Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Daughter not speaking
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 707294" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi Karrots</p><p></p><p>What a difficult situation.</p><p></p><p>I think you nailed it: They asked for confidentiality. Deciding to break that agreement, it would have been better to tell them face to face. You set yourself up for their "turning the tables." You knew they would be angry. And they are. But they are not blameless (I will get to that below.)</p><p></p><p>I am a senior citizen who has almost all of my life had a difficult relationship with a sister 5 years younger. I too asked my now deceased mother, not to tell my secrets. I always believed my mother had kept my confidence. When her mind began slipping at the end, I realized she had not. It hurt me, too. Perhaps I identify with Terry and Shelly.</p><p></p><p>But you are human. And you acted with love and responsibility. Of course the secret could not be kept.</p><p></p><p>If I think about it, maybe you were "set up." I mean, what responsible grandmother and mother could (or should) keep such a secret.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps there was also the ulterior motive of dishing dirt on Callie and Jenni. If the thinking is that you favor them, there had to be some suspicion that this gossip would weigh on you, and maybe the intent was to disgrace or damage your favorable sense of this granddaughter and to cause you to have to go to Callie and cause her worry and pain.</p><p></p><p>So nobody here is blameless. Neither Shelly or Terry will cop to their motivations, I fear. So confronting them would not help you. But understand, in likelihood you were set up.</p><p></p><p>I think the thing to focus on is what you could have done differently, which is to have told them up front,<em> I cannot keep that confidence</em>; or failing that, telling them prior to breaking your commitment, to spare yourself the drama.</p><p></p><p>Of course telling Callie was correct.</p><p></p><p>But I would try to minimize the conflict, by apologizing and letting go, their motivations for gossiping.</p><p></p><p>That is what it was, gossip.</p><p></p><p>Imagine. Telling a grandmother to keep her mouth shut, about compromising and potentially dangerous behavior of a granddaughter. Ridiculous.</p><p></p><p>In any event. <strong><u>Stop suffering</u></strong>. You acted impulsively to protect your family. I think most of us would have done the same thing. Forgive yourself.</p><p></p><p>I would clean it up with a quick apology, and not fall on your sword. If they try to skewer you do not accept it. They were very much more wrong than you were, I think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 707294, member: 18958"] Hi Karrots What a difficult situation. I think you nailed it: They asked for confidentiality. Deciding to break that agreement, it would have been better to tell them face to face. You set yourself up for their "turning the tables." You knew they would be angry. And they are. But they are not blameless (I will get to that below.) I am a senior citizen who has almost all of my life had a difficult relationship with a sister 5 years younger. I too asked my now deceased mother, not to tell my secrets. I always believed my mother had kept my confidence. When her mind began slipping at the end, I realized she had not. It hurt me, too. Perhaps I identify with Terry and Shelly. But you are human. And you acted with love and responsibility. Of course the secret could not be kept. If I think about it, maybe you were "set up." I mean, what responsible grandmother and mother could (or should) keep such a secret. Perhaps there was also the ulterior motive of dishing dirt on Callie and Jenni. If the thinking is that you favor them, there had to be some suspicion that this gossip would weigh on you, and maybe the intent was to disgrace or damage your favorable sense of this granddaughter and to cause you to have to go to Callie and cause her worry and pain. So nobody here is blameless. Neither Shelly or Terry will cop to their motivations, I fear. So confronting them would not help you. But understand, in likelihood you were set up. I think the thing to focus on is what you could have done differently, which is to have told them up front,[I] I cannot keep that confidence[/I]; or failing that, telling them prior to breaking your commitment, to spare yourself the drama. Of course telling Callie was correct. But I would try to minimize the conflict, by apologizing and letting go, their motivations for gossiping. That is what it was, gossip. Imagine. Telling a grandmother to keep her mouth shut, about compromising and potentially dangerous behavior of a granddaughter. Ridiculous. In any event. [B][U]Stop suffering[/U][/B]. You acted impulsively to protect your family. I think most of us would have done the same thing. Forgive yourself. I would clean it up with a quick apology, and not fall on your sword. If they try to skewer you do not accept it. They were very much more wrong than you were, I think. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Daughter not speaking
Top