cyber strength for matt

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Steely, Nov 2, 2009.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am heartsick over Matt right now - and I hope you will send him cyber strength.

    He is all alone on a stabilization unit in his Residential Treatment Center (RTC), and he is sick with the flu. He cannot call me, and he has regressed to his mental state of a year ago.

    When I cannot call him, or write him letters, I feel as if he has died, and I go into a panic. I am trying to keep that at bay.

    I want the best for him.
    He needs an epiphany, a resurrection of his soul, a destiny, a purpose.
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    He is alive and being taken care of. Cyber strength to you and Matt both.

    Just keep repeating, he is alive and being taken care of.
  3. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I know you ache for Matt, I really do. Of course I will pray for him. He is a lost soul and needs to find lightness in being.

    I can't help but wonder if these feelings that you have are about you. You also need a resurrection, an epiphany, a purpose, that is for you. I feel as though you are torturing yourself, and I want you to feel good about yourself and your life, too. You can't live every moment in his head.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Hugs, prayers, and strength going out to both you and Matt.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Prayers going of for Matt.

    Even though you cant write to Matt right now, you can still write to him. Everyday do a daily letter to him on the computer. Make it all about home and how you are doing, insert a funny picture of something around the house, the dogs, something you see in the community. Find some funny cartoons online that will make him laugh. Insert a few short ones of those. Keep these upbeat letters.

    Almost make it a story to Matt.

    When you are allowed to send him letters again you can send him this great big giant letter and tell him you hadnt forgotten him while he was spending his time doing his thing but you kept talking to him through these letters.

    Oh...another idea...on the bottom of the letters...or on a separate piece of paper attached to each letter you could ask him questions about each letter. Such as if you were talking about the dogs and they did something funny...You could ask him...Hey Matt, do you remember when Max jumped over onto the couch and fell off it backwards? Wasnt that just the funniest thing? You know...involve him in the dialogue so he hast to answer you on the questions.

    Make some questions up to go along with your body of the letter and send him envelopes to send them back. That would be good.
  6. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Tons of cyber strength for Matt and for you...
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Janet, that is a very good idea. Thank you. I like that.

    Witz, yes, I am probably talking about both of us. More about Matt though. If he doesn't have an epiphany about how to work the program and get out, he will be there until he does. He needs an awakening of his soul/mind/spirit - and the desire to live life.
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely, I realize that Jamie being in boot camp is in no way the same thing as Matt being where he is but we also couldnt go get him or go see him or call him for the entire time he was there. The only contact we had was the letters we sent him and the very short, sporadic letters he sent home. He had very little time to write us.

    We sent letters almost every day to keep his spirits up because the drill instructors were doing their level best to break him. That was their job. They wanted to drive the weak guys out and keep those who would be strong enough in mind and body. Our job as parents and loved ones was to write and keep our son strong. Remind him constantly that we had faith in him.

    My letters always told him chatty stories of home. I cut and pasted pictures of family and friends. I cut and pasted funny cartoons in them. I always ended my letters with a short paragraph stating that we knew how strong he was, that we knew he was going to make it, there were X number of days/weeks to go until graduation. Stating how much we all loved him and how proud we all were of him.

    You could adapt these types of letters for Matt. Cheer him on with chatty type letters. Tell him you know he can do it. You know by now what it takes to get to each step. Tell him. Tell him you know he can make it and how it will be X number of days/weeks until he is at X stage. Then another X stage...etc. Build him up.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Lots of wise words spoken for you here alreadsy... just sending hugs and support for you both.
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I watched the man on television Sunday morning. I know, I know - I'm not prone to watching televangelists either, but it was interesting for a change. He was talking about anger and depression. So it peeked my interest. I took notes (no really I did). ;) Actually I left them out on the table for a sleeping Dude and his BFF - who also has anger issues. They both (to my surprise read what I had written - but had not "meant ;)" for them to see) - I know I felt so clever. :tongue:

    Anyway ONE of the things this man talked about was when we can't talk to the person that we need to talk to we should go get a chair and sit across from that empty chair and talk as if that person were sitting right there. I kinda chuckled because I have done this for years and years....and years. I learned this from the very first counselor I ever saw when I was around 12 or so for anger issues. I have conversations with loads of people I can't physically talk to for whatever reason - and a lot of times it's almost more helpful than if they were there. Can't explain the WHY behind it - but all I can tell you is that before you allow yourself the depression and the sadness and the moodiness that not speaking to Matthew brings you - Pull up a chair and have a conversation with his "essence" - sounds....nuts...but what have you got to loose? IT would work with H too. Probably even better - because you need to tell her you forgive her and let that part of your sadness go. You need to ask her to forgive you for being angry with her too. Same with Matthew. Ask him to forgive you for being so angry with him when you can talk to him....and let it go at that. When you are able.

    I think about a lot of the people that I've been so angry at for so long in my life and when I sat and talked to them? It really helped. They didn't really need to be face to face with me....I just needed to get my words out and have my ears hear it. It's not as nuts as you think it sounds....and yeah - you can laugh at first.....(the lady with the sexy jeep in her condo talking to the empty chair has the cheese completely slid off her cracker?) YOU bet....but....tomorrow? She'll have purged a lot of garbage in her mind. AND feel better. (about a pound lighter in cheese too) :tongue:

    Anyway - maybe what I saw wasn't necessarily for me....maybe it was for me to see and remind me to tell you that it's worth a shot. ANYTHING has to be better than sitting in your house worrying about impending doom and sadness. I hope it helps.

    (oh and word to the wise? If that chair talks back? GET out of that house and MOVE) like the wind.
  11. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Star, what a fabulous suggestion. I used to scoff at "visualizing" until I tried it and found that it worked. This is along those same lines. I can totally see how this would be helpful and healing.

    Great suggestion.

  12. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    And here I thought I was always "talking to myself"! I knew I was working things through in my head, and it always makes me feel better. Do try it, it can work wonders.
  13. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Thanks Suz...

    I know this sounds kinda bizarre but in our home since I've been divorced we have always left an empty chair. Mostly it's to invite the Almighty to come and sit any time...or anyone else that we'd like to converse with. ;) Everyone likes the empty chair.
  14. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    The empty chair always sits patiently and listens to every word I have to say. It always knows I am telling the truth.
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Thank you. I have MANY empty chairs, and yet I had no idea what they were waiting for. Tonight they are going to get an earful.
    Thanks my friends.
  16. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Don't forget to have a word with your mom and dad chairs.
  17. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Sending YOU gentle hugs and mucho strength, for I think you need these more right now. Prayers for Matt as well.