CPS came to my house this morning..I am so scared

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Feb 1, 2013.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress New Member

    I know some of you read my few other posts about difficult child refusing to go to school these past 2 weeks. He has been on a downward slide since school began this past Sept. I have been speaking with and meeting with the school social worker and difficult child's guidance counselor regarding difficult child anxiety issues in general and other fears of school since then. difficult child never had issues with school before this year ( only at home). Anyway, 2 weeks ago we met with psychiatrist and got diagnosis of mood disorder(depression) and adhd (behavioral) and just started medications about 5 days ago. Also this week difficult child had first meeting with a therapist. I have told the school social worker all of this and with each conversation, she gets a little less nice and more sort of demanding that I get difficult child into school....obviously I would if I could! We try everyday, most of the day and all this leads to is difficult child holding his head and crying that he just can't and he doesn't know why, school work too much, etc......I know I went into all this before in other posts. The school social worker warned me if we do nothing that she would file reports on us and apparently she does not believe me ( she said she sees plenty of students with anxiety and they all come to school so there is no reason difficult child does not come in!) so she filed a report against me and CPS came to see me this morning.
    Basically CPS said they had to follow up on any report and she wanted me to sign waviers so she can get difficult child's medical reports and also school records from everyone we have been seeing. She asked our history of how this all began and the how things came to this point. I had all the names and numbers of everyone we are seeing and she said I have made her job much easier because it looks like we are doing all the right things. I told her we are waiting on a letter from the psychiatrist regarding the school giving us home schooling for a bit but the letter will not be ready till next week I was told. CPS asked to speak to my 7 yr old easy child and then to my difficult child who was scared but did sort of uh huh her mostly for whatever she asked.
    I was scared and started crying and asked if she is going to take my children away! She said that she is there to get us help and they do not like to ever remove children from their home unless warranted. She was very kind but I am still scared and sick over this! Obviously we are concerned for our difficult child and are doing whatever we can at this point! I am so angry at the school social worker...how dare she do this to us and she knows that we are already meeting with psychiatrist and therapist! Why?? Why?? I have always been in touch with the school from the start so what makes them think at all that I am not on top of this?? CPS said they will look into all of this and get back to us!
    What do you think will happen? I can't stop feeling horrible and sick and scared I will lose my children! My difficult child has an illness! You may not be able to see it like a physical disability but obviously something is wrong. I am not neglecting, abusing or mistreating my children like the report says it is investigating!! How can the school say this when I have kept them informed and asked for help? Even the new therapist we see said we are doing all the things correctly! What kind of help is this???
    Thanks for all your help and support.

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The person from CPS has already told you that SHE sees that this is a kid with major challenges and needs... and parents who are honestly trying everything and anything they can.
    If the school "report" doesn't jive with what CPS learns... CPS wins, not school - which means, you win.
    Yes, it's stressful. But I think this will turn out either neutral (keep doing what you're doing), or CPS will have additional resources available to help.
  3. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are feeling bad. And sorry school social worker did this behind your back, that is bad form certainly. But did you ask from CPS worker if they have any ways to help you? I of course don't know your system and in our system kids are often removed much too late from parents even when it would be necessary. But our CPS gets quite easily involved when kids are having troubles and they do have some resources to help.

    You do have to find a solution to your son's schooling and I was wondering if maybe CPS being involved could even be helpful.
  4. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    This may be a case of when the SW hands were tied so keep that in mind. Yes she could have given you a heads up but she may have state or local laws that require her to report certain things even if she is aware you are trying to fix them. I recently had CPS called on my daughter as well and honestly they were very supportive since it was clear that we were doing multiple things to ensure difficult child's safety. The charges were mostly false anyway but regardless they saw that difficult child was in therapy and after speaking with all of us determined the situation was being handled. I haven't heard from them since.

    In my case my difficult child chose to leave my home and therefore there was no further support I could really be involved in. In your case maybe having CPS called will be a good thing. They have access to further support and actions that could help with these issues.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    In the districts I worked in I often shared office space and taught social skills groups with the SW. I learned that here, if so many days are missed without an IEP reducing hours or a dr excuse (sometimes even then) it was an automatic report. I do see your sw is being unsupportive, but as I said before, you just keep showing them all you're doing, even ask for a case manager through county mental health and they will want to help. Thats why most of them really went into social work. Child protection can ruin them but a family like yours? They will want to help. They are not in danger so they're not taking them.
    You can switch to home schooling till he is stable and then get all your medication stuff in order and get him in sp. ed. Too. It's an option and the district has to back off if you do that. You can look at charter schools too then. For one year, even if he does not much work, it might be worth it.

    I know it feels awful. I did what you did and shared it all. We already had case management so our stuff was already on file. I still asked if they had anything to offer, lol! He said you have more than we ever give anyone.....haha.

    I pulled Q out last year till he got a better placement
    We did homebound not homeschool and he learned nothing. But though so hard on me (selfish statement I know) it was the best thing. We found a much better settimg. Cps back when that happened? Said simply if they get no reports for six months its closed. Six months later & that's the letter I got. He was much like yours sounded. It was scary just because they do have power but really they don't have funds to house kids who skip school!
  6. jal

    jal Member

    I am sorry you are going through this, but you are doing everything and documenting everything so you should have absolutely nothing to worry about in regards to CPS taking your kids. I would ask CPS if they have any way to help you too. We once went through DCF VOLUNTARY services because we werwe at our wits end and got in free home therapy 2x's a week for our son from a local agency, plus respite, which we never used. They even paid for him to attend some sessions of an expensive local summer camp and this is our biological child. We were involved with them for maybe a year, but its been about 5 years since then. Due to budget cuts and all, I don't know what may be left, but it could be worth a try. Good luck to you.
  7. paperplate

    paperplate New Member

    My sister works for CPS and she said they rarely remove children. And it's physical or sexual abuse etc.... This is not that type of situation. In this situation, they'll just give you resources, however, if you already have all the resources you need, they typically close out the case or may give you some extra services. Your paper trail shows you're trying. Sometimes schools have very little insight when it comes to kids with emotional problems. First instinct is to blame the parents. But CPS knows that is not always the case. This is their full time job...teachers and school staff don't have a background in this type of stuff. And by law, they have to report certain stuff. 90% of the time, it's unfounded, but they have to do it anyway. I wouldn't panic. Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep up with the therapy and doctors. Honestly there's been times when I've thought of calling CPS myself just for the resources, but then I got lucky and the school was able to put us in touch with the right people. I also took my son for a psychiatric evaluation in the ER and got even more resources. Prior to that, the Epilepsy and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis had me a nervous wreck. I can't believe I actually look FORWARD to therapy appointments! LOL
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Jan, I'm sending supportive hugs your way. Although I have not been in your shoes I have been actively part of the CD family for over ten years and it's not unusual to feel vulnerable when CPS shows up at your door. I'm sure that it makes you feel betrayed since you've been carefully stay in touch with the school staff. on the other hand the fact that you have stayed in touch is the very reason you needn't panic. Children are not removed from caring home environments because they health issues that their parents are actively trying to resolve. You are doing everything you can do and have the proof at your fingertips. Try to do something special for yourself as a reward for being an awesome Mom. Hugs DDD
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    When I worked at Head Start, CPS came in every year to give us a speech. It went like this, because we had some kids in REALLY bad shape. "No matter how bad it looks or how mean a parent is to his child, we can ONLY do something if there are bruises all over their body. We can talk to the family, but we can't do anything like removing the kids, even if the house is messy and the kids are being spanked, as long as there are no bruises." The message we got every year is that social services is very limited as to what it can do. If somebody from school calls them (anyone who works at school is a mandated reporter) they can visit the family and offer them help. If the family refuses the help, that's all they can do. The bar is VERY high for removing children. I got the feeling that it was only allowed if there is reason to really believe there is sexual abuse going on or that the child is beaten from head to toe and it shows. I wouldn't worry about CPS removing your child just because he won't go to school. They will probably just offer you help. I personally can't stand CPS and think they are nosy and intrusive, but I wouldn't be afraid of them. By the way, you don't HAVE to let them into the house when they come. I would do it because I wouldn't want to seem oppositional, but you don't have to.
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I completely understand how you feel, but for what you've said, this is not a case where they would take your kids away. You have all of the proof that you have been working with the school, the therapist, and the psychiatrist to try to get your son the help that he needs. This might actually work in your favor. The CPS worker might be able to open up resources that are unavailable to you right now.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I remember the terror of CPS showing up on my doorstep due to idiot teacher. I was able to whip out all the contact numbers, dates of appointments, medications, etc. CPS worker completely reamed out the teacher for wasting their resources. You did great in being so organized and able to give him those numbers.

    One thing that helped me was to have 'emergency homes' lined up for my kids to go to in CPS got nasty. I knew 99% that I would never need it but I felt better knowing I had a plan.
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Just sending hugs. Seems like more hoops for you to jump through, but maybe some of these resources will help you get your difficult child to school. :)
  13. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    (((((HUGS)))))))) Keep doing what you r doing. Cooperate and do your best to not to let sw get to you.