Dating over fifty...any suggestions I can pass along to my sis?

[BusynMember]

She has a long term jerk...er sort of boyfriend. He is a bit younger and won't introduce her to his kids, who are 15 and 12, although he has been divorced for nine years and says he loves her, therefore whenever he has his kids, which is often, she can't see him. The relationship is going nowhere. Yet she tried online dating and HATED it. She is a very very very pretty woman for her age and in great physical shape and looks much younger than her age and much better than I ever looked...lol. But she doesn't know where to go to meet people and dating at her age, period, seems to be harder than it was w hen I got divorced at the age of thirty-seven. She really would like a good relationship. Although she and I have had our on again/off again problems, that is just a sibling dynamic and honestly she is basically a very good person with a good heart...a bit picky about how somebody looks, but certainly NOT looking for a multi-millionaire or a perfect looking man.

After hearing her experiences and maybe because I dearly love my husband, if anything happens to him before something happens to me, dating will not be on my agenda. At any rate, any suggestions for Sis? She is 52 and her first husband treated her like crapola. She wants the experience of a good relationship this time, but seems hard to find.

 

[Hound dog]

Some churches have single social groups, that might help. If she likes to read frequenting a library or book store with a built in coffee place?

My bro complains about not being able to find a "decent" woman. I tell him as long as he looks in bars.......odds are he'll never find her. lol

I'm of no help. Last time I dated was 30 yrs ago and I stunk at it then. I don't like bars/clubs as I find the environment annoying and sensory upsetting at best and the bulk of those who show up not my type. On line I'd never do, too high risk of finding yourself in trouble. I'd probably never do the church thing due to my views on organized religion. (being honest)

But then I'm not looking and don't see me developing an interest to look anytime in the near future either. lol

 

[Calamity Jane]

MWM,
I subscribe to a monthly newsletter that comes in the mail, and it has so many different and informative articles. This month's newsletter has an interesting article you may be able to pass along to sis. FYI, the woman who wrote the article has her own website called LastFirstDate.com which sis may also find helpful:

http://www.bottomlinepublications.c...und-dont-let-these-common-fears-hold-you-back

 

[DDD]

I really think the "key" is to make a list of interests that suit her and then pursue a couple for her peresonal pleasure. I love vounteer work, for eample, and find that similar people who gather together for a common cause often become friends. Friendships expand your opportunity to meet others. Although I was in my thirities when I married for the second time the men who pursued me were decent people also trying to just live a nice life. Many of my friends were "looking" and although they were nice...it just was very obvious that they were seeking out good men and not just putting themselves out in the world hoping to click with others. Being "needy" or "too eager" is a major turnoff. DDD

 

[BusynMember]

Thanks. I will pass the publication along to her too. She does go to bars and nothing good in my opinion comes of meeting somebody who is drunk while you are also tipsy. Personally, I don't know why she wants a man so badly...lol. But she really does want the experience of being with somebody who really cares about her and that she also cares about. Seems like there are a lot of frogs who are easy to find. Perhaps the nicer guys aren't "out there."

 

[InsaneCdn]

Perhaps the nicer guys aren't "out there."

The nicer guys have the same problem.

Skip trying to find them. Get on with the stuff you love to do and have a passion for... and someday, you'll run into another person who shares that.

 

[DammitJanet]

I do have to point out that not all people who go to bars are drinking...lol. I have gone to sports bars or clubs for the entertainment (and the nice happy hour food!) and never drank more than soda with my friends.

 

[klmno]

Many, if not most, communities have groups for various age groups to meet and do things. CrazyinVA told me about one type- I think it was called MeetUp. I didn't actually try it but did look it up online. What I liked about it was there were many options- for instance, over 50yo's who like to go hiking, over meet at a restaurant for dinner. And I liked the fact that it wasn't actually a date so there was no pressure. It was a way to meet other people who share common interest and gave opportunities to socialize with them- no pressure involved- but obviously, could lead to meeting a person who might want to go out with. If I was going to do anything, that would probably be what I'd pursue.

 

[muttmeister]

Dating after 50? My suggestion (I'm 65 and divorced a lot of years)...DON'T. The ones who have been married and are divorced are divorced for a reason. If they're widowed, they have baggage. If they've never been married, there's a reason.

The best thing she can do is pursue the things SHE is interested in and make a life for herself. Then if she happens to run into a wonderful man who is interested in her and worth it, it is a bonus.

Too many women our age put their lives on hold waiting till they find a man or till they get the kids out or till they lose weight or till they pay their bill or till they do whatever. Then they wake up at 80 and realize they've wasted all those years waiting for something that was never meant to be when they could have been enjoying themselves all along.

 

[DDD]

Ask your sister (tongue in cheek) is she would go out carrying a sign? "I am over 50. I am looking for a boyfriend in various bars with-o success. I have no special interests or ties to the community. In fact I don't want to volunteer my time helping others. I envy women who have kind, amusing, attractive, achieving boyfriend's. Please call XXX-xxxx if you find one for me.!

Your sister needs to make an interesting life for herself so that others are attracted to sharing time with her. She's been on the mission of "finding a man" for at least six months. Time to give it up and try to find herself. Hugs DDD

 

[BusynMember]

Hi again.

Well, she is going to try meetups, which sound good. The only problem is she won't go alone and her friends are usually not as anxious to go as she is. She does have MANY interests. She loves to run and stay fit a nd ANY outdoor activity...you name it, she likes it. She is think;ing of joining a softball team. But it is true that her life seems to be stuck on "find that man." Trust me, I've told her that most aren't worth it, but she is determined to spend part of her life with somebody she really loves who loves her back since s he never had that experience.

Janet, I'm sure not everyone at bars is drunk. I never drink, no matter where I am, even bars. But from the stories she has told me, when she meets a man at a bar, he is usually drunk and she is at least tipsy. She is not an alcoholic, but she will not go to a bar without having at least a drink to get her feeling "happy." Her friends main places to hang out is bars.

I hope the meetups work for her. She, for some reason, won't go to church social groups. I'm not sure why. She is a pretty devout Catholic and I'm sure they do have social groups. Right???? Also, she is ok if the man isn't Catholic.

I think the older you are, the harder it is. But it was no picnic at thirty-seven either. Although we all looked better back then...lol...and I didn't have trouble finding dates (I used the newspaper and personal ads, which worked great for me), you still had his baggage, your own baggage, the kids, the ex, etc. I'm very lucky my current husband wrote to me. Something about his letter was different and touching and here we are. I think online dating, which is the rage now, is an ok resource, but she is afraid to be on it because her "boyfriend" who will never ever commit to her or introduce her to his family but says he loves her may see her on a website, get jealous, and break up with her. I can imagine him checking the websites out to make sure she isn't on any. He's a very jealous guy and...yuk...I can't stand him, ya know? in my opinion, by age fifty, you've put in your time and shouldn't put up with that kind of krap anymore, but maybe t hat's easy for me to say because I'm married...and happy with hub...

 

[DDD]

Goodness Gracious. She already has a boyfriend? Interesting. She participates in sports and goes to church and still hasn't found an OK friend? Wow. DDD