I share your pain for your child. Not quite the same situation, but close enough. DEX is in jail, and Tink is in PIECES. She misses him so much. And there is nothing I can do but hold her and let her cry.
I realize this will not help with the father, but have any of you looked into Big Brothers? Or reaching out to a local assisted living facility to find a volunteer to spend time with your child? Sometimes a surrogate can help.
ps, when it comes to dealing with the hard stuff my husband is a bit of a weenie too. But he did go visit when difficult child was in hospital, and he does spend some time with difficult child now that difficult child is living away from us.
If your son has a caseworker there are plenty of people they can hook a kid up with. They actually get paid to spend time with your kid. If you don't have a caseworker then look up things like a shadow (with your school) or a BI (behavior interventionist) with a local foster kids office. There are people who can be paid through Medicaid.
Here the Big Brothers/Big Sisters list is sometimes long. So many kids needing a parent or a buddy. If you aren't sure what you're looking for PM me your town and the nearest big city and I'll do some research for you, BUT I would start with resources like: The school counselor, the United Way, Catholic Charitys, Lutheran Family Services, and belive it or not some towns have policemen that actually take kids a couple times a week and train them to be Jr. police. Yes.....even difficult child's with ODD.
As far as his father not "wanting" him. been there done that. So you have your son in counseling right for his self esteem, so he KNOWS and figures out on his OWN that he is more worthy than to worry about why his dad isn't there for him?? That's usually free through your local Mental health - which is another resource for a big brother.
Check also your local WHAT"S happening and get difficult child involved and keep him busy as you can with local art groups, or whatever is available in your neck of the woods. We're here to help if we can.
Oh boy..........been there done that.........for 16 years! It is horrible, beyond gut wrenching, to just watch them cry their eyes out for their own parent. I have no words of wisdom, but I just wanted you to know that I have been through this. Please know, and let your son know, that he is not alone.
I am so sorry he is such a weenie. But be careful if he sends difficult child anything by mail. I have a cousin who was 8 when his dad sent his school picture back. Torn into little pieces!! IT was the last piece of mail he opened from his dad until he was 16. My aunt opened them all while he was out.
Hopefully this weenie-itis is just a passing virus and he will step up and be a dad.