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Substance Abuse
CRAFT Another response to children's addiction
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 696193" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>TL, I do not believe in totally cutting off your loved ones. I think its cruel. I would never leave no communication open. My daughter was not homeless. She had a bad living arrangement, but she was never on the streets so I didnt have to worry about that. So we gave her nothing and she got a job and walked to and from, which was the beginning of her rejoining society. it doesn't always work. We do what we have yo do for them and us. We can detach without abandonment. We can learn not to take what they do personally, which helps us, yet we can still love them.</p><p></p><p>Copa you are in a strange spot snd I think you'd get many opininions to your dilrmma. It's a tough one...smoking pot where it is legal. I would not change my relationship with any or all my kids for smoking pot. To me that falls under none of my business. I don't even need to know if they smoke pot. I dont like it, but Im from a different generation.</p><p></p><p>On the other hand nobody smokes anything in my house. Nobody. But if my kid of your son's age smoked pot outdoors and off my property and did not keep the pot under my roof, I am not sure I'd interfer with the use by drug testing or throwing him out. I'd be more apt to send a kid his age packing for not having a job, unless he truly had a disability where he couldn't keep any job. And at your son's age, half that SS check would be rent money. That would discourage buying pot. Also make him responsible. I'm very big on making them pull their weight.</p><p></p><p>Do you really think that in CA you can stop a man your son's age from quitting pot if he doesnt want to? Apparently pot means more to him than a roof. These are very sad and bad demons you have to wrestle with. Sometimes I think you feel you have more ability to influence your son than you do. </p><p></p><p>My huge problem with pot and grown people is that daily use can stunt motivation. Not all daily pot users don't work, but a lot don't. Is your son going to become work oriented without pot? Has his early drug exposure and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) caused damage to his brain? To me these things all matter. After my own Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), which was fortunately very mild, I was told it may affect me forever. It hasn't, but perhaps your son's injury was very bad and still impacts his functioning. Motorcycle crash? Brick fell onhis head? You dont have to tell us. You were told the prognosis.My bro in law was in a horrific motorcycle accident and ten years later his memory is still bad and he was forced to downscale the type of work he does. And he can't drink hardly any alcohol ir it maket him worse. It bothers him, but some TBIs change your abilities forever and his did. He's lucky to be alive.</p><p></p><p>I think we all have hard jobs. We need to take everything into consideration and decide what to do, what boundaries to set. And we all might do things differently. but with love involved there are no wrong decisions.</p><p></p><p>Your son has tricky challenges. it is probably hard to know what he can and can not do. </p><p></p><p>You have every right to ban pot intoxication from your house. Your house/your castle/your rules. I feel very sad for all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 696193, member: 1550"] TL, I do not believe in totally cutting off your loved ones. I think its cruel. I would never leave no communication open. My daughter was not homeless. She had a bad living arrangement, but she was never on the streets so I didnt have to worry about that. So we gave her nothing and she got a job and walked to and from, which was the beginning of her rejoining society. it doesn't always work. We do what we have yo do for them and us. We can detach without abandonment. We can learn not to take what they do personally, which helps us, yet we can still love them. Copa you are in a strange spot snd I think you'd get many opininions to your dilrmma. It's a tough one...smoking pot where it is legal. I would not change my relationship with any or all my kids for smoking pot. To me that falls under none of my business. I don't even need to know if they smoke pot. I dont like it, but Im from a different generation. On the other hand nobody smokes anything in my house. Nobody. But if my kid of your son's age smoked pot outdoors and off my property and did not keep the pot under my roof, I am not sure I'd interfer with the use by drug testing or throwing him out. I'd be more apt to send a kid his age packing for not having a job, unless he truly had a disability where he couldn't keep any job. And at your son's age, half that SS check would be rent money. That would discourage buying pot. Also make him responsible. I'm very big on making them pull their weight. Do you really think that in CA you can stop a man your son's age from quitting pot if he doesnt want to? Apparently pot means more to him than a roof. These are very sad and bad demons you have to wrestle with. Sometimes I think you feel you have more ability to influence your son than you do. My huge problem with pot and grown people is that daily use can stunt motivation. Not all daily pot users don't work, but a lot don't. Is your son going to become work oriented without pot? Has his early drug exposure and Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) caused damage to his brain? To me these things all matter. After my own Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), which was fortunately very mild, I was told it may affect me forever. It hasn't, but perhaps your son's injury was very bad and still impacts his functioning. Motorcycle crash? Brick fell onhis head? You dont have to tell us. You were told the prognosis.My bro in law was in a horrific motorcycle accident and ten years later his memory is still bad and he was forced to downscale the type of work he does. And he can't drink hardly any alcohol ir it maket him worse. It bothers him, but some TBIs change your abilities forever and his did. He's lucky to be alive. I think we all have hard jobs. We need to take everything into consideration and decide what to do, what boundaries to set. And we all might do things differently. but with love involved there are no wrong decisions. Your son has tricky challenges. it is probably hard to know what he can and can not do. You have every right to ban pot intoxication from your house. Your house/your castle/your rules. I feel very sad for all of you. [/QUOTE]
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