daily meltdowns

[ksm]

I hope we can go thru the weekend with out any major melt downs. I believe our difficult child has had one each day this week. At least she is consistent, huh? The major thing is - she wants short shorts... and I refuse to buy them. They don't pass school dress code - and I think it looks sleazy on a 13 year old girl.

Somedays I feel so beaten down I just hide in my room to avoid further confrontations. I feel like I am being held hostage in my own home. Advice would be fine, but mainly I am just venting. I am just so tired of it. Other meltdowns are about how her sister is wearing something she thought she wanted to wear (they are same size); she can't eat the food I prepare; people are looking at her; and that we hate her; she hates herself; she gets dizzy if she gets out of bed too fast (and she had to get up early two days this week); her sister's singing gives her a headache; the computer is too slow and she should have her own laptop; she wants a new ipod, even though she lost her last one; etc. she has an excuse for EVERYTHING!
KSM

 

[TeDo]

{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} Keep being firm. I have a son that is the SAME way but in his Aspie mind, it IS someone else's fault.

Just curious. Your sig about DGD#1 says "behavior disorder". I have never heard of that as an actual diagnosis before. To me, that is what ALL of our difficult child's have in various forms. Can you explain where that diagnosis came from and what they said it is?

 

[MuM_of_OCD_kiddo]

Realistically in your opinion - how much of this is her actual disorder speaking and how much of this is simply spoiled teenager? I see a lot of normal teen whining right there, and you avoiding dealing with her temper tantrums and letting her mouth off at you, allows her to escalate the behavior. I htink if you can determine which is which, you will have a clearer way how to approach successfully dealing with it. Where does your husband stand in all this?

 

[keista]

I htink if you can determine which is which, you will have a clearer way how to approach successfully dealing with it.

MuM That IS the dilemma of dealing with teen difficult children. Personally I flip back and forth on how I deal with this stuff. Generally depends on MY frustration levels. If I'm in a good place the kids get patience and understanding. If I'm tired and stressed, they get 'old fashioned' mom wrath. If one way works better for a particular situation, I'll continue dealing with it that way.

ksm, Seems like she's carrying a lot of negativity. Have you tried/considered some sort of reward system, based on the traditional reward charts for younger kids. I'm envisioning something along the lines of a money jar (allowance type of thing) She starts off with X amount. For every negative comment, you take away a nickel (if you started with $1 she gets 20 of them!) Positive comments receive a nickel. Chores have values assigned to them, and she gets paid the value when it is COMPLETED. The big catch is that she gets to spend the money any way she wants. Yes, you can lecture her on the right things and wrong things to spend her money on, but she gets to ultimately decide, even if it's short shorts.

I have a similar system set up with my girls except for the negative/positive comments thing - I'd owe them a fortune because they are much more positive than negative at the moment. When we go shopping they ALWAYS end up asking for something. So I ask them if they have any money? NO? Then, no you can't have it. Short end of it is that they NEVER have any money. It very much depends on the child as to how well such an arrangement will work.

I have even resorting to punishing my kids when they get into 'complaining mode' Complaining is one thing, but usually the whining about it sets in as well. I give them fair warning that if I have to hear one more complaint, they are grounded (at least to their room so I don't have to hear it). I then make them come up with 2 positive things for each complaint as their "get out of jail" ticket.

 

[ksm]

Warrior Parent - we are waiting for the therapists office to get insurance approval for a referral to a psychologist. A couple people on the list has suggested seeing a neurospyschologist and I have started hunting for one near us. There is one 60 miles away, and I plan to call next week and see what insurances they take, and if we need a referral from an MD or therapist, or if they take new patients without a referral. If I had to, I would be willing to just pay out of pocket. The therapist has mentioned the possibility of borderline personality disorder in the starting phase. I worry about bipolar, as bio mom is bipolar. Plus I am worried about effects of drugs and alcohol used during pregnancy up to at least 5 months along. Lots of reasons for behavior problems... including foster care for one year and then having her older brother sent to live with his bio dad... then us adopting her and little sister. A lot for anyone at any age. I realize that. KSM

 

[TeDo]

You are on the right track. The nearest neuropsychologist to where I live is 120 miles away but feel it will be worth it in the end. We can't get in until November but, hey, at least we can get in. Keep going the direction you're going. You'll get answers. This is another time that patience (which I run out of a lot) is the key. There are no easy quick answers. UGH!

{{{{(((HUGS)))}}}}

 

[ksm]

Yea! One full day with no meltdowns or major outbursts! Now, if she just gets up and gets ready for church, we may be headed for day two!! KSM

 

[HaoZi]

How has it gone so far today?

 

[Liahona]

I'm hoping for another melt down free day for you!

 

[crazymama30]

Hoping for another melt down free day. Those days when meltdowns occur daily or multiple times a day, are so so wearing. Hang in there.

 

[ksm]

Hoping for another melt down free day. Those days when meltdowns occur daily or multiple times a day, are so so wearing. Hang in there.

Yea, a great weekend compared to how the last month has been. difficult child actually played with her younger sister and they had fun. Usually she pulls the "too childish" card when her sister wants to do something. I hope there are more days like this in our future. Only two weeks until school starts... then it usually gets better as the two haven't seen each other all day. There is only two years difference in their ages - but somedays, you would think she was 18 and little sis was 2! Keeping my fingers crossed!! KSM