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Cutting off family & trying to quiet my brain
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 754507" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>I am so sorry for what you are dealing with Jmom.</p><p></p><p>I am estranged from my sister - long story. She is 73 and the oldest (half sister by another father) and I am the youngest at 58. She is a good person but damaged from a bad childhood - our mother was an alcoholic and my sister was raised in foster homes and had a lot of bad things happen, never got counseling etc. We had a falling out about 4 years ago due to my son's addiction and an event where my husband got angry with her and it just blew up and never got fixed and I didn't have the strength to try to fix it since I had my hands full dealing with our son. She was being a narcissist to the nth degree.</p><p></p><p>I spoke to a therapist about my relationship with her when I was seeing her for my relationship with our son. </p><p></p><p>Basically I just wanted to add here what gave ME comfort is realizing that I do LOVE my sister. I always have and I always will. However I don't know if I will ever see her again because now I live thousands of miles away from her and I just can't mentally go back to the event that brought us to this point. It's too painful and I want to live in peace with OUR family (my husband and former Difficult Child here and our two boys in Chicago). She wants an apology from my husband but he felt she was at fault (left pain pills out and my son got them yet she doesn't feel she is responsible in any way). What my husband said to her wasn't even very bad! I can't fix it. We can't fix everything. But we can kill ourselves trying.</p><p></p><p>I lost my mother at 15 and if she were still here I'd have a relationship with her no matter what but it would be on MY terms. I would go to therapy to find a way to do this that didn't hurt me though. I don't know how I'd do it without someone guiding me on how to love her with boundaries. I agree with the others that you won't be able to change how she is with your brother. That won't change I believe.</p><p></p><p>Cyber Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 754507, member: 15032"] I am so sorry for what you are dealing with Jmom. I am estranged from my sister - long story. She is 73 and the oldest (half sister by another father) and I am the youngest at 58. She is a good person but damaged from a bad childhood - our mother was an alcoholic and my sister was raised in foster homes and had a lot of bad things happen, never got counseling etc. We had a falling out about 4 years ago due to my son's addiction and an event where my husband got angry with her and it just blew up and never got fixed and I didn't have the strength to try to fix it since I had my hands full dealing with our son. She was being a narcissist to the nth degree. I spoke to a therapist about my relationship with her when I was seeing her for my relationship with our son. Basically I just wanted to add here what gave ME comfort is realizing that I do LOVE my sister. I always have and I always will. However I don't know if I will ever see her again because now I live thousands of miles away from her and I just can't mentally go back to the event that brought us to this point. It's too painful and I want to live in peace with OUR family (my husband and former Difficult Child here and our two boys in Chicago). She wants an apology from my husband but he felt she was at fault (left pain pills out and my son got them yet she doesn't feel she is responsible in any way). What my husband said to her wasn't even very bad! I can't fix it. We can't fix everything. But we can kill ourselves trying. I lost my mother at 15 and if she were still here I'd have a relationship with her no matter what but it would be on MY terms. I would go to therapy to find a way to do this that didn't hurt me though. I don't know how I'd do it without someone guiding me on how to love her with boundaries. I agree with the others that you won't be able to change how she is with your brother. That won't change I believe. Cyber Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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