I'm trying to think back and pinpoint when I did this. For the most part, although S. and Julie both presented problems at various times, the only child I had to decide to detach from was 36. S. left on his own so there was no decision on my part. Julie I never detached from and she quit before I was convinced it was hopeless. At any rate, her behavior was illegal, but she was never a total jerk to me. If you can remember a certain specific moment and share it, maybe it will jog my memory. I think it could have been when 36's bat crazy ex-wife called me up to yell and swear at me for something trivial and she said 36 had given her permission to do it and he had agreed that he'd given her permission. That was early in their marriage maybe twelve years ago. That hurt so much that I decided I was not going to get overly involved in that family. My son did not care if his wife screamed at me. He didn't care if she withheld their son from all of us. I decided not to let him hurt me anymore. It was very strained between us until he got divorced and by then I knew who he really was and was struggling to stay detached when he went through the custody battle and was so abusive. Gawd, not many people can do the damage he can do with just his mouth. I don't care if nobody else wants to share, but it was a question that I'd thought of for a while so I thought I'd put it out there if anyone is interested in going there. I am in a very reflective state of mind right now, looking over my life, feeling pretty good, but also feeling very analytical. Hard to explain. My kids will soon all be out of the house and I'll have my empty nest for the first time when I am almost 61!