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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 712909" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Brokenhearted,</p><p>On another thread, <span style="font-size: 15px"><em>30 Year Old BiPolar Daughter Going Downhill</em><span style="font-size: 15px"><em>, </em>[USER=21870]@Denise2017[/USER] asked the same question: </span>I posted a response on the other thread. Here is some of my response to Denise , pasted below, in case you do not see it on on the other thread.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 15px">----------------- </span></p><p>Everyone’s situation and relationship with their difficult child is different. In my opinion, I would NOT reach out to him. Why would you reach out? To do what? A week is a very short span. Give it time and patience (I know this is hard to do, but enjoy the peace and freedom from needing to immediately deal with drama. ) Right now tell yourself " <em>There is nothing I need to do right now.</em>" I often think that with difficult children “No news is good news.” Start to let it go... to let her go…to let old patterns go. This is a necessary loss.</p><p></p><p>If he does not connect with you for some very long time, and you <em>really must</em> contact, limit a very short text to say something like ~ “<em>Haven’t heard from you. Glad you are working things out.” </em>Then realize that he may or may not respond. If no response, then accept that. If he then replies with more drama, thinking you want to start up the old dynamics, you can choose to not reply.</p><p></p><p>There are often posts on the threads of “<em>things to say</em>” to your difficult child if, for some reason, you feel you really need to answer his phone call or text, etc. It’s recommended to keep a list handy of these quick responses, to remind you to stay calm and disconnect soon / to keep it short and cordial. You don’t need to elaborate on any of the replies. Just the quick answer, with the purpose of quickly ending the way the conversation is going. With each new response back from him, you can answer with a different short phrase.</p><p></p><p>I found it empowering just to have a list handy of things to say, each time I saw my son's name come up on the phone or text.</p><p></p><p>There is a very old thread (<em>List of things to say when detaching</em>), which brainstormed some ideas. Here’s the link to it, if you'd like to check it out > <a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/" target="_blank">List of things to say when detaching</a></p><p></p><p>Here are a few handy phrases: taken from that thread:</p><p></p><p>"Well, I'm sure you'll work it out."</p><p></p><p>"That sounds interesting."</p><p></p><p>"Good for you, honey!"</p><p></p><p>"How are you handling that?"</p><p></p><p>"That must make you feel good." / "That must make you feel bad."</p><p></p><p>"I'll need to talk to your dad about that."</p><p></p><p>"I don't have an answer right now. I'll do some research, if I have time ."</p><p></p><p>"Sorry, I'm on my way out the door right now and can't talk!"</p><p></p><p>"I need some time to think about that. I'll get back to you." (<em>then no need to get back or very much later</em>.)</p><p></p><p>"What's your opinion?" “I see”</p><p></p><p>"I'm sorry, honey." “You’ll figure it out.”</p><p></p><p>"Gotta go now. Things to do "</p><p>---------------------</p><p>As soon as anything turns ugly, you can immediately cease the conversation. Learning these new ways is not easy, but you will begin to feel liberated and build your confidence. We are all in this together.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 712909, member: 19617"] Brokenhearted, On another thread, [SIZE=4][I]30 Year Old BiPolar Daughter Going Downhill[/I][SIZE=4][I], [/I][USER=21870]@Denise2017[/USER] asked the same question: [/SIZE]I posted a response on the other thread. Here is some of my response to Denise , pasted below, in case you do not see it on on the other thread. ----------------- [/SIZE] Everyone’s situation and relationship with their difficult child is different. In my opinion, I would NOT reach out to him. Why would you reach out? To do what? A week is a very short span. Give it time and patience (I know this is hard to do, but enjoy the peace and freedom from needing to immediately deal with drama. ) Right now tell yourself " [I]There is nothing I need to do right now.[/I]" I often think that with difficult children “No news is good news.” Start to let it go... to let her go…to let old patterns go. This is a necessary loss. If he does not connect with you for some very long time, and you [I]really must[/I] contact, limit a very short text to say something like ~ “[I]Haven’t heard from you. Glad you are working things out.” [/I]Then realize that he may or may not respond. If no response, then accept that. If he then replies with more drama, thinking you want to start up the old dynamics, you can choose to not reply. There are often posts on the threads of “[I]things to say[/I]” to your difficult child if, for some reason, you feel you really need to answer his phone call or text, etc. It’s recommended to keep a list handy of these quick responses, to remind you to stay calm and disconnect soon / to keep it short and cordial. You don’t need to elaborate on any of the replies. Just the quick answer, with the purpose of quickly ending the way the conversation is going. With each new response back from him, you can answer with a different short phrase. I found it empowering just to have a list handy of things to say, each time I saw my son's name come up on the phone or text. There is a very old thread ([I]List of things to say when detaching[/I]), which brainstormed some ideas. Here’s the link to it, if you'd like to check it out > [URL='https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/list-of-things-to-say-when-detaching.685/']List of things to say when detaching[/URL] Here are a few handy phrases: taken from that thread: "Well, I'm sure you'll work it out." "That sounds interesting." "Good for you, honey!" "How are you handling that?" "That must make you feel good." / "That must make you feel bad." "I'll need to talk to your dad about that." "I don't have an answer right now. I'll do some research, if I have time ." "Sorry, I'm on my way out the door right now and can't talk!" "I need some time to think about that. I'll get back to you." ([I]then no need to get back or very much later[/I].) "What's your opinion?" “I see” "I'm sorry, honey." “You’ll figure it out.” "Gotta go now. Things to do " --------------------- As soon as anything turns ugly, you can immediately cease the conversation. Learning these new ways is not easy, but you will begin to feel liberated and build your confidence. We are all in this together. [/QUOTE]
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