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Substance Abuse
Daughter spiraling out of control
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 697439" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Welcome Boodle: </p><p></p><p>Sorry you are going through this but glad you found this forum. If you keep posting and reading other's stories, it will help you tremendously. It did me.</p><p></p><p>We began dealing with bad behaviors and drug use with my son starting at puberty (15). He started with alcohol and marijuana but due to anxiety he was prescribed benzos and abused those and that started him on a downward spiral. He wasn't using all the time, but when he wasn't abusing something, he wasn't moving forward either. He was suspended in time.</p><p></p><p>Finally at the age of 20 this past March we gave him an ultimatum of rehab or he would have to live elsewhere. He would have had to go to a shelter. It took a lot for me to get to that point but I knew that we could not live like this any longer. I finally realized that nothing I had ever done or said was helping - at all. He did agree to rehab only because he did not want to live in a shelter (would prefer he admitted he needed it but nope) and then we sent him to a program in Florida and he has been there ever since. He has bounced around and relapsed but he is sober right now and most importantly he is NOT IN OUR HOME. We have peace again. I forgot what that was like. I will NEVER go back to that life again. NEVER!</p><p></p><p>If we do not let them feel the consequences of their actions, they never learn. I see some people that have been going through this for ten or more years. We did for almost five and now he has to sink or swim on his own. I have to live my life. I've had many years stolen from me. It was so hard on our marriage and our older sons. We love him so much but I could no longer watch him destroy himself. He has to want to be a good person. He has to want to live a good life. It's his journey, not mine. My son had told me before that he wouldn't change because he never had to. I have pulled away tremendously for ME. I am hoping that this will help him start the change.</p><p></p><p>This may sound harsh, but I'd tell her at 18 she either goes to rehab or has to find another place to live. I wish we had done that at 18 rather than wait another two years. It did nothing good for us or HIM! I definitely recommend therapy for you and your husband if he'll go to help you be supportive with boundaries. You need professional help with this. Once addiction has it's hold on our children, we can no longer parent them like we normally would. I see a therapist weekly since his overdose and I couldn't live without it. We are not prepared to deal with this sort of thing. Even the experts have a hard time figuring it out. What works for one may not work for another. There is no perfect science.</p><p></p><p>This forum and the people on it have given me the strength to do this. I have tried to learn from their mistakes as they have. We're still learning though.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 697439, member: 15032"] Welcome Boodle: Sorry you are going through this but glad you found this forum. If you keep posting and reading other's stories, it will help you tremendously. It did me. We began dealing with bad behaviors and drug use with my son starting at puberty (15). He started with alcohol and marijuana but due to anxiety he was prescribed benzos and abused those and that started him on a downward spiral. He wasn't using all the time, but when he wasn't abusing something, he wasn't moving forward either. He was suspended in time. Finally at the age of 20 this past March we gave him an ultimatum of rehab or he would have to live elsewhere. He would have had to go to a shelter. It took a lot for me to get to that point but I knew that we could not live like this any longer. I finally realized that nothing I had ever done or said was helping - at all. He did agree to rehab only because he did not want to live in a shelter (would prefer he admitted he needed it but nope) and then we sent him to a program in Florida and he has been there ever since. He has bounced around and relapsed but he is sober right now and most importantly he is NOT IN OUR HOME. We have peace again. I forgot what that was like. I will NEVER go back to that life again. NEVER! If we do not let them feel the consequences of their actions, they never learn. I see some people that have been going through this for ten or more years. We did for almost five and now he has to sink or swim on his own. I have to live my life. I've had many years stolen from me. It was so hard on our marriage and our older sons. We love him so much but I could no longer watch him destroy himself. He has to want to be a good person. He has to want to live a good life. It's his journey, not mine. My son had told me before that he wouldn't change because he never had to. I have pulled away tremendously for ME. I am hoping that this will help him start the change. This may sound harsh, but I'd tell her at 18 she either goes to rehab or has to find another place to live. I wish we had done that at 18 rather than wait another two years. It did nothing good for us or HIM! I definitely recommend therapy for you and your husband if he'll go to help you be supportive with boundaries. You need professional help with this. Once addiction has it's hold on our children, we can no longer parent them like we normally would. I see a therapist weekly since his overdose and I couldn't live without it. We are not prepared to deal with this sort of thing. Even the experts have a hard time figuring it out. What works for one may not work for another. There is no perfect science. This forum and the people on it have given me the strength to do this. I have tried to learn from their mistakes as they have. We're still learning though. [/QUOTE]
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