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Substance Abuse
Crisis after crisis.
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<blockquote data-quote="Rina" data-source="post: 653190" data-attributes="member: 18848"><p>In son's case, telling him he's adopted was never an issue, since we are not of the same race, so it is obvious. Despite it being so obvious, it always seemed like he didn't want to talk about it. I remember years ago, when we lived at a country that had a large community of people from son's birth country. They had some community event planned, and we asked son if he wanted to go. He said nothing and just shook his head. We asked if he wanted us to find him a tutor, so he could re-learn the language, and he said no. When he started high school, we asked if he wanted to go on a trip back there, but again he said no.... we just assumed he must be one of those adoptees who have accepted the adoptive family as their own and closed the door on their past. We made it clear to him that whether he chose to dig deeper into his past or not, it was fine with us. </p><p></p><p>That's why it's been such a shock, to see this whole issue surface so suddenly... son never <em>acted</em> like it was an issue he was struggling with.</p><p></p><p>SomewhereOutThere - your post brought up a lot for me. I wonder if he remembers, what exactly does he remember.... son didn't live at an orphanage for long, he spent his early years with his birth mother, although I don't know how stable an arrangement that was considering that she worked as a bar girl. He was sad when he came to us. It took him time to adjust. He picked up English very quickly but sometimes chose to pretend he can't understand us. He improved with time, became happier, seemed to be attaching and adjusting... and now this. </p><p></p><p>The therapist we're seeing thinks the same as you guys, that the next placement must be a place that offers adoption-specific help. I hope we'll be able to find someplace that could work.</p><p></p><p>He's still not home. I'm trying not to think about where he might be. I wish I could be like his girlfriend's mother, and just not give a damn, but I am his mother and despite him maybe not wanting to be my son, I do love him and I'm scared for him.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rina, post: 653190, member: 18848"] In son's case, telling him he's adopted was never an issue, since we are not of the same race, so it is obvious. Despite it being so obvious, it always seemed like he didn't want to talk about it. I remember years ago, when we lived at a country that had a large community of people from son's birth country. They had some community event planned, and we asked son if he wanted to go. He said nothing and just shook his head. We asked if he wanted us to find him a tutor, so he could re-learn the language, and he said no. When he started high school, we asked if he wanted to go on a trip back there, but again he said no.... we just assumed he must be one of those adoptees who have accepted the adoptive family as their own and closed the door on their past. We made it clear to him that whether he chose to dig deeper into his past or not, it was fine with us. That's why it's been such a shock, to see this whole issue surface so suddenly... son never [I]acted[/I] like it was an issue he was struggling with. SomewhereOutThere - your post brought up a lot for me. I wonder if he remembers, what exactly does he remember.... son didn't live at an orphanage for long, he spent his early years with his birth mother, although I don't know how stable an arrangement that was considering that she worked as a bar girl. He was sad when he came to us. It took him time to adjust. He picked up English very quickly but sometimes chose to pretend he can't understand us. He improved with time, became happier, seemed to be attaching and adjusting... and now this. The therapist we're seeing thinks the same as you guys, that the next placement must be a place that offers adoption-specific help. I hope we'll be able to find someplace that could work. He's still not home. I'm trying not to think about where he might be. I wish I could be like his girlfriend's mother, and just not give a damn, but I am his mother and despite him maybe not wanting to be my son, I do love him and I'm scared for him. [/QUOTE]
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