Daughter's gain up on me

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sassydaughters, Jan 28, 2018.

  1. Sassydaughters

    Sassydaughters New Member

    Hello ,
    I have a 27year old daughter she has a 7year old son .she has always blame me for everything that goes wrong in her life .recently she had to move back with me and my husband ( not her father ) because she had no where else to go .her fiance was abusing her son ( my grandson ) so now the father took him .my daughter's track record for guys is no good abusive alcoholic even her ex husband the father of the 7 year old .there are things I don't agree with I don't care about the adults only my grandsons wellbeing .I want to be on her side but when she doesn't make good decisions about her 7yrs old child I jump in .I love my daughter she needs counseling but she is so Stubborn, the father has her son now she signed papers that she didn't even read child support stopped now father is taking over .my daughter blames me for her actions I didnt tell her to do anything now her sister that lives 10hours from us is bashing me and she hates me I don't care for her husband he isn't very nice so we got into it .but she brings up the past I'm so sick of the past bringing up shee has military background military life for 8 yrs met her husband, she has 2 kids from previous relationship and one for her husband now .I hated after they finally got out of the military life she would move up here closer to her side of family nope farther away from the 2 kids dad and grandma and now me and the rest of her family .but we just fight and fight .I apologize so many times ,I buy her a beautiful charm bracelet with charms on them .the love between my 2 older daughter's are gone I love my grandchildren and I wish I could see them more .
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there.

    This is hard for grandma's, but we have very few options and none are good. Legally, we have no rights to our grands. Our probLem adult kids do not have to let us see them. If you feel they are being abused, do call CPS. It is the right thing to do. Your child, unless a sex offender, will likely just get scolded and might be offered helpful services. In the worst case scenario, the child will be removed and you can ask for custody, but the biological father would have first choice and unless he is also proven unfit. The bar is high. My understanding is Dad already has custody so now it is his decision

    Otherwise, the best you can do is build a good life for yourself in other ways and enjoy your grands when you get to see them. I have two grands I never met because my son took off and disowned the family. Legally, there was nothing I could do.

    We contacted a lawyer. I dont know the details but the Supreme Court has ruled against grandparents forced visitation. There are slight variations in states, but in all states parents who are not declared legally unfit have the right to deny us our grandchildren. If your daughter signed something she didn't read or says she didn't read maybe she can go back to court but lawyers are expensive and at 27 can't see a Judge having much sympathy or believing she didn't k ow what she was signing. But family court is unpredictable.

    I don't know why she blames you. But I think it's best to stay out of our grown kids decisions. This is especially true if they don't act like adults, dont work, and abuse us. I don't think it's a good idea to rescue or financially support them either. It doesn't help them or make them like us more.

    I hope you can find ways to enjoy life and find peace.
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2018
  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, Sassy

    You might want to take you picture down, for the security of yourself, your kids, and your minor grandkids.

    We are generally anonymous here, because of the subject matter.

    If you read the other stories, it seems that the more we do for our troubled adult kids, the more they abuse us.

    Back away from the drama. Don’t engage.

    Maybe your daughter should start looking for another living situation?