage to appear changed for a week or so, and the problems start when we call him on his behavior.
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, I'm talking about a WHOLE lot longer than 3 weeks. My son is getting out tomorrow after a 14 mo stay and I'm hoping it's been long enough.
  19. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    14 months in detention?? Sheesh. Oh, I checked his medications this morning - he should have 7 left, assuming he actually took one every day. Dangit.
  20. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    Oh, I forgot the best part!

    difficult child was upset because my attorney was in court with us - and he was "appalled" that I hadn't retained a lawyer for HIM. Seriously? Tens of thousands of dollars spent on schools, doctors, etc., and I should hire a lawyer for HIM because HE broke HIS probation???????????