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Daughter is 22 and has cut us out of her life am devastated.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 684056" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I hope you seek help. Your life has value in itself, regardless of who decides to abandon or betray you.</p><p>Of course this is ridiculous. She is responsible for her own choices and her own persona. She wants to have it both way. Talk about controlling. She wants it both ways. Take from you on her terms, without any reciprocal responsibilities from her.</p><p>This, of course, is cruel.</p><p></p><p>The thing is what can you do? Everybody here on this forum is united by their circumstance of having to accept behaviors of their adult children, that hurt or worry them.</p><p></p><p>When you stabilize yourself, I would read the article on detachment.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter, no matter how much it hurts you, no matter the unfairness or the cruelty can live her life as she chooses. She has betrayed you, by taking the money you offered with certain terms, in good faith and then once received, turned the tables.</p><p></p><p>Failing a written agreement, what is your recourse except to accept the circumstances, and go from there?</p><p></p><p>Right or wrong have nothing to do with it. She is an adult. You are adults.</p><p></p><p>There is a reality that must be accepted, and feelings to be dealt with. Learning that your child is somebody different than you believed she would be.</p><p>Because she has chosen to be this different person, and may continue down that same road.</p><p></p><p>All of these things must be accepted and dealt with. It will take time. This was a betrayal. You need time to recover. Of course it was wrong.</p><p></p><p>As far as her lying about you to other people, her friends, many of us know the hurtfulness of this. The thing is, she is a separate person from you. She can decide who she wants to be. The hope comes from the possibility that down the road, she may change her mind.</p><p></p><p>But that will not come from your hurt feelings. You are responsible for those, not her. I know this must sound harsh and unfeeling. Nonetheless, it is true.</p><p></p><p>I hope you keep posting. It really helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 684056, member: 18958"] I hope you seek help. Your life has value in itself, regardless of who decides to abandon or betray you. Of course this is ridiculous. She is responsible for her own choices and her own persona. She wants to have it both way. Talk about controlling. She wants it both ways. Take from you on her terms, without any reciprocal responsibilities from her. This, of course, is cruel. The thing is what can you do? Everybody here on this forum is united by their circumstance of having to accept behaviors of their adult children, that hurt or worry them. When you stabilize yourself, I would read the article on detachment. Your daughter, no matter how much it hurts you, no matter the unfairness or the cruelty can live her life as she chooses. She has betrayed you, by taking the money you offered with certain terms, in good faith and then once received, turned the tables. Failing a written agreement, what is your recourse except to accept the circumstances, and go from there? Right or wrong have nothing to do with it. She is an adult. You are adults. There is a reality that must be accepted, and feelings to be dealt with. Learning that your child is somebody different than you believed she would be. Because she has chosen to be this different person, and may continue down that same road. All of these things must be accepted and dealt with. It will take time. This was a betrayal. You need time to recover. Of course it was wrong. As far as her lying about you to other people, her friends, many of us know the hurtfulness of this. The thing is, she is a separate person from you. She can decide who she wants to be. The hope comes from the possibility that down the road, she may change her mind. But that will not come from your hurt feelings. You are responsible for those, not her. I know this must sound harsh and unfeeling. Nonetheless, it is true. I hope you keep posting. It really helps. [/QUOTE]
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Daughter is 22 and has cut us out of her life am devastated.....
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