cyber bullying update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by lmf64, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    I posted last night in the watercooler about some trouble we were having with some kids posting videos of my son on youtube. I was so angry they are lucky none of them tried to pull anything last night or I would be sitting in jail now I'm sure.
    So, this morning I went to the high school and had a conversation with the principal. He couldn't do much since nothing actually happened at the school, but he is now on notice that I will not tolerate my son being bullied in any form.
    I had a conversation with the school police liason officer. He also couldn't do much, but did help. He helped me to put full names to two of the kids. He also called the parents of one of the two. He couldn't call the parents of the other, since he is 18 and legally responsible for his own actions. But he could, and did, have a conversation with the boy between classes and a conversation with the basketball coach for whom the boy plays as a star athlete. I don't know which of the conversations had more effect (I know the coach called the kid to his office after talking to the officer, please don't ask me how I know) but whichever it was (or the combo of the two) worked.
    The high school students are out of school at 3:10 and at 3:25 I had four of the six kids involved at my door, offering sincere (in my opinion) apologies. Both difficult child and I told them we accepted their apologies and I told the kids I was very disappointed in them and that I would only allow difficult child to associated with any of them in groups of no more than 2 while they were directly supervised by either myself or PCA. They are not to come to our property if they do not see either my or PCA car. I also told difficult child that he is not allowed to go to their house (yes 4/6 identified are from one house) unless I am home and then only to do something in the backyard since I can see their backyard directly from my house.
    The fifth student, the other one I could put a name to, is from the middle school. His parents were called by the officer, (but this is also the same kid who a couple weeks ago was shining a laser light in our windows and caught by an officer who spoke to the parents at that time and the next day he was out unsupervised again) came over about 20 minutes later with a half hearted apology. He said I'm sorry I posted the videos without your permission difficult child, to which I said you don't think you have something else to apologize for? He finally said 'and teasing you' under his breath practically. I told him that he is not welcome at our house at any time until further notice.
    I haven't heard from the sixth student yet and probably won't, but if I do he will be told the same thing as the fifth.
    My son wanted me to sit with him at bedtime last night. Today he was very confident at school. His teacher called me late this afternoon to talk. She said she could tell that he was relieved to have me take care of the situation before it got any bigger and that they are going to do a class on what to do if you are bullied and what bullying (cyber and real life) is so he can help his peers to know that they don't have to just take it.
    I am wrung out. I was so angry for so long that now that I'm not I have a headache to end all headaches, but like I always say ya do what ya gotta do.
    Edited to add: the videos were removed before the first group came to the house and I will check often to make sure there are no more posted and the mother of the group wrote me an apology note with her phone number and assured me that the cell phones/cameras/internet would be taken away from her kids. I hope the kids can prove themselves to be the good kids I thought they were and earn their priveleges back.
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2009
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It sounds like a pretty good resolution. I am so glad your difficult child did the right thing and told you. Often they try to handle it themselves and everything gets worse.

    Your difficult child deserves a BIG reward cause this is one of the hardest things to learn to handle.

    The four kids sound like they had a lapse in judgement. It happens, esp if there is a charismatic person (even a younger one) who eggs them into this type of behavior.

    That fifth boy sure sounds like a difficult child. His parents are probably either indifferent or at their wits' end.

    Either way, I am glad it is resolved. Now go get some rest and medications for that headache!
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    I'm glad to hear this was resolved. This kind of thing is so upsetting. I hope all the kids learned something and that they prove sincere with their apologies.
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    That is so much better than what we went through. It's really good for difficult child to take action (tell someone) and get a positive result (bullying ends, bullies apologise) even in part.

    In difficult child 3's case, we called the police when it got to the blood stage. The photos really are spectacular. And although I know just about all the parents, only one of them apologised on behalf of her son, and even that was because I had to deal with her the next day (she was the local doctor's receptionist). I hadn't even known that it was her son that was involved. But none of the kids apologised, plus difficult child 3 was too scared to leave the house for weeks. Ironically, it was the same weeks where these other kids were grounded, difficult child 3 could have gone out in safety.

    I wanted to set up a mediation session, to somehow explain to these kids that beating up on difficult child 3 was no glory, because he was no threat and not really capable of fending for himself. I thought communication and information would have been the better way to go, but the police felt it was an isolated incident and so not worth fussing. Trouble is, it had been happening for ages and was NOT an isolated incident. These kids get older and become bigger problems if there is no earlier intervention.

    The same kids in our village have also been attacking a couple of older men in the community. One bloke is disabled physically and mentally, although totally harmless. The kids were taunting him and hassling him, luckily a neighbour saw it and not only stopped them but she spoke to the kids and made it clear - the man is NOT to be a target because he simply can't handle it, it's not fair. But the kids can look out for him and help keep him safe. Since then, the man hasn't been hassled by these kids.

    Such a shame when this sort of stuff happens, because this disabled man is the son of a man who did a lot of good for people in the community. His son would go around with him when he was helping other people, visiting people in hospital or any other activity. When the father died we all pulled together to keep an eye on the son who now has to live alone (and barely copes). The town owes a debt of gratitude to that family, and for the man to be attacked is such a sad incidtment on society in general.

    It's cowardice, really. As is cyberbullying. It follows you home to where you live, you can't get away from it. Really nasty stuff.

    The school claims they can't do anything about it - that depends on when the video was shot. If it was shot on school premises or during school hours, or even if the video was filmed while the kids are on the way home from school, then it is the school's problem also.

  5. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    None of it was shot at school, or even on the way home. It was all shot at home. Most of it was shot this summer. I think they took it to this level (the videos were both posted within the last week) because I took their target away when I told them that if they continued the harassment I would be calling the police as he was a vulnerable person due to his disorders. They were like little kids who lost their ball and were throwing tantrums for the attention. and yes I do think the kids (siblings) are good kids who went a bit astray and will get back on the straight and narrow since their parents will be paying attention to what they do more, as will the basketball coach. I was asked to call the coach if there is any further trouble (he called tonight)
  6. lmf64

    lmf64 New Member

    His parents are indifferent, don't believe their angel can do wrong (mom) and dad has told his son and another child I know to disrespect school crossing guards by telling them specifically what to do and to wait until they were off school grounds before doing it so they wouldn't be able to get in trouble at school for it.
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Charming. It's no wonder the kid's a behaviour problem. I agree with you - cut all contact with such a kid, rather than allow any contact to continue.

    Good for you for standing up to the bullies.