daughter is making me lose it

[urameanmami]

Everytime I turn around it seems like a different person is coming to complain about her. She has said something disturbing or she has tried to take something, and then she wants to go play outside but noone wants their kids to play with her. I can't blame them but she gets upset and feels like nobody likes her and I can't make her feel better because its something she did to upset them. What do you do when you kid is the one noone wants to play with or be around and ofcourse you can't make them want it or change it and you understand the other persons reasons?

 

[InsaneCdn]

U - can you do up a signature so we can keep track of you and your difficult child? Some of the others on this board have fantastic memories, but the rest of us need reminders... you need to edit your profile to set up a sig.

 

[TeDo]

The only thing you CAN do is be honest with her. Tell her WHY each situation is as it is and why YOU would feel the same as the other person. It's called teaching social skills to someone that apparently has none. After the explanations, you can offer to help "fix" the situation by teaching her how.

 

[InsaneCdn]

There. Went and looked up your other posts...

I sound like a broken record on this board, but... until you know what you - and she - are really dealing with, until you get the right dxes and start getting the right interventions, accommodations and medications... its almost impossible to know how to help. Even as a parent, when you know the kid better than anybody else... (been there done that).

Have you started a parent report? (see site help and resources) Start recording ALL the details of what is going on and the past history. Start a journal, too - day to day log of events, reactions, what worked, what didn't...

 

[zaftigmama]

We have these problems, too. It's a tough one. I'm not sure how old your daughter is or what her diagnosis is--but here's what's worked for us.

We have much more success if we incorporate play into a family visit--our family might go socialize with another family with children. We (me or my husband) will hang around to help facilitate play. If our son does or says something--"I don't want to play with CARS! CARS ARE STUPID!" --we can offer a correction ("If you don't want to play with cars, say "I don't want to play with cars. Can we play "X" instead?") Then we try to steer them in the direction of they'll hopefully both like, like Wii or Nerf.

It's not easy, I'll grant you that.

 

[greenrene]

Unfortunately, this has been a lifelong issue for our difficult child. We used to live in a small, close community with several girls around difficult child's age nearby. The kids were always playing at each others' houses, but difficult child was often left out because she just couldn't wrap her head around the concept of playing nicely. It got worse as she got older, and it was really bad in the preteen years because the other girls had FAR surpassed difficult child in maturity, and none of them wanted to be around her because she was mean. It was heartbreaking to watch, especially because try as we might, difficult child just never "got it."

Although we don't live there anymore, she still really struggles socially and really doesn't have any friends. When she IS interacting with kids her age (and younger), I often have one or more come up to me saying that difficult child isn't being nice. All this is despite all we've done as far as interventions, therapy, etc. She just does. not. get. it. Sorry I don't have any good answers, but you aren't alone in this struggle. It's so hard to watch.