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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751672" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My quote thing isn't working but if it was I would have put "imposing on our generosity."</p><p></p><p>If I can put myself in your son's shoes, I would feel bad about myself being home. I wouldn't be thinking about my parents' generosity. I would think about the fact that I would want to be independent, free, self-sustaining and without obligation. I would want to NOT have anybody around who thinks they have a right to say anything to me. Even if they do. I suspect you paid for college; at least the lion's share. You DO have the right to speak up about bad behavior, in my view. Just because he does one (important) thing right (Magna Cum Laude--GREAT) does not mean you have to become deaf, dumb and blind to everything else.</p><p></p><p>At the same time, thinking as son, I would be frustrated and pissed about myself that I have to be home. And everybody around me would suffer, because I am angry at myself to have to be home. I would blame myself for shirking to the extent that I did, and not listening to my mother (which I would NEVER admit.) I would recognize that SHE was right about the job prep and internship. (But NOT about the mj.)</p><p></p><p>This is an age-appropriate attitude. It is not reasonable. It is not necessarily aware. It is not fair. It just is.</p><p></p><p>Please forgive yourself for the conversation. Those kinds of conversations happen for all of us. Let it go. Your son is using that conversation as a (false) way to label his ill-feelings. It's like a handy container so that he does not have to feel bad about himself.</p><p></p><p>Wise. Please be kind to yourself and let this one go. Let him be. To stew in his own juices. Why do you need to marinate? You don't. That's what I think.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751672, member: 18958"] My quote thing isn't working but if it was I would have put "imposing on our generosity." If I can put myself in your son's shoes, I would feel bad about myself being home. I wouldn't be thinking about my parents' generosity. I would think about the fact that I would want to be independent, free, self-sustaining and without obligation. I would want to NOT have anybody around who thinks they have a right to say anything to me. Even if they do. I suspect you paid for college; at least the lion's share. You DO have the right to speak up about bad behavior, in my view. Just because he does one (important) thing right (Magna Cum Laude--GREAT) does not mean you have to become deaf, dumb and blind to everything else. At the same time, thinking as son, I would be frustrated and pissed about myself that I have to be home. And everybody around me would suffer, because I am angry at myself to have to be home. I would blame myself for shirking to the extent that I did, and not listening to my mother (which I would NEVER admit.) I would recognize that SHE was right about the job prep and internship. (But NOT about the mj.) This is an age-appropriate attitude. It is not reasonable. It is not necessarily aware. It is not fair. It just is. Please forgive yourself for the conversation. Those kinds of conversations happen for all of us. Let it go. Your son is using that conversation as a (false) way to label his ill-feelings. It's like a handy container so that he does not have to feel bad about himself. Wise. Please be kind to yourself and let this one go. Let him be. To stew in his own juices. Why do you need to marinate? You don't. That's what I think. [/QUOTE]
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