DA's meeting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Californiablonde, Jan 11, 2013.

  1. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Well it wasn't as bad as I thought. difficult child took the brunt of the blame. They made a lot of threats, mostly towards the kids. If difficult child continues to miss school, I will NOT go to jail as long as I go to five parenting classes to prove I am doing everything I can to get her to school. If difficult child continues to be truant, she will have a meeting at the court, be given 40 hours of community service, and have her driver's license withheld. If she still won't go to school, she gets a gps ankle bracelet to track her every move. If she still refuses, her butt gets hauled off to juvenal hall. The DA stated that just this Christmas she put three kids in Juvenal Hall on Christmas day. She has no problems hauling kids off to jail if they continue to defy their parents and skip school. I think difficult child got the message loud and clear about school. She went today without any arguments whatsoever. The first time in months she has willingly gotten up out of bed and gone to school.

    At the meeting they also talked about sneaking out of the house and staying out past curfew. Well guess what difficult child pulls after hearing this huge lecture about the dangers of sneaking out of the house? Last night while I was sleeping she took money out of my purse and walked to the store to get ice cream and soda! In the middle of the night! Talk about dangerous and stupid! I am so ****ed off at her! She apologized and said she was hungry and thirsty and she couldn't sleep. WTH was she thinking? And when I told her she stole from me and she was getting a HUGE consequence, her response is that she didn't steal, she just "borrowed." So now I'm going to have to hide my money from her. I am so upset. Just when I thought the meeting did difficult child some good she goes and pulls this ****. So I feel like some positive came out of it but I have no idea what the hell difficult child was thinking by sneaking out of the house. This is something she has never done before. So the meeting was okay but now I have to ground difficult child and this weekend is gonna be a tough one. This kid is gonna drive me into an early grave. Ugh!
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Let's hope she was scared enough to keep her going to school. Unfortunately I wouldn't count on that. Nothing scared mine out of truancy. I think your priority has to be improving her quality of school life. She is refusing because she is miserable at school and that is a big problem. Sorry to hear she sneaked out. seems she only got ideas from that speech. Then again, sneaking out to buy food is kind of worrying. Does she medicate her anxiety with food? Any chance she could be developing binge eating disorder?

    Did her dad come? Does he have anything to say to this?
  3. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I hope she keeps going to school!
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I've heard the "borrowed "excuse before.....so he now can repeat verbatim that borrowing means you asked and got an answer of yes before touching the item(s).

    Glad they were reasonable. It was probably a good shake up for her.
  5. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Suzir she is clinically obese and has a compulsive eating disorder. We have been to a nutritionist and weight watchers. So far nothing has helped. She blew off weight watchers by sneaking and eating whatever she wanted at school. And the boys and girls club has candy bars, chips, and soda. I really wish they would take that **** out of there. I don't give her money to buy food but her friends buy it for her. Plus boys and girls club has snacks like donuts and pizza right before I pick her up at dinner time. They are not helping difficult child control her weight. She's not 200 pounds yet but she's close to it. I am worried about her health.
  6. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I had one daughter who was overweight, had to wear braces, was taller than most kids in her classes and had acne. It was a painful time in her life and because I loved her so much it was difficult for me too. She has turned into an awesome woman with a huge caring heart...and attractive, too. I can guarantee you that you can not control your daughter's eating habits and if "everyone" is eating snacks, denying her snacks is not going to help the situation.

    I'm sure it is more difficult to parent challenging teens when you have anxiety issues as an adult. Although I totally (and yes I do mean totally!) understand having to live on a budget, I strongly believe that both you and she need to have the support of a professional counselor. I believe your Mom is trying to "fill that gap" but my impression is that although her intentions are honorable she is preventing you from becoming an independent parent with self confidence.

    Now you have had the meeting with the DA it is likely a good time to seek out good therapists. Chances are the State will fund your efforts. Hugs DDD
  7. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    DDD we both have therapists. difficult child has been in therapy since she was six years old.
  8. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Good to hear she has a therapist. I wouldn't be that worried about her loosing weight or push weight watchers. Eating disorders are about mental health, not so much about weight in the end. She has all the time in the world to get herself to healthy weight, but her anxiety and it turning to eating disorder are urgent worries. So is her unhappiness at school.

    I hope her dad will be more ready to support you in these things now that also he has to understand (I hope) that it is serious.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like you're on top of it. Like everyone else I'm hoping things improve soon. Hugs DDD
  10. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm glad that they read her the riot act about going to school and how it will be her that will have to pay the consequences, not you. I hope that it sticks with her.
  11. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear it went well for you! Now you can release some of that anxiety. Hopefully your ex was able to attend and get the gist of the situation. If not atleast you made him aware and he had the choice to know what was going on.
  12. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Ex chose not to attend. Not surprising. I'm just glad it's done and over with and hopefully difficult child is scared straight.
  13. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Oh and Suzir dad blames her weight on me too. He assumes I'm feeding them junk food even though I'm not. So her bad hygiene and her weight is apparently also my fault. He blames me for everything.
  14. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    His choice not to attend works in your favour - again.
    You are not standing in the way of him stepping up to the plate... he is choosing not to.
    Add this to your "documentation file".

    Glad the DA saw it as difficult child's problem way more than yours. At least that is a valid assessment... it isn't that you are not trying to get her there.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    The first time in months she has willingly gotten up out of bed and gone to school.


    But I'm so sorry about the fact she stole money and went out in the middle of the night. These kids learn everything the hard way.
  16. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Exactly!! If dad really wanted to be there, he would have.
  17. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Save the text where you told him about it. The more 'proof' you have that you have attempted to go parent with him and that he has not, the less likely he will be to get custody.

    It is all about you doing the right thing.
  18. Californiablonde

    Californiablonde Well-Known Member

    Oh believe me I got all his texts saved. Just wish I had stepmonster's texts where she cussed me out and called me a f***ing *****. Unfortunately those texts were on an old phone I no longer use. But I have all the texts from ex where he has cancelled visitations and cussed at me. May have to use them someday.