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"Dad, don't tell them anything about me anymore, even if I'm dying"
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 676749" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Cedar...I have a very strong moral code, maybe too rigid. You don't murder. You don't steal. You don't do this, you don't do that. I can't see how it is morally wrong to feel apathy toward somebody who obviously dislikes you and wishes you hurt. And does hurt. I just do not believe because somebody gave birth to you or was in the same womb, that makes it mandatory to love them. To me, and I'm way too logical, that doesn't make any sense. It is more an emotional reaction, perhaps because it is slammed at us through our family members who do us wrong (and expect us to still love them) and big time in the media...we see it all the time. What do they have to do to us for us to feel okay feeling apathy? Try to kill us? Kill somebody we love? Steal from us? And then do we still have to love them anyway because they are "our blood?" I don't even know what "our blood" really means. We have our own blood. Nobody shares it.if we need a blood transfusion a ny stranger with a compatible blood type can save our lives. We do not have the same blood.</p><p></p><p>This myth of "you have to love your DNA regardless of anything" kept me stuck and going back for too long. If not for that, I would have been long gone since my mother started up with the $5000 nonsense and how I should only give it to one of my children because my dead grandmother decided to be mean and do it. According to my siblings, Mother was so enraged that I would not give only Bart the $5000, instead of splitting it three ways, that she was on THEM about it, BASHING me nonstop...too bad they listened to her. I didn't let her talk to me about it. My mind was made up and, yes, I told Bart about it and he was good with my decision and still is. I love Bart. We are as close now as we were before the custody battle started. He "gets" it. He knows what FOO is. They are HIS FOO too and he wants nothing to do with any of them.</p><p></p><p>None of my adult children would allow my FOO near me during a tragedy. I love them all so much. Of course...we protect one another. All of us. We are close.</p><p></p><p>I don't know about anyone else here. I have been emotionally detaching since age 40 and moreso since Mother died and left me nothing, which proved she did not care for me. I did still engage with sister, and I still loved her, in spite of all the times s he called the police on me to shut me up (I got no arrests, of course, but my little kids were terrified) and with all her mean shuns. I always took her back, but always, always with the reminder in back of my mind that she was not a stable companion who would stick around thick or thin...it never surprised me when she kept going and then coming back.</p><p></p><p>My mistake was allowing it. I can not see how it is morally wrong to now decide she is not acting like she loves me...why should I waste time loving her? And I don't. I honestly don't. The love died, Cedar, Copa, anyone reading this.</p><p></p><p>"Gone With the Wind" is my all time favorite movie. At the end of t he movie, when Rhett is leaving, Scarlett says to Rhett something like, "Love can't die in a moment."</p><p></p><p>Rhett says, "Yours for Ashley did."</p><p></p><p>Scarlet says, "But I never really LOVED Ashley."</p><p></p><p>Rhett says. "You sure put on a good act...until now."</p><p></p><p>I relate to this part of that conversation. Yes, love can die in an instant with some of us. Mine for my sister did. I can't say I never loved her, but I was onto her ways long ago and finally decided I deserve a very happy and peaceful golden years only allowing those who are kind, and who will let me love them back, past my gate. If you can point out how this is immoral, I am all ears.</p><p></p><p>I have detached from brother a long time as he lived so far away and when she hoovered him into her web, well, we weren't close anymore anyway. I still love the child, my brother, who was my best friend and in my 20's when we used to go out to eat and stay out half the night talking. Beyond that, he is somebody I honestly don't know. I don't understand how his mind works and spend little time thinking about it. I just consider him a victim of sister. He does not know how awful and how cruel her barbs were against him nor does he know how long she talked about him that way. They need each other. My brother, in particular, has nobody else. Maybe they will one day live together, like Karen and Richard Carpenter did (shrug). None of my concern.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, until we can morally justify our choices, we can't make them. I am serene with my decision to never ever see these people again nor claim t hem as family. And, no, I don't think it is immoral. I love with all my heart and I have the right to protect that heart.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, I tried as hard as I could with my mother, my sister and even attempted contact with brother. But as the family scapegoat, it didn't work. So why, at 62, should I feel bad about eliminating the toxins from my life? Why should anyone?</p><p></p><p>Cedar, we are not young. We deserve great golden years. They should be golden.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, my accident was message to me from my Higher Power that I survived for a reason. Cedar, the truck, especially on t he passenger side, was crumbled like a paper bag as was the roof. I look at the picture and don't know how I made it at all, let alone how I healed in four months. I was told it would probably take a year.I take this to mean my higher power loves me and thinks there is more I can do in this world and I don't believe He/She thinks it is to remain bitter or try to make amends with those who won't. It is bigger than that to me. I trust my Higher Power over Sis and Bro's petty family beefs.</p><p></p><p>If you have a God, trust Him...or Her. In my case, there is really no gender, but I have always believed there is a Higher Power in all of us and wanting us to learn that love is t he answer to all. I don't know how I will fare in this. I did love everyone in my family, but honestly don't anymore. I suppose I will come back to live more lives as I have a lot yet to learn.</p><p></p><p>My God knows how hard I tried. He understands the challenges I was born with, even if my FOO does not.</p><p></p><p>Cedar, you have to do what is best for YOU regarding your FOO. You are such a good person. I can't understand how your sister doesn't love you to death. Copa, this applies to you too. New Leaf, ditto. IC, you seem to have had a family a bit like mine and I don't get it. You are so kind a nd smart and wise.</p><p></p><p>We need, in my opinion, to take care of ourselves so we can live good lives and have enough love to spread to those who want it. Giving love to those who don't want it, in my opinion, is a waste of love.</p><p></p><p>This is where I come from today. They want nothing to do with me right now? Well, they got it and will never be let in again to hurt me. Ever. Ever. Ever. I am content with the love I already have and am eager and ready to accept more love as the grands keep coming and the friends keep coming. I had that love for Sis and Bro and I made some mistakes, many due to my neurological sensitivities which caused me to act differently, but the people who love me do not try to bait me and they care and accept.</p><p></p><p>Cedar and Copa etc. (everyone here), make good decisions for your heart. And ask yourself...how is it moral to disconnect from those who hurt us so much?</p><p></p><p>I'm open to hearing your thoughts. All thoughts are valid.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 676749, member: 1550"] Cedar...I have a very strong moral code, maybe too rigid. You don't murder. You don't steal. You don't do this, you don't do that. I can't see how it is morally wrong to feel apathy toward somebody who obviously dislikes you and wishes you hurt. And does hurt. I just do not believe because somebody gave birth to you or was in the same womb, that makes it mandatory to love them. To me, and I'm way too logical, that doesn't make any sense. It is more an emotional reaction, perhaps because it is slammed at us through our family members who do us wrong (and expect us to still love them) and big time in the media...we see it all the time. What do they have to do to us for us to feel okay feeling apathy? Try to kill us? Kill somebody we love? Steal from us? And then do we still have to love them anyway because they are "our blood?" I don't even know what "our blood" really means. We have our own blood. Nobody shares it.if we need a blood transfusion a ny stranger with a compatible blood type can save our lives. We do not have the same blood. This myth of "you have to love your DNA regardless of anything" kept me stuck and going back for too long. If not for that, I would have been long gone since my mother started up with the $5000 nonsense and how I should only give it to one of my children because my dead grandmother decided to be mean and do it. According to my siblings, Mother was so enraged that I would not give only Bart the $5000, instead of splitting it three ways, that she was on THEM about it, BASHING me nonstop...too bad they listened to her. I didn't let her talk to me about it. My mind was made up and, yes, I told Bart about it and he was good with my decision and still is. I love Bart. We are as close now as we were before the custody battle started. He "gets" it. He knows what FOO is. They are HIS FOO too and he wants nothing to do with any of them. None of my adult children would allow my FOO near me during a tragedy. I love them all so much. Of course...we protect one another. All of us. We are close. I don't know about anyone else here. I have been emotionally detaching since age 40 and moreso since Mother died and left me nothing, which proved she did not care for me. I did still engage with sister, and I still loved her, in spite of all the times s he called the police on me to shut me up (I got no arrests, of course, but my little kids were terrified) and with all her mean shuns. I always took her back, but always, always with the reminder in back of my mind that she was not a stable companion who would stick around thick or thin...it never surprised me when she kept going and then coming back. My mistake was allowing it. I can not see how it is morally wrong to now decide she is not acting like she loves me...why should I waste time loving her? And I don't. I honestly don't. The love died, Cedar, Copa, anyone reading this. "Gone With the Wind" is my all time favorite movie. At the end of t he movie, when Rhett is leaving, Scarlett says to Rhett something like, "Love can't die in a moment." Rhett says, "Yours for Ashley did." Scarlet says, "But I never really LOVED Ashley." Rhett says. "You sure put on a good act...until now." I relate to this part of that conversation. Yes, love can die in an instant with some of us. Mine for my sister did. I can't say I never loved her, but I was onto her ways long ago and finally decided I deserve a very happy and peaceful golden years only allowing those who are kind, and who will let me love them back, past my gate. If you can point out how this is immoral, I am all ears. I have detached from brother a long time as he lived so far away and when she hoovered him into her web, well, we weren't close anymore anyway. I still love the child, my brother, who was my best friend and in my 20's when we used to go out to eat and stay out half the night talking. Beyond that, he is somebody I honestly don't know. I don't understand how his mind works and spend little time thinking about it. I just consider him a victim of sister. He does not know how awful and how cruel her barbs were against him nor does he know how long she talked about him that way. They need each other. My brother, in particular, has nobody else. Maybe they will one day live together, like Karen and Richard Carpenter did (shrug). None of my concern. Cedar, until we can morally justify our choices, we can't make them. I am serene with my decision to never ever see these people again nor claim t hem as family. And, no, I don't think it is immoral. I love with all my heart and I have the right to protect that heart. Cedar, I tried as hard as I could with my mother, my sister and even attempted contact with brother. But as the family scapegoat, it didn't work. So why, at 62, should I feel bad about eliminating the toxins from my life? Why should anyone? Cedar, we are not young. We deserve great golden years. They should be golden. Cedar, my accident was message to me from my Higher Power that I survived for a reason. Cedar, the truck, especially on t he passenger side, was crumbled like a paper bag as was the roof. I look at the picture and don't know how I made it at all, let alone how I healed in four months. I was told it would probably take a year.I take this to mean my higher power loves me and thinks there is more I can do in this world and I don't believe He/She thinks it is to remain bitter or try to make amends with those who won't. It is bigger than that to me. I trust my Higher Power over Sis and Bro's petty family beefs. If you have a God, trust Him...or Her. In my case, there is really no gender, but I have always believed there is a Higher Power in all of us and wanting us to learn that love is t he answer to all. I don't know how I will fare in this. I did love everyone in my family, but honestly don't anymore. I suppose I will come back to live more lives as I have a lot yet to learn. My God knows how hard I tried. He understands the challenges I was born with, even if my FOO does not. Cedar, you have to do what is best for YOU regarding your FOO. You are such a good person. I can't understand how your sister doesn't love you to death. Copa, this applies to you too. New Leaf, ditto. IC, you seem to have had a family a bit like mine and I don't get it. You are so kind a nd smart and wise. We need, in my opinion, to take care of ourselves so we can live good lives and have enough love to spread to those who want it. Giving love to those who don't want it, in my opinion, is a waste of love. This is where I come from today. They want nothing to do with me right now? Well, they got it and will never be let in again to hurt me. Ever. Ever. Ever. I am content with the love I already have and am eager and ready to accept more love as the grands keep coming and the friends keep coming. I had that love for Sis and Bro and I made some mistakes, many due to my neurological sensitivities which caused me to act differently, but the people who love me do not try to bait me and they care and accept. Cedar and Copa etc. (everyone here), make good decisions for your heart. And ask yourself...how is it moral to disconnect from those who hurt us so much? I'm open to hearing your thoughts. All thoughts are valid. [/QUOTE]
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