Dating woes...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by nodramamama, Nov 18, 2009.

  1. nodramamama

    nodramamama New Member

    My difficult child 1 came home last night announcing that she "now had a boyfriend". I knew that it had been brewing - and probed a little more. Almost immediately after "hooking up" they were practicing lip-locking in a stairwell at a volleyball game...for an extended period of time. difficult child 1 is sooo excited, but has very little awareness that there MAY be other activities involved with having a boyfriend - such as talking to him, having lunch together, etc. I really had to grit my teeth - but we're committed to working together now (kind of like Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Moriarty going off the cliff together) and I got a wheelbarrow-full of eye-opening information. We discussed some of the ramifications (like getting a suspension if she gets caught for kissing during school time - Catholic school), and I gave her some guidelines, although she has limited impulse-control - and then WHAMMO! She went online and found that her "friends" had viralled a bunch of "**** and *****" comments about her.

    typical teen stuff - but it hits my difficult child where it hurts the most cause of being a former foster kid, etc. So Round 2 involved making a plan to talk to her favorite teacher (she came up with that one! YAY!) AND she has to give a somewhat "sanitized version" to her other mother since she'll be at her other house tonight. We were both exhausted by the time we went to bed - this morning I had her go over her plan with me again and sent her off.

    difficult child 2 is coming home tonight, but since he'll be the only kid in the house, I think that DP and I can settle in with him, play some wii, chill and pat him back together ofter the Big Bang. We could ALL use some downtime!
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Ick - that 13 y/o boyfriend stuff. Sneaks up on you, doesn't it? There are good books by The American Girl Library on boyfriends, friendship, dating, manners & two I used a great deal here with kt, My Emotions and the Care & Keeping of Me (I believe that's the title).

    I found that that first boyfriend experience is the most painful - both for daughter & mother. My instinct was to keep kt a child a bit longer knowing I was fighting nature. kt, in the meantime, was too naive to see the consequences of various choices made by the new relationship.

    Ick, ick, ick - you have my deepest sympathies.

  3. nodramamama

    nodramamama New Member

    Yes, ick. Juuuuust when her grades were starting to creep up because of the new medications. The "Care and Keeping of Me" is pretty much left open (by me) in our house to the "body odor" stuff...I will definitely check out the one on the emotions.

    It's hard enough for typical teen's with a semblance of impulse control. Luckily we already pick her up right after school, etc. Her boyfriend is...ok, though I suspect that he's not drawn to her for her conversation skills. She could have done much much worse.

    He goes on to high school next year and she doesn't like any of the boys in her grade (she's a year older than they are) - so I've got about 6 months to go on this particular challenge. Even before boyfriend hove into view, her therapist was joking about putting some birth control into her ADHD difficult child says, "Mom, I'm just boy-crazy!"

    Kill me now.
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I gotta be honest here - with kt's hx in the bio home we put her on birth control the year her period started. kt was simply at higher risk.

    Keep in mind, your difficult child will go thru boyfriends like she'll go thru styles of wardrobe "her look" of the week. That's the only thing that keeps me from duct taping kt's mouth shut when she's discussing boyfriend of the week. ;)

    This is a harsh time for young ladies. Older boys can & do look to the younger, more troubled ones - easy prey? I don't know but kt attracts boys 17, 18 & 19. She's emotionally barely 12 or 13.

    Good luck & keep us updated. It is the more typical teen of issues & I like discussing this with mom's.