Day went from bad to worse

[meggy1]

Had a horrible day today Morning started with difficult child's normal complaining about not feeling good, having pain/cramps, and not being able to go to school. Since today would have been the only day this week she'd had gone and I had talked to the school yesterday I gave her her medications and sent her back to bed, feeling guilty about having to leave her alone so I could go to work.

LilSis in the mean time was complaining about not feeling good. She went to the dr on Friday and was diagnosed with bronchitis, of course it turned out that the antibiotic she took Friday and Saturday she is allergic to and woke up Sunday morning itching with hives all down her back and on her front. Change in antibiotic and allergy medications helped but she woke with itch again Monday and Tuesday. Doesn't understand why she has to go to school sick while difficult child gets to stay home. So I manage to get difficult child back to bed, lilsis to school and go to work for the first time in the past 4 workdays. Of course it's a busy time at my office right now and people werent too happy I had missed time. Part of the problem is they do not how to do some of the things such as formatting documents that I can do. Power struggle went on wiht those in the office and I came back today to a very unhappy office.
Director decided to hold meeting to voice his displeasure. started telling us what we had done wrong and how he would have done it differently. Of course never mentioned the other 90% of the projects that were down right and on time. Well he got around to me and I lost it. Just started crying and couldn't stop. On a normal day it wouldn't have been a problem, I'd of said ok, and moved on. but after the morning I had, plus finding out yesterday that difficult child was being scheduled for a cystocopy with bladder biopsy, and worrying about her and school...his critiqueing was the straw that broke the camel's back. Walked away from the meeting to control myself but couldn't because all I kept thinking about was my sick children and not being able to do anything to help them.difficult child called at least 3 times during this meeting since she was home and having pains, and I had to explain I was in a meeting and couldn't talk :-(
Anyhow, meeting ended and he asked me to stay, so we had our own meeting. I have worked for this director for 12 years, first as his secretary now as a research assistant. I have always been upfront with him when I needed to take time off explaining why I needed it off and checking to see if there was anything that needed done before I left. So he has been very accommodating with my request for time off. Problem is he is not as accommodating with others because they don't show the same level of respect. The but things on the calender and then tell them while they are walking out the door that they have to go. They tend to have no regard to what is going on and what needs to be finished at times that day.
I explained to him what had happened with last week that caused me to be out three days at the end of the week and yesterday (Monday) and explained that I would be needing additional time off soon because difficult child has to have a cystocopy with biopsy done on her bladder. He reviewed what he said in the meeting and said that it wasn't directed at me, that if he had a problem with me he'd call me in seperate to address it.
So I left that meeting feeling better about what he thought of me but upset with my co-worker not having my back and telling him the things she had said she was going to tell him. Basically backing each other up. Think that also led to my crying meltdown.

Then start getting texts from difficult child about not feeling good, bad cramps, and wanting me home. Explained I'd leave work the normal time and would be home shortly.
Came home from work to difficult child complaining about dinner and she can't eat it. Then she started again when she was told to do her chore of loading the dishwasher. She exploded which triggered my husband to explode which triggered me to lose it again and cry. Just so tired of crying(((((((( Can't go one day without difficult child exploding when she doesnt' get what she wants. Think she figures she explodes like she does and cause fights and friction then she controls the house. There have been several times I have seriously considered looking into boarding programs that can deal with her until she can learn the "normal" way to react and respond. Other days I just lock myself in my room and cry. Looking for advice who have children react the same way who could give me ideas of how to cope without everyone yelling and screaming and making the matter worse. I did go out yesterday and bought the Explosive Child book and will probably have it read in a matter of days. While I do have friends I can vent to they all have perfect children who do no wrong so I would appreciate any tips parents of difficult children could provide to help me until I make it through the book.
Also, thanks for letting me vent
Tracy

 

[Jena]

hi and welcome i never saw you in here before

sounds like a crazy day for sure.......... i'm sorry i got tired reading it you must be exhausted lol.

kids, difficult child's wow yup their a handful, drain you of your very existance at times. they do like chaos, drama and all the attention on them. at least mine does sounds like yours too. they can flip over a household in a heart beat and walk away as the parents stand there baffled and usually upset.

i'm soo no expert i myself have driven myself into the ground handling mine. what i can say and what i've come to learn thru my own recent mistakes is draw firm boundaries behavior wise what will be tolerated, what wont' be. behavior and what consequence will follow. i used to have mine posted when my difficult child was a little younger than i thought ok i can pull it down now. NOT i'm throwing it back up again.

I think making sure the medications are ok, double checking those to make sure the blow ups aren't a side effect of that and also checking to see if the medications she is taking are supposed to lower aggression and if they are why aren't they working?

as far as the rest of it goes, i'm in awe of parents on here who work and handle their difficult child's. i used to be that also yet as of late past year i have not worked due to mine. it just got to be too much.

id say go with boundaries in your home, what you will and won't allow like i said. also practice your responses to her meltdown's almost like tape recorded answers, make sure you dont' engage in battle to make her escalate and make it worse. i've done that also with my older one, we all do at times. they almost bait us and we jump in. do you guys spend any family time together? i mean doing fun stuff like a board game doesn't have to be expensive night out etc. i find that when we do that along with-the rules consequences as we did in the past it helps them fall in line a little better. sort of like punishing with one hand and hugging wtih the other if that makes sense to you.

well good for you you survived your day. those are my ideas, i'm sure many will follow it's just a busy week with-holiday coming up and all. oh i've also learned my difficult child and i'm sure alot of other's get more revved up on holidays, instead of normal excited they get almost aggitated and irritable. maybe it's the loss of routine in their day, the unsurity of the holiday itself family members and just plain anxious for it to happen.

(((Hugs))) hope your night and day tmrw goes better

 

[HaoZi]

*HUGS* darlin. It's rough when they explode now and then, doing it on a regular basis is worse. There have been times I could guarantee a major meltdown a couple times a day, and she can rage for HOURS. The Explosive Child helped, I borrowed from library and really need to get my own copy. You and your husband will really have to be on the same page to make it work and deescalate situations, more yelling simply doesn't help matters as I've learned from hard experience.
Hang in there, here you are among people who DO understand, really "get it" and know how it can encompass your entire life.

 

[TeDo]

Jena and HaoZi are totally correct. I have FINALLY realized that reacting at all to the rages is very counterproductive. When difficult child starts, easy child and I leave the room or house for a little while until it's over. difficult child calms down faster if there's no audience. As far as chores, difficult child frequently refuses but my reply is always "then no electronics, game, whatever he's planning" if it's not done in (so many) minutes. He will yell, slam, throw, pound, etc but usually does the chore because he knows I will not negotiate and will not change my mind. When he continues to refuse, I follow through with the loss of whatever privilege I said he was going to lose. It took some time and patience and ALOT of repetition before I could do it and he learned I wasn't joking.

Good Luck! You have come to the right place. Many smart parents who have been there done that. We have all cried, screamed, vented, and had our own little meltdowns more than once.