daughter is jeckyll/hyde

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by change, Sep 27, 2009.

  1. change

    change New Member

    Our daughter is driving us crazy. For about the past 4 school years now we have begun the school year with a "honey-moon period" after a pretty good summer where the summer was so nice and peaceful that I forget how manupulative she can be that everything blows up in my face at about this time. You would think that by now I would be prepared. I actually was waiting for both shoes to drop this year and last school year too but even so, I was still shocked at the extent of what she'd done. Every year, she gets worse. Her behaviors escalate. What really peeves me is that I warned the school, I gave the teachers my contant info., each and every one of them, and yet they did not contact me. Instead, I was bombarded with bad news all at once in the span of about 8 days time beginning with the PE teacher, then the cross country coach, then a parent from the school that I teach at (embarrassing!!!), and finally the school police calling me at my place of work. The police aplogized a bunch for not notifying me sooner when I relayed to her that I knew nothing up until that point either. (My daughter had been running a money scam for several days at least a few weeks prior.) Anyway, I'm sick, embarrassed, and disgusted by the whole thing. This is not the first time she's stolen. My son used to do the same thing. They begged, borrowed, stole, passed themselves off as poor, etc. We are middle class people and far from poor and have given them everything!!! It makes us feel terrible that they are behaving this way!!! They are bottomless pits. No matter how much we give them, they are NEVER, EVER satisfied. We understand this is a condition of attachment disorder, however, we can only take so much. Also, it's the lying and deceit that is really so hard to live with. You have no idea. She is increasinly disrespectful towards others for no reason at all and very, very mean, She makes us feel sorry for her on the one hand telling us she only wants to have friends, but then we see her when she things we're not watching, and she is so mean to her peers. She cusses, she's cruel, and she puts them off. It's shocking. She confuses the other children so that they don't want anything to do with her.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    We had a son with attachment disorder, severe.

    Sadly, I know what you mean. To him, we were a means to an end...money, nice toys, good food etc. It was never because he cared for us. He actually hurt all of us. It is very hard to parent a child who doesn't really want love.

    I empathize. (((Hugs)))
  3. change

    change New Member

    I remember MidwestMom. My son was just like your son. Our daughter is not even close. She seems to want to fight it at times. The thing is, when she's with us (my husband & I or the grandparents) she's not too bad. Anyone else, it's AWFUL. She does lie to us but she does not give us much trouble otherwise and she has stopped stealing from my husband and I lately. I would say she is pretty attached to the 6 of us. But anyone else, we can not trust her with. She will try to manipulate them. Also she is not violent...but she IS mean and moody. Our son was dangerous. Very dangerous. We thought he might try to kill us one day. It was/is severe attachment disorder. It was scary. Plus, he was brilliant. Once he was back in state custody and we were in our court case, they were saying he had a very high IQ which made him even more dangerous. Our daughter is the opposite. She is in Special Education. for math and though booksmart in some areas quite "clueless" in a lot of ways.
  4. change

    change New Member

    And I know I don't come on here that often...and I'm sorry for that. It might seem selfish now to come on here and vent, etc. I'm just feeling so down and frustrated and hopeless today. I feep a grateful journal that I have been pretty good about writing in when I feel like I can't find anything good to think about but today I felt so deflated at church that I came home and wrote "I am not grateful at all today." It's not true but that's how I felt at that moment. I have a GREAT husband and wonderful parents and friends. But I covet a loving child sooooooo much.
  5. change

    change New Member

    I feel like we tried so hard to create a special life for her even after the relinquishment of her brother to help get over the pain. We were suffering so much too (and I still am) and I put it aside everyday to help her and now I feel like she is so ungrateful for everything we've given up for her and it has been a lot. I know that may sound bad but you don't the 1/2 of it.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    This sounds so much like my difficult child. We can never do enough for him. I'm sorry she is struggling so much and you are having to deal with the fall out from every end of it.

    Sending gentle hugs your way.