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Creating family rituals......
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 22276" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>Our family rituals have involved mostly just me and the kids for several years. And due to oldest childs panic and youngest childs age and middle childs busy schedule, sometimes they must be -------------flexible. </p><p>Certain holiday things have always happened, from when I was growing up to pre kids to having kids for me. husband can particpate or not. Yes we bake a LOT during holiday, and for any even half special day I make themed cookies. Oh, it's Flag Day? likely I will have made cookies shaped like flags. This happened even when I worked 2 jobs and was in nursing school full time 90 mins away. As babies the kids sat beside me or next to me, and as they grew they could help (or not) </p><p>Tuesday has always been spaghetti for dinner day, ever since I was a teen and there were commercials on TV- "Tues is Prince Spaghetti Day" seemed to me if I had one day a week I did not have to THINK about what tomake for dinner, I would take it. LOL. SO no matter who is home or what is going on, on Tues count on a pot of spaghetti. More recently we also made Fri "fish fry day" The kids used to hate fish, and I do not insist we have it fried, we have it broiled or poached, too, but we are having fish and I did not have fish on Fri as a pattern growing up. </p><p></p><p>I think smaller rituals kinda just happen. Like when I am taking one kid in car to an appointment (hey, until the last 2-3 years, I always had to take ALL kids with EVERYWHERE due to lack of help) we have a few CDs of young childrens songs, and we put that on and sing at the top of our lungs and LOL with each other. I did not exactly think of that as a ritual right away....it was just something I did, and the kids decided it was a ritual. </p><p></p><p>Holidays have lots of rituals, things we just did, and they became expected and normal for us. LOL. My kids no longer even LIKE most of the Easter type candy out there, so I did not buy any of that which we do not like last year. Well..............the kids got pretty mad at me! LOL. They said but MOM! it's our ritual! Nevermind noone would EAT it, we had to have those darned Peeps! </p><p></p><p>Rituals here are something that just happen, develop out of habit. We try things all the time, and if they work, we say hey lets do that again. and again. and then it becomes a ritual. </p><p></p><p>It is now a ritual, if you come tell me you have a headache, stomach ache or if you are crabby, sad, whatever, the first thing I am gonna say (unless you are having an asthma attack, heart attack or bleeding out) is ------------- go take a bath. Nevermind I am a nurse and they did not teach THAT in nursing school- thats what "I" have always done and thats what I always say. My cure for nearly everything is ..go take a bath. Now my kids say the same thing. when we get bad family news there is a fight over the bath, LOL, cuz everyone wants in there to unwind and destress. </p><p></p><p></p><p>It is a family ritual if we will be on road more than an hour, we ARE stopping for "coffee" Yeah, right........not coffee, coffee for me, whatever for everyone else. Seems my limit in car with the kids was approx 1 hour, and eventually it was a habit, and now it is a ritual, and the whole family knows and expects this is what will happen. When we had far less money, what we got to have was lots cheaper, and if a friend was with, we had to explain it was just a cheapie thing-----</p><p>Just like if a docs appointment is more than 3 hours away we are NOT going home, we ARE sleeping over. That began when I was at my sickest, but, see, habit became ritual, and -------even tho this last year Imight be able to do some of those trips in one day- the kids said but MOM! it's our ritual! And so it is. ANd we do usually enjoy the time together without outside interruptions. </p><p></p><p>When we first became estranged from my family (husband has no family) holidays were SO hard, and we could not get into the swing of things. I wanted to carry over my family of origin rituals, but.........it just was not working out quite right. All my life until 2001 we spent every holiday with ALL my sibs and their families at my moms. SO at first we just tried different things, different ways to do things and we kept the things WE liked. Now even tho my kids are older, we still set out cookies and cocoa for santa, and everyone still gets a stocking at christmas. Easter Bunny STILL hides eggs, altho sometimes the kids hide them. LOL. </p><p>On christmas I do not cook. That is our ritual, now./ Why? cuz noone ever was very interested in eating a meal- so for us, it works out kinda nice, NO meal- no fuss and bother- instead we play with moms new toys, cuz yes, it is a ritual I still get toys, cuz I LIKE toys, and me and the kids are very busy playing with toys, crawling around on the floor. Nevermind I am almost 50 and my oldest is 18. We nibble. cheese and crackers, cookies, juice, bagels, maybe mini tacos and spinach dip with vegs, but no formal meal, and paper plates. But for someone else the ritual is the meal, and the meal prep and meal cleanup. </p><p>4th of July is another very special ritual filled time. I LOVE fireworks and parades and will travel up to 2 hours to see them. when I worked, I often rearranged my schedule with coworkers, worked lots of strange days and times (compared to my usual) and often went without sleep just cuz I like parades and fireworks THAT MUCH. now my kids do, too. BUT sometimes it was not so much about the event as it was the time before the event. We would go v ery early and sit on a blanket and be part of the crowd, outside, together. Oh lots of years my oldest was quite the handful, and very difficult, but........I had lots of patience and tricks up my sleeve and accepted that maybe for her it was too much. husband seldom participates in much, pasrtly due to his mental - cognitive stuff and partly due to his physical stufff, but.......I went ahead anyway. </p><p></p><p>Sure there have been LOTS of times when GFGness caused problems-----and lots of times my health or the kids was a problem. I had an electric scooter when I could not walk, and many times the kids had to dress me..........comb my hair, brush my teeth, but we went on. Lots of times Buffy had to have a prn medication........a few times she had to stay home or we had to cancel.......but not that many, more often we modified things. </p><p></p><p>Rituals? we have a special pillowcase and when a kid goes to sleep nite before birthday, I switch their pillowcase over..and hang streamers and balloons thru the house. when I was ill, the kids did it for each other. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> We have this <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> birthday cake that sings and dances. It is beside the cake for every birthday. It is the ugliest silliest darned thing, and last year it kinda got itself lopsided, and it's voice got deranged. BUT the kids said NO you cannot throw it away, so it still sits out on a birthday. DId I mean it to become a ritual? No. It just happened. </p><p></p><p>YIKES I have to get checked out of library, am supposed to be in court in a couple mins, LOL, BYE! Good luck. I bet you will find you already have some rituals in place.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 22276, member: 1697"] Our family rituals have involved mostly just me and the kids for several years. And due to oldest childs panic and youngest childs age and middle childs busy schedule, sometimes they must be -------------flexible. Certain holiday things have always happened, from when I was growing up to pre kids to having kids for me. husband can particpate or not. Yes we bake a LOT during holiday, and for any even half special day I make themed cookies. Oh, it's Flag Day? likely I will have made cookies shaped like flags. This happened even when I worked 2 jobs and was in nursing school full time 90 mins away. As babies the kids sat beside me or next to me, and as they grew they could help (or not) Tuesday has always been spaghetti for dinner day, ever since I was a teen and there were commercials on TV- "Tues is Prince Spaghetti Day" seemed to me if I had one day a week I did not have to THINK about what tomake for dinner, I would take it. LOL. SO no matter who is home or what is going on, on Tues count on a pot of spaghetti. More recently we also made Fri "fish fry day" The kids used to hate fish, and I do not insist we have it fried, we have it broiled or poached, too, but we are having fish and I did not have fish on Fri as a pattern growing up. I think smaller rituals kinda just happen. Like when I am taking one kid in car to an appointment (hey, until the last 2-3 years, I always had to take ALL kids with EVERYWHERE due to lack of help) we have a few CDs of young childrens songs, and we put that on and sing at the top of our lungs and LOL with each other. I did not exactly think of that as a ritual right away....it was just something I did, and the kids decided it was a ritual. Holidays have lots of rituals, things we just did, and they became expected and normal for us. LOL. My kids no longer even LIKE most of the Easter type candy out there, so I did not buy any of that which we do not like last year. Well..............the kids got pretty mad at me! LOL. They said but MOM! it's our ritual! Nevermind noone would EAT it, we had to have those darned Peeps! Rituals here are something that just happen, develop out of habit. We try things all the time, and if they work, we say hey lets do that again. and again. and then it becomes a ritual. It is now a ritual, if you come tell me you have a headache, stomach ache or if you are crabby, sad, whatever, the first thing I am gonna say (unless you are having an asthma attack, heart attack or bleeding out) is ------------- go take a bath. Nevermind I am a nurse and they did not teach THAT in nursing school- thats what "I" have always done and thats what I always say. My cure for nearly everything is ..go take a bath. Now my kids say the same thing. when we get bad family news there is a fight over the bath, LOL, cuz everyone wants in there to unwind and destress. It is a family ritual if we will be on road more than an hour, we ARE stopping for "coffee" Yeah, right........not coffee, coffee for me, whatever for everyone else. Seems my limit in car with the kids was approx 1 hour, and eventually it was a habit, and now it is a ritual, and the whole family knows and expects this is what will happen. When we had far less money, what we got to have was lots cheaper, and if a friend was with, we had to explain it was just a cheapie thing----- Just like if a docs appointment is more than 3 hours away we are NOT going home, we ARE sleeping over. That began when I was at my sickest, but, see, habit became ritual, and -------even tho this last year Imight be able to do some of those trips in one day- the kids said but MOM! it's our ritual! And so it is. ANd we do usually enjoy the time together without outside interruptions. When we first became estranged from my family (husband has no family) holidays were SO hard, and we could not get into the swing of things. I wanted to carry over my family of origin rituals, but.........it just was not working out quite right. All my life until 2001 we spent every holiday with ALL my sibs and their families at my moms. SO at first we just tried different things, different ways to do things and we kept the things WE liked. Now even tho my kids are older, we still set out cookies and cocoa for santa, and everyone still gets a stocking at christmas. Easter Bunny STILL hides eggs, altho sometimes the kids hide them. LOL. On christmas I do not cook. That is our ritual, now./ Why? cuz noone ever was very interested in eating a meal- so for us, it works out kinda nice, NO meal- no fuss and bother- instead we play with moms new toys, cuz yes, it is a ritual I still get toys, cuz I LIKE toys, and me and the kids are very busy playing with toys, crawling around on the floor. Nevermind I am almost 50 and my oldest is 18. We nibble. cheese and crackers, cookies, juice, bagels, maybe mini tacos and spinach dip with vegs, but no formal meal, and paper plates. But for someone else the ritual is the meal, and the meal prep and meal cleanup. 4th of July is another very special ritual filled time. I LOVE fireworks and parades and will travel up to 2 hours to see them. when I worked, I often rearranged my schedule with coworkers, worked lots of strange days and times (compared to my usual) and often went without sleep just cuz I like parades and fireworks THAT MUCH. now my kids do, too. BUT sometimes it was not so much about the event as it was the time before the event. We would go v ery early and sit on a blanket and be part of the crowd, outside, together. Oh lots of years my oldest was quite the handful, and very difficult, but........I had lots of patience and tricks up my sleeve and accepted that maybe for her it was too much. husband seldom participates in much, pasrtly due to his mental - cognitive stuff and partly due to his physical stufff, but.......I went ahead anyway. Sure there have been LOTS of times when GFGness caused problems-----and lots of times my health or the kids was a problem. I had an electric scooter when I could not walk, and many times the kids had to dress me..........comb my hair, brush my teeth, but we went on. Lots of times Buffy had to have a prn medication........a few times she had to stay home or we had to cancel.......but not that many, more often we modified things. Rituals? we have a special pillowcase and when a kid goes to sleep nite before birthday, I switch their pillowcase over..and hang streamers and balloons thru the house. when I was ill, the kids did it for each other. :-) We have this :censored: birthday cake that sings and dances. It is beside the cake for every birthday. It is the ugliest silliest darned thing, and last year it kinda got itself lopsided, and it's voice got deranged. BUT the kids said NO you cannot throw it away, so it still sits out on a birthday. DId I mean it to become a ritual? No. It just happened. YIKES I have to get checked out of library, am supposed to be in court in a couple mins, LOL, BYE! Good luck. I bet you will find you already have some rituals in place. [/QUOTE]
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