CPS and Family Preservation

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by debi, Dec 2, 2008.

  1. debi

    debi New Member

    Anyone know anything about this??
    Let me tell you the story of my day and how I came about getting CPS involved:

    My difficult child who is on a 10 day OOS with an expulsion hearing on Friday is just not motivated to do anything but be deviant. Today he would not get out of bed (says "what? You think you are going to get me out of this bed) and refuses to do any of the homework they have given me (has all F's even though his IQ is 132). He is coming home high on marijuana every night and violating his curfew (there is no grounding at our house since he challenges me every time and just walks out of the house). He was in a really weird mood. He came downstairs and brought his down comforter with him which he put over my head and then full body squeezed me with his arms. He did this 4 times and after asking him to stop i got really mad and told him not to touch me again. He then proceeded to antagonize me by telling me how ugly my hair and clothing and face were. Just being mean and obnoxious.
    He had a counseling appointment and refused to go and stated he had other things to do. I told him house phone, internet, and tv in his room were all gone.
    I then went back to the computer. He came down and screamed in my ear (just ruptured my eardrum 4 days ago due to a sinus infection) and I reflexively put my arm up and popped him in the head. He went off, he completely freaked. In my face telling me that he was going to show me what it felt like to be hit by a man, just yelling and screaming. Told him I was calling 911, he ripped the phone out of the wall and told me that I was about to be knocked out and would not be able to call the police.
    I told him to get out of the house and that I was finally at my breaking point and was going to request help from the juvenile court. He took my car and house keys and refused to give them to me unless I gave him cigarettes. I eventually gave in and gave him some so he would leave.
    This all happened in front of my 1 and 3 year old! I did not call the cops because they will not do ANYTHING. I have called multiple times and they will not do anything unless he punches me.
    He left and I went to the juvenile court. NOPE, nothing they can do for me. I called social services and asked that they get involved.
    So now they are opening a case and getting a family preservation counselor involved.
    I just want him OUT. His bio father actually told me to let difficult child punch me so that way they will do something. What a moron, so I am supposed to let my son beat me up in front of my little girls. I am so done. I have nothing left to give anymore.
    And on top of all this, husband decided he did not want to live here anymore and left for 4 days. He came back but has not even spoken to me. He thinks that I am enabling difficult child. I am just trying to keep the peace. he just does not get it that there is only so much I can take.

    So...after all this .... anyone have a family study and family preservation services through CPS???
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2008
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would take the two little ones and go to a shelter for domestic abuse and stay there. They would know about services. I would not be able to live with that sort of fear and violence with husband of no help at all. Sometimes you have to go to the institution in order to get the ball rolling. This kid needs to be locked up in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) where he can get help and no longer hurt anyone.
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Hi and welcome! It broke my heart to hear your story. I haven't gone through this personally, but I feel sure that some others here can offer some similar experience. It sounds like you have done and are doing all you can. I think you are doing the right thing, so please hang in there. I hope cps can help you and save this from getting worse- for your sake and the sake of the younger ones. Others should be coming along soon to welcome you.
  4. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    I would have him petitioned to a mental health hospital. He is obviously in danger of harming 'others' - meaning you. I would tell the judge that he tried to suffocate you with-the down blanket. Seriously, that is very odd.

    Google Person in Need of Services. Request one for your son.

    A person in need of supervision (PINS) is a person under the age of 16 who does any or all of the following:

    * Fails to attend school
    * Behaves in a way that is out of control
    * Often disobeys parents, guardians, or other authorities
    * Is in possession of marijuana
    * Runs away or stays out late

    I would have to wonder if he's doing more than smoking some pot. These behaviors are VERY scary. INSIST upon help.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    goldenguru brings up a good option- here they call it Child In Need of Services (CHINS) so you might try that term if PINS doesn't work for your area.
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Also, skip the police and call the DA or juvenile intake directly and see what they say. Or, call the state dept of mental health and your local social services, just to get some info to start out with. I've done some of that here and I really don't like any of the options, but at least I started getting someone to tell me what was and wasn't available for us.
  7. maril

    maril New Member

    I can offer no information about CPS but think that it sounds like you have no other choice than to take action. I am surprised that your prior attempts at getting help have hit a dead end; that is awful. Hugs to you.
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2008
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am TOTALLY SCARED FOR YOU. He is going to kill you. The bit with the down blanket was very dangerous. What would have happened to your daughter's if he had smothered you right then and there?

    If your husband is not going to intervene when he sees your life in danger, then YOU MUST STEP UP AND PROTECT YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN.

    You have no other options that are safe than to go NOW to a domestic violence shelter.

    You are being ABUSED. So are your young children. Simply by seeing their brother do these things to you they are being abused.


    I am BEGGING you to do this for your daughters' sakes.

    I don't know what your husband means by enabling. If he means he wants your son out of the home, he is right. If he means something else, well, I don't know what the entire situation it.

    But in 1 "episode" your son

    a. tried to smother you 4 times iwth a comforter,
    b. verbally abused you when you told him to stop trying to kill you,
    c. tried to further damage your hearing by screaming in your ear
    d. threatened to show you what it was like to "get hit by a man"
    e. refused to let you call for emergency/police services (can be considered unlawful imprisonment in some areas)
    f. refused to let you have the house/vehicle keys unless you gave him something (again, can be considered unlawful imprisonment in some areas)

    On top of all of this he did this in front of your young daughters.

    Stop and Think.

    What would you counsel your daughters to do if ANYONE did this to them when they were adults?

    First and foremost you would counsel them to get to a safe environment, no matter what it took.

    I am not sure if your son is using drugs other than pot (probably as pot is often laced with other drugs, so even if he isn't searching out other drugs he is likely to be using other drugs), or if this is a result of some mental illness or a psychotic break or some other problem all together.

    I DO know that you have a responsibility to those little girls. Your son has another parent. He can stay there, or you can get other services through the shelter.

    PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE protect those girls. And yourself. Because if you are not there, who will protect them?

    I am SOOO SORRY. I know this is impossibly hard. We are here for you, and will send all the support we can.