Court & Updates

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Deni, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. Deni

    Deni New Member

    Sorry I havent been around but it seems alot of times I tend to shut everyone and everything out when things get bad.

    Most of you may remember I posted a thread back in January "Arrested! Can anyone help?" Well here is the update since then.

    I took almost 2 weeks off from work to deal with all the mental issues my son caused me by falsely accusing me of hitting him and being arrested. I ended up seeing a psychologist and put on Prozac to help deal with what I was dealing with.

    After my son had me arrested, I ended up losing my job because of events that occurred due to the arrest. I had been on my job almost 3 years and this didnt make things any better. And since I lost my job, I lost my insurance so I was no longer able to see the psychologist. And unfortunately, since I don't have any children depending on me, haven't been able to find any assistance. Apparently, if you are alone, you are suppose to be able to make it work.
    I haven't been able to get back to police dispatching due to the charge being family violence. And since the economy is so bad, haven't been able to find work anywhere else.

    The municipal court in the city in which I live/was arrested had plans to move their court so they put off scheduling my jury trial for almost a year. I just went to court Dec 4.

    Prior to the court date, I have not seen my son and have only talked to him 3 times. difficult child was very cold and very brief with me on the phone. I figure dex was either standing over him or recording the call. My sister did run into difficult child in the store and took picture and sent to me, didn't even look like him.

    My son was 6'2" 243lbs when he left my house. difficult child is now 6'4" and weighs about 160(if that) within 2 months of moving to dex's, he dropped over 70lbs.

    Once I got notice of the court date, I contacted the pharmacy to get records of the medications difficult child was taking. Just what I thought, dex had DOUBLED his medications which caused the dramatic weight loss.

    Our day in court, my MOM and difficult child 1 were my witnesses. It turns out that difficult child told difficult child 1 when they ran away the night before that he was going to tell cops I hit him so he could go live with his father and if that didn't work, difficult child was going to hurt himself to leave bruises and say I did it so I would go to jail. I had all the police reports from 2 different cities and all citations from 3 different cities. difficult child sat on the stand and denied over half of them even though my attorney had them in hand and was reading from them.

    difficult child's accusation was that we were sitting on the couch and he got up because he was done talking and I grabbed him and pinned him on the couch for no reason and then because he was trying to get up, I hit him in the back of the head with a partially closed fist.

    The TRUTH...difficult child and I were sitting on the couch, difficult child flipped, threw himself back, hit his head on the wall behind the couch, stood up and started punching hisself in the face. I stood up, grabbed his arms trying to restrain him from hitting himself anymore. During the struggle, he went to his knees with chest on couch and I held him there till he calmed down.

    I will save you from all the lies that he told in the court, THE CONCLUSION.....I was aquitted! The charge has been I just have to pay to have the record espunged. Finally, I get some justice.

    Dex did allow me to hug difficult child but difficult child was very cold and when I told him that I still loved him, his response was "ok." When difficult child was on the stand, he NEVER referred to me or my mom by mom and nana, he called us by names! I was devastated!

    difficult child doesn't really look good. Even my attorney was able to tell that difficult child was sedated, extremely thin, black circles under his eyes and had blank stare on his face the entire time with mouth open a little...I just cried. difficult child showed NO emotion to anything.

    So, naturally dex denies any problems and claims everything is awesome...whatever! I am sure they are since difficult child doesn't have energy to do anything. That is one thing I was trying to prevent when I had difficult child. I didn't want difficult child to be a zombie.

    So, the charge is disposed of and I am hoping to get back into dispatching real soon. I miss difficult child but know that he could never live in my home again and I am still struggling with losing yet another child even if difficult child is still living and still questioning how and why difficult child could do any of that to me.

    I just want to say THANKS for all the support from all of you here and the knowledge to make sure I document and save all records from the day I discovered this site. I honestly think all the records I had made my case. Dex was called as a witness for the state(difficult child) and he attempted to make it all my fault for difficult child's behavior. My attorney made very valid points that there were police reports, arrest reports, citations and discipline records from the school. My attoney was AMAZING!!!
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    What an ordeal!!! I'm glad you were acquitted--but what a nightmare while you waited for your day in court!

    Hopefully, you will be able to get your life back soon...What a shame you lost your job over all this.

  3. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    I'm glad that you received justice. I don't quite understand how husband doubles medications if the doctor doesn't order that dose. We don't get one extra pill even if one falls accidently. No back up at all.

    Getting back to dispatching may help you get out of a funk.
    Life is never easy with difficult child's. Hang in there.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Deni, I am sorry that '09 was so very rough for you. Fingers crossed that the New Year will bring you more peace and happiness than you have known in recent years. It sounds as though you are detaching as much as possible which is the key to living the happy life you deserve. Hugs. DDD
  5. Deni

    Deni New Member

    Dex is doing it the same way he did before when he had custody. He tells the dr that difficult child is still acting out till he increases the dosage. Dex is content with difficult child being a zombie...then he doesn't have to deal with him.

    Thanks for all the encouraging words!! I also hope this next year brings me good. However, I did have one good thing happen in 2009. I re-connected with a love from the past and he proposed. It's official, I am engaged...not sure on the date yet. And he dealt with difficult child in 2006 and has been really supportive during this ordeal this year.
  6. helpme

    helpme New Member

    Phew..been there done that (Been There Done That/This)
    I was charged with domestic battery on my 17 yo daughter
    in July on a Friday, arrested on Tuesday afternoon, and in
    court defending myself against an Emergency Order of Protection
    filed by my soon to be ex and my daughter.

    In January, I finally got a State's Attorney to listen to me.
    I demanded that the state show me discovery, which would
    include the current 5 y divorce proceedings and the still
    unresolved custody issues affecting our 3 children, the
    past child support issues, the Order of Protection issues
    with my son which lasted since 06 and are now finalized
    until '11, the numerous police reports of the daughter's
    behavior while in my custody, the visitation interference
    issues where my soon to be ex husband where he wouldn't
    return the sick children to my care nor take them for
    medical care. I told the SA that it if it was gonna cost
    me a thousand dollars for an attorney to defend myself
    that we better make sure the State of IL knows ALL of
    the information. A few clicks of the computer to
    verify the information led to a ..."case dismissed".

    I still need to see a counselor. I'm soooo happy that
    you got the help you needed. I bet the struggles with
    your career and insurance were/are tremendously

    As far as dex goes, I can totally relate. I won't even
    go into my opinions on people like him or my STBX.
    As far as the child on the stand, been there done that, my youngest
    was 12 and she was highly respected when she had
    her turn explaining the truth about her siblings and
    her/their dad.

    The pain from the incident and from the children
    situations after the incident is atrocious. I now
    have to deal with a 17 y old brat who insists it is
    her right to (my wording--corrupt) her sister. I
    realized in the beginning that I was not truly
    fighting the child or children, but the STBX.
    But also in realizing that, it makes me very vulnerable
    to the children's manipulation and domination as

    I'm glad your attorney did a good job. My proceeding
    was within our divorce case by the same judge.
    I'm sure it will be in my benefit in the long run.

    I wish you the best in your fight for your son, and
    in returning to your job and some security. It's
    a long journey and remember to take care of yourself.
  7. Deni

    Deni New Member

    Thanks and I wish you the best with everything as well. I do just want to make sure I am clear on something. I am NOT fighting for my son. difficult child will continue to live with his father until whenever. I cannot allow him back in my home and risk him doing something like this again. I am sure noone here will but please don't doubt that I love my son but being arrested was very tramatizing for me, not to mention, my OWN son put me there. I just hope that he comes to realize what he has done before it's too late. I also hopes that he makes peace with GOD for his doings and the lies that he has told...

  8. Robinboots

    Robinboots New Member

    OMG. This is SO famliar! We had a few police calls over time because of J's violence/threatening behavior, etc. TWICE he accused us of abuse and the charges were unsubstantiated.

    Last March he hit me; it was nothing, but I pressed charges because I.couldn' He spent 3 weeks in detention. For 24 hours after his release, he was an angel. Eight days later, he was removed from our house in handcuffs.

    What happened: husband told him to turn down the stereo; he refused. It escalated. husband started to take the computer, etc. out of his room and J kept banging on the desk, walls, etc. mouthing the whole time. Then J called me an ****** biotch. husband took him by the shoulders, got in his face, and told him to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

    J threw himself and husband to the floor, when husband tried to pick him up, J threw them both into the desk, bed, floor again. Then J ran out and called the police.

    The officers understood. They took J in. The DJO supervisor fell for J's b.s. and took him into protective custody. Thank God, husband was not arrested, but we had court - postponed because of husband's cancer surgery, and it was eventually amended to "J engaged in an altercation".

    I am so sorry for you and all you've been through. I understand. In our case, it's all about retaliation....
  9. helpme

    helpme New Member

    in fighting for your/my said it better with....
    >I just hope that he comes to realize what he has done before it's too late. I also hopes that he makes peace with GOD for his doings and the lies that he has told...

    I am in detachment but I really can't fully detach since I am still
    in protective mode over the youngest. But if I didn't have a youngest one,
    or the divorce proceedings, I'd be so done with all of the nonsense that they'd have to find a new word for DONE. So, I stay aware, but I don't care. I also truly love all of my kids. But for some kids, their behavior will destroy anyone in their paths, and I can only pray that all of these children find a better path in life, and that others might learn from what we have gone through.

    >I am NOT fighting for my son. difficult child will continue to live with his father until whenever...

    yup. that's the next battle alright. it's the whenever part that scares us all. I wouldn't dare accept either of my oldest two EVER. I guess what I was trying to say is that, for some of us, we are battling with the child, others are battling with the child & their enablers (like Dex). My oldest two were and are enabled and for those of us suffering in this/that situation, we worry what happens when the enabling ends? Or who will these kids manipulate or control or abuse next? Besides themselves? Many people here are dealing with those exact issues. To all those people, remember that there are a lot of us listening and learning :)

    And no, we aren't the only parents who's kids have arrested or physically hurt them. I am positive that the stuff I went through could have been
    a hell of a lot for you..losing your job and insurance. I'm sure others here, lurking or non, have been through even worse, unfortunately.

    Find someone "unbiased" to listen to you, either on the web or in real life, and keep reading on how to protect yourself and others in what's to come. Many hugs to you and those offering you support.