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Daughter is now homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 673538" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi Rosybird, so sorry for your hurting heart and your need to be here. I am glad that others' stories have helped you to see that this is a problem <em>you</em> cannot fix.</p><p>We have no control over what our adult children are doing.</p><p>Our d cs have to see the need, and want to stop making bad choices.</p><p> I think this is really good advice.</p><p> I have read things like this over again. It took me a while to understand that whenever my two would come to ask for help, live at home, etc. they <em>seemed</em> to have <em>wanted change</em>. Each time, it was the same pattern, over and over. We would try to help them, and they ended up going down the same path, using drugs, and using us. Someone had to stop the crazy, and it wasn't going to be them.</p><p>So, <em>we </em>did.</p><p>We did not want to fund their partying, drug use and downfall, by making life easier for them.</p><p></p><p> I know this feeling. We want so badly to help, it goes against our nature to nurture, to <em>not </em>try. We had a series of comings and goings. It was a mess. It was a revolving door, trying just one more time, over and again. I look back now and realize we just <em>prolonged the suffering</em>, theirs and ours. You are right Rosybird, it doesn't seem like love to let go. But the awful part of continuing to hang on and help, is that our eldest is <em>36,</em> and out there. We took too long to see the light. My husband has cousins in their<em> 70's, caring for their 50 year old d c's who never launched</em>. </p><p>Giving your girl her wings, is the best thing you can do for her. It doesn't feel right. It hurts, but you will get through it.</p><p>The honest truth is, the more we "loved" and "helped" our two, the deeper they went into their addictions. The honest truth is, our d c's don't get better in our homes, they get worse. </p><p>We provide a safety net for them, and they rely on that to <em>continue </em>their downfall, not end it.</p><p> This is true. The only thing you have control of, is you. </p><p>We as parents cannot control the choices of our adult d c's. </p><p>What we do have control of, is living our lives to the fullest. </p><p>I believe, by doing this, getting out of the way, out of the whirlpool of their behaviors and <em>living our lives</em>, we are <em>showing them by our actions</em>, the best way to live.</p><p> It is hard, but you are already doing this Rosybird. Stand firm in your convictions, and you will be doing your daughter a huge favor, by showing her<em> she has got to get a handle on her life</em>, for herself. </p><p>In the meantime, take time to work on yourself, to build yourself back up. </p><p>It is exhausting to come out of the fire of this. </p><p>You are doing it. </p><p>Stay strong and keep posting. </p><p>There are so many good people here, who are on this same journey, in all different stages. </p><p></p><p>We learn from one another. It is good to have a network of support.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Rosybird, you are not alone.</p><p></p><p>Peace to you.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 673538, member: 19522"] Hi Rosybird, so sorry for your hurting heart and your need to be here. I am glad that others' stories have helped you to see that this is a problem [I]you[/I] cannot fix. We have no control over what our adult children are doing. Our d cs have to see the need, and want to stop making bad choices. I think this is really good advice. I have read things like this over again. It took me a while to understand that whenever my two would come to ask for help, live at home, etc. they [I]seemed[/I] to have [I]wanted change[/I]. Each time, it was the same pattern, over and over. We would try to help them, and they ended up going down the same path, using drugs, and using us. Someone had to stop the crazy, and it wasn't going to be them. So, [I]we [/I]did. We did not want to fund their partying, drug use and downfall, by making life easier for them. I know this feeling. We want so badly to help, it goes against our nature to nurture, to [I]not [/I]try. We had a series of comings and goings. It was a mess. It was a revolving door, trying just one more time, over and again. I look back now and realize we just [I]prolonged the suffering[/I], theirs and ours. You are right Rosybird, it doesn't seem like love to let go. But the awful part of continuing to hang on and help, is that our eldest is [I]36,[/I] and out there. We took too long to see the light. My husband has cousins in their[I] 70's, caring for their 50 year old d c's who never launched[/I]. Giving your girl her wings, is the best thing you can do for her. It doesn't feel right. It hurts, but you will get through it. The honest truth is, the more we "loved" and "helped" our two, the deeper they went into their addictions. The honest truth is, our d c's don't get better in our homes, they get worse. We provide a safety net for them, and they rely on that to [I]continue [/I]their downfall, not end it. This is true. The only thing you have control of, is you. We as parents cannot control the choices of our adult d c's. What we do have control of, is living our lives to the fullest. I believe, by doing this, getting out of the way, out of the whirlpool of their behaviors and [I]living our lives[/I], we are [I]showing them by our actions[/I], the best way to live. It is hard, but you are already doing this Rosybird. Stand firm in your convictions, and you will be doing your daughter a huge favor, by showing her[I] she has got to get a handle on her life[/I], for herself. In the meantime, take time to work on yourself, to build yourself back up. It is exhausting to come out of the fire of this. You are doing it. Stay strong and keep posting. There are so many good people here, who are on this same journey, in all different stages. We learn from one another. It is good to have a network of support. Hang in there Rosybird, you are not alone. Peace to you. (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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