(I just really need to get this out, sorry) You passed away a year ago this month. Strangely, I had not thought about you alot until this month. Then it dawned on me that a year ago I kissed you goodbye, held your hand one last time, cried when we buried you. I wish that I had tried harder to be close to you. I wish that I had come to see you more before you got sick. I wish that I had been more accepting of your alcoholism and not wanted to just turn away from the hurtful parts. I layed in bed this morning thinking of the good times we had. You took me to Disney World, the beach, to work with you. We would watch the Carol Burnett show together, you let me put sponge rollers in your hair and you fell asleep in your chair. I think I am healing from the hurt between us. Instead of those memories, I now can focus more on how much I loved you. You made some bad mistakes, but you were and will always be my Daddy. I would give anything if I could call you and hear your voice. You would say "hey kiddo" and I would smile and say "hi daddy". You would ask about the kids and husband. Tell me about your garden you planted and about football teams. It hurts to think that I can't see you or send you a fathers day card & gifts. I want so bad to hold your hand one last time. To look into your eyes even though I know you are not there anymore. To whisper in your ear that I forgive you and I love you so much. I miss you Daddy.