Decision Time


New Member
I have come to the realization that I am just not capable of sitting back and enjoying a normal life while watching our 16 y/o difficult child go full throttle ahead into the abyss. One day I’m on board with it (knowing it’s not all about me – it’s about him growing up his way and learning from his mistakes) and the next day I have this dreaded feeling of panic that I must DO SOMETHING to counteract his behaviors (still knowing it’s not all about me – it’s about him growing up his way and learning from his mistakes but isn’t it our job as parents to make sure they have a good chance of growing up?). Even if it ends up being for naught at least we tried something.

Current situation is he is off of house-arrest :bravo:, still hasn’t found a job :crying: but insists he’s just waiting for the ‘call’ :rofl: to start at a restaurant as a dishwasher (same place where another one of his druggie 19 y/o pals work – that kid just got out of jail after 2 days – stopped for some minor violation but had 2 attachments – car impounded and now he rides his bike (sorry, not his bike, another difficult child’s little brother’s bike) to work – what a role mode to aspire to) :hammer:. Here I am speaking ill of this kid but at least he graduated high school & lives on his own.

difficult child also insists he’s not doing any drugs but he’s not kidding anyone in their right mind (even though my husband still falls for his excuses) :surprise:. We brought him several days ago to the PO to have a drug screen (results take quite a few days to come back so we haven’t got confirmation yet) then I suspect the next day he smoked weed & took Ecstasy – so I stopped & picked up a drug test from the pharmacy – long story short every panel came back negative (even marijuana) however, urine didn’t look like urine to me (husband even went into the bathroom with-him but wasn’t exactly scrutinizing his every move) he explained in his usual matter-of-fact way “I’ve been drinking a lot of water lately & that must have affected the color”. I don’t believe him. Next day I requested husband take him to PO again for yet another screen – they must think we’re nuts. I suspect we will have both results within the next few days. :grrr:

I guess I’m just looking for a vote of confidence :thumb: or been there done that rationale :thumbsdown:for why or why not I should proceed. My plan is (if the tests are positive – which everyone on the planet knows they will be except my husband) to immediately transport him to another rehab center; one that is on our insurance plan, then upon his release put him directly into a wilderness camp for another 30+ days. Upon his return home he will have a clear and drug-free head, hopefully do some soul searching and be competent to make a decision concerning what HE WANTS to do with his life. During his away time husband & I will get some counseling :doctor: and come up with a game plan for what we will and will not tolerate from him. I haven’t exactly worked all that out yet. Obvious things will be go the GED route or traditional diploma – either way we will support HIS decision. If he wants to attend college, we will support and pay for that. If not, he will need to get a full-time job while living with us.

As usual, thanks for listening and thanks most for your input. I apologize for all of the icons but it's new to me :smile:


Oh Nola I hear you. You've got my vote.

My difficult child I stormed out of the house 2night after not getting his way, now he just came back proclaiming he's just here for his clothes, I feel guilty, because I am to the point of "whatever" with him. I am thankful he's not in "major" trouble (yet) but I can't help but feel that his "attitude" is leading him to it quickly.



New Member
Although my son is not doing well at this time, I think that placing him in a group home to make him get his GED and then working with the courts to make him go thru rehab helps me sleep at night.

He has a GED and in a moment of sober thought he did thank me for making him get it.

He has the tools to seek help and work the program to get clean when the day comes that he is ready.

You have two yrs to make an impact, after that he is an adult that can do as he chooses.

Your plan sounds great to me.

P.S. My son has never had a positive test, he admitted to and was seen with drugs but always got around the test somehow


New Member
One other thing I wanted to add..

Looking back the main downfall I witnessed in my son trying to change his ways was coming back here.

I believe each time he returned home he wanted to change, but slowly either he sought out his old buddies or they sought him and once they were reunited he went straight down hill again.

Maybe finding your son a new place away from old triggers and old buddies would help in his changing.

Sending you (((hugs))) I know how hard it is



New Member
As the parent of your own specific difficult child, you have to do all you need to do and you will, until you get tired and sick from doing so,....and you will! :hammer:
Your difficult child is only 16, but in some states that makes it his decison whether he stays in rehab or check the laws in your area. I say this because in our case my difficult child walked from places numerous times and I was told at 16 she can only stay on a "voluntary" basis.....NY is hard. :hammer:
If you suspect he's been using, he probably has...always go with your gut. It will come up positive eventually.
I am so sorry you are having to endure this.......
Just know that we do understand.

Melissa :angel:


New Member
Hi guys,

Just wanted to say hi and thanks for your input. Unfortunately, my suspicions were correct on the marijuana. Like there was ANY doubt! Do you know if 115 ng is a high/average/low test result? That is sooo confusing. Because of the different labs, etc., - the one I did at home & submitted to the lab in CA came back with- a level of 1,845 ng/mL - yikes! That can't be the same "apples to apples" could it?

We go yet again tomorrow to his PO & before the judge in a week or so. Will keep you posted.

Thanks so much for being there -- it really, really helps me get through the days.