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Parent Emeritus
Cutting off family & trying to quiet my brain
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 754404" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>JMom, we do what we can live with in the moment. Sometimes we know it is enabling, but we do it anyway. When we are stronger, we can set better boundaries. You helped your brother with the best of intentions because you wanted to help your mom. That's understandable. </p><p></p><p>That being said, I've done similarly, but what I've learned is that my enabling never stopped the dysfunction and heartache, it just delayed it. And, I think, everytime I delayed it, I took the consequences and learning away from my difficult children that they probably needed/earned on their paths. Many times my efforts to protect others or myself through enabling backfired anyway.</p><p></p><p>I still slip, but much less. As much as you love your mother, you cannot protect her from the heartache of her wayward son. Love yourself enough to protect yourself. If you do not want to subject yourself to the pretense of a perfect Christmas, honor yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 754404, member: 19832"] JMom, we do what we can live with in the moment. Sometimes we know it is enabling, but we do it anyway. When we are stronger, we can set better boundaries. You helped your brother with the best of intentions because you wanted to help your mom. That's understandable. That being said, I've done similarly, but what I've learned is that my enabling never stopped the dysfunction and heartache, it just delayed it. And, I think, everytime I delayed it, I took the consequences and learning away from my difficult children that they probably needed/earned on their paths. Many times my efforts to protect others or myself through enabling backfired anyway. I still slip, but much less. As much as you love your mother, you cannot protect her from the heartache of her wayward son. Love yourself enough to protect yourself. If you do not want to subject yourself to the pretense of a perfect Christmas, honor yourself. [/QUOTE]
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Cutting off family & trying to quiet my brain
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