Basically NEW RULE in house - if he touches you, you call police and press charges
I love the bodyguard idea. I wish I had thought of it. My son was not physical with me, but he had control of the space. Perhaps I could have gained control earlier.
DesiL. I am glad you are here. I hope you stay. If you look at it one way, turning your child over to the State is just formalizing what he has already decided. He has already decided to invalidate and override every single thing you stand for and you want for him, for yourself and for your home. To turn his custody to the state is just conforming the facts as they are.
The most important thing you can do for your son is to stop allowing him to hurt you or to disrespect you. If he is allowed to keep doing that, it reinforces the idea that he himself is out of control and hopeless. You gaining control--is the model through which he can eventually gain control over his behavior and himself and his life.
And steps you take to regain your power are in your child's interests.
The way I see it, surrendering your parental rights is a legal decision, not a moral one. There are many many parents who have done so, who have ill children--and this is the only way their children can secure the necessary treatment. It is like husbands and wives who have to divorce so that necessary medical treatment does not bankrupt the family.
You are not giving up on your child, you are setting a boundary that may help him save himself.
I hope you keep posting. Take care.
Actually, I do not believe ODD is necessarily that serious in an ongoing way. It can be, or not. Your son has had his share of struggles--being gay is not a piece of cake, even though it may be easier than in earlier decades. Losing one's father, too, no matter what his age when it happened. *The newsman Anderson Cooper on CNN is Gay and lost his dad at age 11 or thereabouts. You have had your share of pain, too. I am sorry.