Dear Daddy,

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by tinamarie1, May 27, 2009.

  1. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    (I just really need to get this out, sorry)

    You passed away a year ago this month. Strangely, I had not thought about you alot until this month. Then it dawned on me that a year ago I kissed you goodbye, held your hand one last time, cried when we buried you. I wish that I had tried harder to be close to you. I wish that I had come to see you more before you got sick. I wish that I had been more accepting of your alcoholism and not wanted to just turn away from the hurtful parts. I layed in bed this morning thinking of the good times we had. You took me to Disney World, the beach, to work with you. We would watch the Carol Burnett show together, you let me put sponge rollers in your hair and you fell asleep in your chair.
    I think I am healing from the hurt between us. Instead of those memories, I now can focus more on how much I loved you. You made some bad mistakes, but you were and will always be my Daddy. I would give anything if I could call you and hear your voice. You would say "hey kiddo" and I would smile and say "hi daddy". You would ask about the kids and husband. Tell me about your garden you planted and about football teams.
    It hurts to think that I can't see you or send you a fathers day card & gifts. I want so bad to hold your hand one last time. To look into your eyes even though I know you are not there anymore. To whisper in your ear that I forgive you and I love you so much.
    I miss you Daddy.
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I'm so sorry, Tina. Huge cyber hugs.

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911


    I belive that your Dad is in a place where he is no longer and alcoholic, feels great, doesn't hurt anymore and will see you again - only healthy and forgiving of everything.

    Sending you a hug for missing your Daddy.

  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    That was very touching and somewhere he is feeling you and these words of yours.

    Big hugs
  5. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Don't be too hard on yourself for wanting to stay away. Alcoholism changes people into very ugly things. Obviously, it doesn't change how much you miss the best part of him and those memories are the best. Sending hugs.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Star took the words right out of my mouth. Big hugs to you.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Tinamarie, I'm so sorry for your pain. Thank you for sharing.

    Big hugs,
  9. tinamarie1

    tinamarie1 Member

    thanks ladies. today was just really hard and i needed a place to vent
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Here's a shoulder to lean on.....(((hugs)))
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Ohh, thinking of you tinamarie.

    You are so blessed to have had a dad that you love so much.
    Hey ya know...I don't see a reason you can't still pick out and write in a father's day card. Maybe it's just me but I would think sharing your real feelings and remembering still loving your father the way you do and expressing it is a very healing thing.

    caring hugs,