My dad is a difficult child and can be a miserable s.o.b. He has all kinds of issues, has had hard core substance abuse issues (talking about physical alcohol dependency and several DTs, amphetamine psychosis and what not), but has been mainly moderate user last decade or so to my knowledge, has had pouts of drug induced mania (also with other than with amphetamine), has lots of characteristics of Borderline (BPD) (says he has also an official diagnoses, but I don't know for sure), is total attention w***e, tends to run hot and cold, is superficially charming but very untrustworthy and has caused me a lot of pain. However he is my dad. And only living relative. We have had our moments. I do have some really fond memories of him from when I was very young. After he was mostly MIA during my adolescence, we got closer and built a better relationship when I was a young adult. Then, soon after easy child was born he met a new, somewhat famous women and they married. He dropped me and mine like a wet sock and paraded in magazines how happy he was to finally have a family and how his wife's kids and grands felt like his own. I didn't get even a Christmas card in many years. That hurt - It really did. He has now been divorced from that wife quite some time and after the divorce he again remembered that I existed. I have had limited contact with him since that but I have not let him anywhere near my boys. He has been hinting about getting closer to me sometime now, last year quite persistently. Says he wants to learn to know my sons etc. and fix things between us. Last winter I was very much in crisis and when he was very persistent and I ended up buying few of his paintings and telling him to sod off and that I would not give him anything more. Lately he has been back calling and coming to my office. Not trying to sell his paintings this time, but trying to get me to lunch with him etc. And even giving me one painting (which I absolutely love, it is very special for me) for free. I do know he has been selling quite well lately so he is not likely in need of cash right now, so that is not why he is after me, I think. He is an artist, quite good in fact, and for years (I have bought a piece here and there to mainly get rid of him. Or because I have actually liked it a lot. If I'm honest (and not let the bitterness intervene) I guess I have ended up with collection of his favourite/best works; and paid very much underprice. So his motives have not been purely money he has been able to get from me. And some of his works, especially a sketchbook about me when very young and similar about difficult child as a baby, are some of my most priced possessions. He has been basically out from my, and even more so from my sons' lives, Joy's whole life and hasn't really done almost any works about him. Especially I would very much want some sketches of him, my dad has gotten classical art education and is an awesome drawer, I in fact love more many of his sketches than his big, finished works. And let's face it, what I know about, he has lately been behaving himself. He would want to be bigger part of my life and get a part in my sons lives. Of course if my sons and my dad want that, I can't stop it anyway. difficult child is already an adult and easy child will soon be. But at this point my dad tries to get to them through me so I have my say. Letting him be part of my sons lives would of course let them vulnerable to him. And I don't know how much they would get from it, maybe something. But to be honest, it is unlikely either of my boys would get so invested that they could get hurt, (at least if we warn difficult child not to give my dad any publicity boost, but even that is not a threat now that difficult child is abroad, while my dad is somewhat known in this country, he doesn't have any name outside of art circles anywhere else), so mostly I'm apprehensive because I'm worried I could get burnt again. Last time was bad enough, not wanting to go through that again. Then again, if I don't let myself get too emotionally invested, he can't hurt me like that again even if I let him be part of my life. He is who he is and there is not changing that at the lightest. But he is not devoid of good characteristics and I do know for sure (after all, I just have to look that sketchbook he did about me) that at least once he loved me the best he could. That may not be a whole lot, but it was his best anyway. And he is my dad. Sorry for being long-winded, just musing how I should handle him. It's not easy decision for me in one way or another. And my brains say one thing and heart another. Blah!