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Curious: Was there one instant that made you detach?
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<blockquote data-quote="amys3yungins" data-source="post: 623163" data-attributes="member: 17137"><p>I have been dealing with my difficult child's terrible mood swings and evasiveness since he was 8 or 9 years old. When he was 15 he started smoking weed and hanging out with kids with no goals but to get high. He drove the car for some kids that vandalized a church. (One of the boys smeared feces on the door of the church.) He did community service, had been on probabtion yada yada yada.... I was just trying to give him some time to grow up. I was also trying to get him to the age of 18 where I was no longer leagally responsible for him. My husband and I tried desperately time and time, chance and chance again to have patience. It was really putting a major strain on our marriage. We fought alot about what to do about him. difficult child got arrested for stealing a 2 dollar christmas tree air freshner from WalMart although he had a 10 dollar bill in his pocket that I had just given him. He did get a job at a fast food restaurant and actually kept it for a couple of years, however he managed to get pulled over and drug paraphenellia ( spelled wrong probably) was found in the car. He ended up on probation again. He went to college and started with 4 classes, dropped 2 but did get good grades in the 2 classes he finished. I started charging him rent. $100 dollars a week. We moved to a new house. Well apparently he failed 4 drug tests with is PO. His probation was extended another year. About 2 weeks later he informed me," I ain't gonna have your little rent money so I might as well just leave now." Well, I did not hesitate! Give me my key I told him and gladly helped him move in with friends. By this time he was 21.In the fall he came to us and said he wanted to go back to school. We paid the tuition and he got a $2700 student loan. Well, he immediately dropped the classes after he got the money and used every bit of the money on drugs and partying. He was addicted to Opana. My son came to our house in October 2013. I allowed him to wash his clothes and fed him dinner. At this time he was homeless because his friends had moved out and he was left with no lights and no water. I told him that he was not coming back to live with me. That day he stole my husband's watch. This watch belonged to my husband's grandfather. I prayed that The Lord would reveal to me if indeed difficult child had taken it. We were pretty sure but did not want to accuse him of stealing it when he was already homeless. Well, the next day after work, I went to the local pawn shop. A young couple walked in ahead of me. The guy took my husband's watch out of his pocket to hand to the guy behind the counter. I had never seen this guy or girl before that moment. I said Hey!! That watch belongs to my husband. ( It was a very distinct looking watch. It was also very retro as they have not been made any more since 1970.) After much discussion the police were called. My son came to the pawn store and I told him that day that he was no longer welcome at my house.I felt like The Lord showed me that day that if he can retrieve a watch he can certainly retrieve my son. I decided with the help of my older sister who had learned detachment that his decisions and consequences were his and needed to be given to him no matter what. I heard a lady say it like this once, "Give them the gift of desperation." I also read the Prodigal Son story in the bible. It states clearly.. WHEN NO MAN WOULD HELP HIM, THEN he came to himself and said, what am I doing here in this pig sty? I decided to give it solely to The Lord and trust him fully. My detatchment was a long slow process. I know that peace that passes understanding because after this incident I was fully able to detatch. I felt peace that I no longer had to help. It was all placed on him totally that day. I am pleased to say that after a long 5 months, my son called to say he was ready for help. It had to be his idea. He has been in a recovery program now for alomost 5 weeks. I go see him on Wednesday nights and attend a AA meeting with him. I will not give him money and he has not asked for it. I told him the day I dropped him off, Your recovery is up to you. You will not live with me again. His choice is to complete this program which is 12 - 18 months long or to be homeless with no job, money, or car. In his process of destruction he sold every single thing he ever had. If anyone is in my area, Raleigh, NC, my difficult child is at THE HEALING PLACE OF WAKE COUNTY. It is an awesome facility that is peer driven recovery. It is free. They are guarenteed a safe place to sleep, and food. It has phases to the program where more privelages are earned as they progress through the program. The last phase before they leave they are required to get a job and turn in a budget. In other words, it doesn't just teach not to use alcohol and drugs but helps to transition back to the community as a contributing citizen. I'm so thankful for this website and the support it gives. This website has gotten me through some dark days in my life. Being a parent of a difficult child is so lonely. Even though you know others are going through similar situations you still feel all alone. I hope and pray he continues to choose to live his life in a wholesome enjoyable way but like I said, that is HIS choice. I choose peace.</p><p> </p><p>amys3yungins.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="amys3yungins, post: 623163, member: 17137"] I have been dealing with my difficult child's terrible mood swings and evasiveness since he was 8 or 9 years old. When he was 15 he started smoking weed and hanging out with kids with no goals but to get high. He drove the car for some kids that vandalized a church. (One of the boys smeared feces on the door of the church.) He did community service, had been on probabtion yada yada yada.... I was just trying to give him some time to grow up. I was also trying to get him to the age of 18 where I was no longer leagally responsible for him. My husband and I tried desperately time and time, chance and chance again to have patience. It was really putting a major strain on our marriage. We fought alot about what to do about him. difficult child got arrested for stealing a 2 dollar christmas tree air freshner from WalMart although he had a 10 dollar bill in his pocket that I had just given him. He did get a job at a fast food restaurant and actually kept it for a couple of years, however he managed to get pulled over and drug paraphenellia ( spelled wrong probably) was found in the car. He ended up on probation again. He went to college and started with 4 classes, dropped 2 but did get good grades in the 2 classes he finished. I started charging him rent. $100 dollars a week. We moved to a new house. Well apparently he failed 4 drug tests with is PO. His probation was extended another year. About 2 weeks later he informed me," I ain't gonna have your little rent money so I might as well just leave now." Well, I did not hesitate! Give me my key I told him and gladly helped him move in with friends. By this time he was 21.In the fall he came to us and said he wanted to go back to school. We paid the tuition and he got a $2700 student loan. Well, he immediately dropped the classes after he got the money and used every bit of the money on drugs and partying. He was addicted to Opana. My son came to our house in October 2013. I allowed him to wash his clothes and fed him dinner. At this time he was homeless because his friends had moved out and he was left with no lights and no water. I told him that he was not coming back to live with me. That day he stole my husband's watch. This watch belonged to my husband's grandfather. I prayed that The Lord would reveal to me if indeed difficult child had taken it. We were pretty sure but did not want to accuse him of stealing it when he was already homeless. Well, the next day after work, I went to the local pawn shop. A young couple walked in ahead of me. The guy took my husband's watch out of his pocket to hand to the guy behind the counter. I had never seen this guy or girl before that moment. I said Hey!! That watch belongs to my husband. ( It was a very distinct looking watch. It was also very retro as they have not been made any more since 1970.) After much discussion the police were called. My son came to the pawn store and I told him that day that he was no longer welcome at my house.I felt like The Lord showed me that day that if he can retrieve a watch he can certainly retrieve my son. I decided with the help of my older sister who had learned detachment that his decisions and consequences were his and needed to be given to him no matter what. I heard a lady say it like this once, "Give them the gift of desperation." I also read the Prodigal Son story in the bible. It states clearly.. WHEN NO MAN WOULD HELP HIM, THEN he came to himself and said, what am I doing here in this pig sty? I decided to give it solely to The Lord and trust him fully. My detatchment was a long slow process. I know that peace that passes understanding because after this incident I was fully able to detatch. I felt peace that I no longer had to help. It was all placed on him totally that day. I am pleased to say that after a long 5 months, my son called to say he was ready for help. It had to be his idea. He has been in a recovery program now for alomost 5 weeks. I go see him on Wednesday nights and attend a AA meeting with him. I will not give him money and he has not asked for it. I told him the day I dropped him off, Your recovery is up to you. You will not live with me again. His choice is to complete this program which is 12 - 18 months long or to be homeless with no job, money, or car. In his process of destruction he sold every single thing he ever had. If anyone is in my area, Raleigh, NC, my difficult child is at THE HEALING PLACE OF WAKE COUNTY. It is an awesome facility that is peer driven recovery. It is free. They are guarenteed a safe place to sleep, and food. It has phases to the program where more privelages are earned as they progress through the program. The last phase before they leave they are required to get a job and turn in a budget. In other words, it doesn't just teach not to use alcohol and drugs but helps to transition back to the community as a contributing citizen. I'm so thankful for this website and the support it gives. This website has gotten me through some dark days in my life. Being a parent of a difficult child is so lonely. Even though you know others are going through similar situations you still feel all alone. I hope and pray he continues to choose to live his life in a wholesome enjoyable way but like I said, that is HIS choice. I choose peace. amys3yungins. [/QUOTE]
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