cps again

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Jena, Jan 19, 2011.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm telling you what is god doing trying to test my strength see how much warrior mom i am a person what what is it?? i'm dying to know at this point.

    i'm being tested on every level, the whole what doesnt' kill you makes you stronger thing keeps playing in my head.

    am i lucky that difficult child doesn't have cancer without a doubt it's just all the other life junk that's pressing my poor buttons.

    cps called me today in oregon. yup. whoever didd this to me i'd like to take a bat and well you can complete that sentence.

    not only did i have to get a letter faxed immediately to new york the cps unit confirming i'm not a loser mom and my kid really is here now they want to meet easy child and husband. their questioning if easy child is home alone etc. i have to find out the laws for kids staying home alone at night till 11 in new york. anyone out there a lawyer and wanna do some digging.

    so got letter faxed, husband is really stressing about this alot. he's gotta call cps woman now also set up an appointment with her. he's gotta go fix neighbor situation so ppl dont start catching on easy child's home alone.

    i'm just really mad. i mean i should be getting mom of year award not this bs. if i find out his ex did this i'm sorry you guys but i'm goign to beat the living day lights out of her when i get home. it's truly that simple. one shot to the face with my fist and call it a day
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Oy. I'd be tempted to use my truck instead of my fist.
  3. Jena

    Jena New Member

    I don't know if it's her. cps wouldnt' devulge which made me think it might be. if it's a school generally they'll say it's the school. i'm just mad. i gotta go ride a horse take kickboxing something. i'm wildly ****** right now
  4. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Nah-ah...I've had 2 schools call on me 3 times and they STILL won't tell you who reported it. See I can't tell you if NYS CPS would ok with a 17 year old home alone until 11. It seems to me that since they're allowed to BABYSIT until 4 or 5 in the morning, it really seems STUPID for them to have an issue with her being home, watching tv and doing her homework. She can have an abortion, be handed birth control in school, and go see R rated movies - but HOME? Heaven Forbid!

    Tell husband not to sweat it. Make sure there's nutritious food in the house and a bed for her to sleep in. He'll explain the situation and all will be over and done with faster than you know. If she's doing well in school, have him hand them her report card.

    Saying prayers for you guys!

  5. jal

    jal Member

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry! (For you and me ... I typed a long answer and then hit a button on the side of my mouse. It deletes the screen. Who invented THAT?)

    Some day when you have time (ha!) document all the false alarms ex- has filed, and give it to CPS to flag your file. Then the next time she complains, (assuming she was the one) they'll call you and say something like, "So sorry to bother you, but you know that we're required to follow up on every call, and we heard that you have aliens living on your roof."
    You burst out laughing, and the worker says, "Ah, so it's like that. Thought so. Again, sorry to bother you."
    End of conversation.

    One can only hope ...
  7. Jena

    Jena New Member

    lol how about wheni return i file one against her?? than again that would involve my step kids who i love minus the oldest nasty one.
  8. Jena

    Jena New Member

    so this is yet another travel the warrior mom must walk. you know what beth you humble me i wanna beat ppl....... where oh where did difficult child get her rage from? LOL

    thanks you guys always have a way of making me less dramatic
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    No, you don't have to file against her. Just document her complaints and make a copy and give it to CPS. The next time they call, tell them about her and give them the name of the person at CPS who accepted the documentation and tell them to look in your file.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    At 17 she can actually leave your house and refuse to return and you cant make her. Of course, you cant kick her out but that is a whole nother ball of wax. Your dtr is so close to 18 that no one is going to have a problem with her being alone at night. Heavens, you could give permission for her to marry or go into the military if she had a GED! There are kids her age right now dying in Iraq. Ok...not a good example. My son actually was sworn into the Marines 2 months before his 18th birthday. So there CPS! My dad was fighting in the south pacific when he was 17. I think that means he wasnt at home with a parent supervising him...lol.

    Tell CPS we can have hundreds of examples where they know kids are allowed to be home alone...just watch the movie!

    Like someone else said...I think the age for babysitting is 12 in most states anyway.
  11. Jena

    Jena New Member

    technically and not to be a witch they have no right to be asking to meet husband and easy child. they aren't in the "report" and there is no basis for concern with either of them. so i'll be calling them back tmrw and stating hey no i'm good you aren't walking into my house
  12. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jena - I know you need this aggravation like you need a hole in your head, but the flip side of the coin is they have the report, they haven't seen difficult child, and they *do* have to follow up on the report. There are enough horrific stories in the paper about parents doing horrible things to their kids - for all they know, you've flown the coop to avoid the investigation. We all know that's not the case, but CPS doesn't know it.

    I know a lot of people have a knee-jerk negative response to an investigation, but I gotta tell you... I think it's much simpler to let them come in, see the house, see difficult child (or talk with- her doctors now) than it is to turn this into a worse nightmare. been there done that - and of course the day we got reported was the one day in a blue moon I had pulled carpets, moved furniture to the middle of the family room, and was doing a mega-manic cleaning. Poor SW didn't even have a place to sit. I just told him that it was a cleaning day, got him the phone numbers of all thank you's doctors, showed him medications, gave him dates of hospitalizations up to that point, and didn't worry too terribly much about it. Bottom line, if you're not abusing/neglecting your kid, I believe whole-heartedly that there's nothing to worry about.

    Because husband and easy child live in your home, I think CPS can talk to them. When they showed up at my door, the guy interviewed not only me and husband, but also the 3 pcs (who were I think 2, 5, and 11 at the time). He'd already interviewed thank you at his school. I think denying them access to your home and family is only going to make this more difficult and time consuming.
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sue is right. Let them talk to husband and easy child. There is no law saying that you cannot leave 17yo easy child home alone for a week or three while you go to the Bahamas. It is how so many rich kids end up having the big parties, Know what I mean?? What can husband or easy child say that would change that? She can live on her own, walk out whenever she wants, so she can also stay home alone.

    If you tell CPS that they cannot see her it is going to just HURT YOU in the long run. Unless you have something to hide then let CPS look at the house, and talk to easy child and husband. If you are worried, have a lawyer there, but don't just refuse access unless you don't want it to go away. This may be the ex or it may be the neighbor who got bitten saying that she isn't old enough to be home alone. Either way, you have done nothing wrong. So don't hide. You have enough from docs, tdocs, etc... to back up difficult child's treatment, absences, etc... and you can let easy child and husband handle the rest. They are both old enough to cope with this on their own with-o you getting upset or forbidding it.
  14. Jena

    Jena New Member


    i appreciate the thoughts. yet cps got documentation from this facility about her being her. the school was called and the school said how i've complied with everything through difficult child's ongoing illness. the last thing easy child needs right now is to be in a position of having to meet a cps person.

    so they can put that report on hold until i return or stuff it where ummm the want. i'm not angry im just making it very clear not happening. they wanna go meet husband quick no problem. yet i am not in anyway allowing them to put easy child in that situation. it's unacceptable the entire thing.

    so i'm kinda done with it. they cant' remove easy child from my home she's 18 in 4 mos. and if they wanna fly out here and rip difficult child out of her hospital bed than let them try :)

    me being calm :)
  15. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    Why on earth are they so worried about a 17 year old being home alone at 11:00 pm? Surely they don't think that you just abandoned her and left her there with no support? She has a place to live, she's being provided for financially, and she's under the supervision of your husband. As long as she's doing OK in school, they should have nothing to investigte. She is not a child. A lot of girls her age are working or they're out cruising around with their friends at 11:00 pm and stay out a lot later than that! She's HOME, for Pete's sake! What's their problem?
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is this a report that either child is not in school or is the report that either child is unattended? I think that makes a difference.

    Whichever way it goes, CPS is gonna do what they want and you just have to be as open and honest with them as you can be or they will make your life a living hell. One thing you dont want with all you have going on is abuse or neglect substantiated against you and they can do that without taking you to court or letting you fight your side of the case. I know, they have done it to me. If you dont have any criminal charges filed, you cant present your side so the black mark is just on your record forever and you can do nothing about it.

    It is entirely possible that some part of the school district that has nothing to do with her home school noticed her excessive absences and it triggered the parental truancy report to CPS.

    I had CPS all over my butt the summer Cory turned 11 because he was headed to wilderness camp. We had no daycare here that would take him. Tony and I both worked full-time. We live out in the middle of nowhere. So my only option was to leave Cory home alone for a couple of hours...maybe 2 because he had his tech then. Jamie would watch him for me and we had a neighbor that Jamie could access if any other help was needed and I worked literally 3 miles away. We were actually sitting at the house waiting for the spot to open for him to go to the wilderness camp. It could have come at any day that summer. It finally came I think August 25th or so.

    Cory had this tech who was awful. In the beginning I was bringing Cory to my work so she could pick him up there because you simply cannot find my house unless you know where it is and she wouldnt until she had taken Cory home a few times. Well...I worked for the county and really...you cant bring your kids to work...you just cant. So I would bring him with me and have him sit right outside of my co-workers window. We started work at 8. I stood with him until 8. Then she watched him through the window. This tech was supposed to pick him up no later than 8:15. She never got there until at least 8;30 or 9;00. I complained and got her fired. I know she is the one who called CPS on me.

    They laid allegations that I was neglecting Cory, Jamie and Billy by allowing them to stay home alone while I worked. Ummm. By the time the allegations were alleged, Jamie was 13, Billy was 16 and didnt even live with me and Cory was 11 and Jamie was old enough to babysit Cory. Ludicrous.

    Well the schools here open sometime in early August. I didnt send Cory. It was also alleged that I committed educational neglect because I didnt send Cory to school when it opened that year. I didnt because he was going to enroll in the school at the wilderness camp. I had been told it would be pointless to have him go for a week. The following year I got a call from the middle school that he wouldnt have attended even if he had been home...but he wasnt home, he was still at the camp, asking me why he wasnt at their school...saying I could be brought up on charges because he wasnt in school. Oh I let them have it then. Idjits.

    I have been round the block with CPS. And I worked for Social Services.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sure you don't want to hear it...but in most States once a complaint is filed the social worker has to check it out in person or lose their job. Yep. Ninety percent of the time it only takies five minutes but with the economy the worker would be insane not to follow the rules. Obviously it is bogus but you don't know what the complaint says. It could say that your home is inhabited by alligators that endanger your children. I was a State volunteer advocate for years who's job it was to monitor social services. The confidential files were open to me and any citizen could contact me via the State office to complain about CPS. You're right that most of the allegations were completely unfounded and called in by disgruntled family members or neighbors just to cause grief...but...if an investigation was not done there were definite regulations that resulted in repercussions for the workers. DDD
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Janet that's horrible and i am so sorry you had to go through that. unnecessary drama and stress for us parents. the hell with that there are parents out there abusing their kids they need not knock on our doors once they "get" that we're ok and above board. i'm telling you if these people keep busting my you know what next i'll write a letter about cps and give it to newsday to print about how a mom struggled with her very sick child and not medically child to get help while cps harrassed her along the way and how the system needs tweeking to say the least.

    iv'e got nothing but hospital time and just refeeding this kid plenty of time to write a nice little article about them. seriously while their pounding on our doors parents are pounding on their kids heads and those are the parents that should be being pursued. once a report has been investigated and unfound thats' it shredder time do not harrass my family. oh no
  19. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Hey Jena! I'm going to have to say this honey...are you REALLY in a position to stand on principles right now? As you said, you're clear across the country, trying to save your one daughter - do you really need to get into this type of thing by not allowing access. What could be a quick "meet and greet" with easy child and husband, could potentially turn into a months long investigation. You can still write your article, raise the roof, set ACS back on it heals, teach 'em a lesson, etc. But do you really want to do that with the potential of ACS returning to see easy child and husband with a police escort?

    Trust me, I know how you feel - heck, any one of us that have had ACS show up at the door have said EVERYTHING you've said. We understand. But you need to look at the bigger picture here. ACS can have a police escort into your home if you refuse access. Plain and simple. How upset and embarrassed will a 17 year old girl be when the cops are outside your door lights flashing and potentially pushing their way into your home?

    Don't do this...being mad is overtaking your reason right now...I DO know how you feel - been there done that FOUR times - and never did the complaint have ANYTHING to do with me.

    Don't hate me...I'm just trying to watch your back! :sorrysmiley:

  20. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I've been round the block with CPS, too. BM used to call them routinely with wild stories. They got called on her twice, NOT BY US (more in a moment on this).

    One time she alleged we forced a suicidal Onyxx to keep three loaded guns in her room. One, we had a rifle and a BB gun - no ammo for either at the time - the rifle had a trigger lock and was locked in our bedroom closet - the BB gun was actually in father in law's trailer. 15 miles away. The caseworker got REALLY NASTY with husband and told him he should just give BM custody because obviously he didn't have a clue how to care for children. I walked in from work (blindsided except for the sight of the cop car in my driveway) just in time to hear this. I said hello to husband and asked him what was for dinner - to which he replied (and I will never forget this) - broiled perch, wild rice and brussels sprouts. Mr. Caseworker muttered under his breath something about the last bit... And Jett came running out to ask if he could help with them. Report came out the next week: No finding.

    Now - the other ones. Jett's school called once because he told a teacher Mommy punched him in the head. When the caseworker came by, they started interrogating me! I was confused at first - but Jett interrupted and told them, "WRONG MOMMY!" So they spoke with BM - and she denied it (despite the purple goose egg on his head) - so no finding.

    Another time, the psychiatric hospital called them regarding Onyxx being molested by BM's creep. And the finding? "Indicated". Nothing else - because BM cried wolf so many times she destroyed Onyxx's credibility.

    So after all this long rambling, my point - cooperate fully - there are a lot of people who do neglect and/or abuse their children - but you aren't one of them.

    And easy child? Hahaha - my parents would go out of town when I was 16, for 2-3 days, I would be on my own. I know, different era, but easy child is old enough. Ugh!!!