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Cutting off family & trying to quiet my brain
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 754424" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Yes, it is the egoic mind that wants to run the show. It is steeped in self pity, self delusion, self centeredness, and fear (AA Big Book). My ego competes with God. It thinks I am God (Al-anons will recognize this as always thinking we know what is best for everyone else) . When my ego is overgrown, I am crowding God out. (EGO = easing God out) (AA).</p><p></p><p>In Step 3 in any 12 step program, we turn our will and our life over to the care (the love and concern) of God (you cancan c it love). So I get out of the way and I "let go and let God" (Al-Anon). And by doing that, I can align with love and receive a happiness past anything I have been able to create for myself. </p><p></p><p>My ego has become overgrown because of past trauma (childhood mostly) and I developed coping mechanisms (character defects) in order to survive. This has not served me but they were the only tools accessible to me. In Al-Anon, I learn better tools. </p><p></p><p>Copa, you make an excellent point about being in the present moment. God is not in the past, not in the future, but only in the now. So when my mind dwells on the past or the future, I am in regret or anxiety, and not with God. As the spiritual awakening that comes as a result from working the 12 steps takes hold, I can train myself to stay in step 3 and step 11 and maintain conscious contact with my Higher Power.</p><p></p><p>The more I do this, the more I let go of the mean voice inside of my head. When I realize that I am a child of God, that I am loved beyond measure, that I am the light of the world (a course in miracles), and that my purpose on Earth is forgiveness, that anything I have done is just a mistake to God, I can let go of fear and attacks on myself which are all egoic mind patterns. </p><p></p><p>And when I can align with love most of the time , I am in the Self that is God flowing through me, and I can begin to trust my thoughts better. I can have the God think in my mind. I always know because God thoughts are based in love, and ego thoughts are based in fear. </p><p></p><p>I cannot hold fear and love at the same time. It's like walking into a dark room and turning on the light. The darkness is gone. It cannot coexist with the darkness. </p><p></p><p>I find that I hardly ever attack myself anymore . How I treat myself is a reflection of how I treat other people and vice versa. When I go there, it is a sign that I need to draw closer to my Higher Power. The wound is where the light enters (Rumi). </p><p></p><p>I need to be aware of my past patterns , my triggers. I need to create a pause for myself to maintain connection with myself and my higher power. Then, situations that used to baffle me will be easy to handle (AA's promises). </p><p></p><p>My character defects are not where I am bad , but where I have been wounded .People in my life deserve to not be hurt by me in the way I was hurt which is why I need to be diligent about my past pain and the coping mechanisms I still sometimes want to employ in order to make me feel ok. This is the spot check 10th step inventory that Al-Anon and AA talk about. </p><p></p><p>I also deserve not to hurt myself when I experience pain. So I have to go to my Higher Power for healing. </p><p></p><p>Once I fully grasped that we all have a chip of divinity inside of us whether we know it or not, it became easier to connect to that in meditation . I see the huge beam of golden light that is my Higher Power's power flow into me through my crown chakra as I inhale and I take in the love and power and rejuvenate me . It is my job to reflect that love and that forgiveness back to other people seeing their innocence rather than their (or my own) guilt. </p><p></p><p>I can then meet others from a place of acceptance .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 754424, member: 24254"] Yes, it is the egoic mind that wants to run the show. It is steeped in self pity, self delusion, self centeredness, and fear (AA Big Book). My ego competes with God. It thinks I am God (Al-anons will recognize this as always thinking we know what is best for everyone else) . When my ego is overgrown, I am crowding God out. (EGO = easing God out) (AA). In Step 3 in any 12 step program, we turn our will and our life over to the care (the love and concern) of God (you cancan c it love). So I get out of the way and I "let go and let God" (Al-Anon). And by doing that, I can align with love and receive a happiness past anything I have been able to create for myself. My ego has become overgrown because of past trauma (childhood mostly) and I developed coping mechanisms (character defects) in order to survive. This has not served me but they were the only tools accessible to me. In Al-Anon, I learn better tools. Copa, you make an excellent point about being in the present moment. God is not in the past, not in the future, but only in the now. So when my mind dwells on the past or the future, I am in regret or anxiety, and not with God. As the spiritual awakening that comes as a result from working the 12 steps takes hold, I can train myself to stay in step 3 and step 11 and maintain conscious contact with my Higher Power. The more I do this, the more I let go of the mean voice inside of my head. When I realize that I am a child of God, that I am loved beyond measure, that I am the light of the world (a course in miracles), and that my purpose on Earth is forgiveness, that anything I have done is just a mistake to God, I can let go of fear and attacks on myself which are all egoic mind patterns. And when I can align with love most of the time , I am in the Self that is God flowing through me, and I can begin to trust my thoughts better. I can have the God think in my mind. I always know because God thoughts are based in love, and ego thoughts are based in fear. I cannot hold fear and love at the same time. It's like walking into a dark room and turning on the light. The darkness is gone. It cannot coexist with the darkness. I find that I hardly ever attack myself anymore . How I treat myself is a reflection of how I treat other people and vice versa. When I go there, it is a sign that I need to draw closer to my Higher Power. The wound is where the light enters (Rumi). I need to be aware of my past patterns , my triggers. I need to create a pause for myself to maintain connection with myself and my higher power. Then, situations that used to baffle me will be easy to handle (AA's promises). My character defects are not where I am bad , but where I have been wounded .People in my life deserve to not be hurt by me in the way I was hurt which is why I need to be diligent about my past pain and the coping mechanisms I still sometimes want to employ in order to make me feel ok. This is the spot check 10th step inventory that Al-Anon and AA talk about. I also deserve not to hurt myself when I experience pain. So I have to go to my Higher Power for healing. Once I fully grasped that we all have a chip of divinity inside of us whether we know it or not, it became easier to connect to that in meditation . I see the huge beam of golden light that is my Higher Power's power flow into me through my crown chakra as I inhale and I take in the love and power and rejuvenate me . It is my job to reflect that love and that forgiveness back to other people seeing their innocence rather than their (or my own) guilt. I can then meet others from a place of acceptance . [/QUOTE]
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