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Decisions, decisions... Now what??
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 679164" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Welcome to our little corner of the world LMack,</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry you had to find us but glad you did. As you have already figured out there are many of us here who have difficult adult children.</p><p></p><p>Ultimately you can only do what you and your husband are comfortable with. I will tell you this, being united in what you and your husband decide is so very important. Do not allow the actions of your son to come between you and your husband.</p><p></p><p>If it were me I would withdraw financial support for school. Is there someone geographically close to him that could get a message to him? If not you might consider sending him a certified letter explaining why you are withdrawing financial support. I would be very clear and spell out the boundaries as to why you are doing it and what is expected of him for you to reconsider paying again. I will warn you that when you cut off money to your son there very well may some ugly backlash.</p><p> </p><p>Some things to consider for regaining trust:</p><p>He must submit to random drug testing.</p><p>He must attend a support group like AA.</p><p>H must maintain passing grades.</p><p></p><p>On the positive side, he is young, it's his first year at college. While I don't condone the behavior it could be his way of "testing" the waters. It is not uncommon for college freshman to go off the rails for a while and make a course correction and get things back on track.</p><p></p><p>The biggest thing is to nip it in the bud by sending him a clear message of what you will and won't put up with. Whatever you and your husband decide to do stick to your guns. When we stop giving money to our Difficult Child they will resort to all kinds of manipulation to try and make us feel guilty, to wear us down so that we will give into them. Be on your guard.</p><p></p><p>Stay in touch and let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you..............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 679164, member: 18516"] Welcome to our little corner of the world LMack, I'm so sorry you had to find us but glad you did. As you have already figured out there are many of us here who have difficult adult children. Ultimately you can only do what you and your husband are comfortable with. I will tell you this, being united in what you and your husband decide is so very important. Do not allow the actions of your son to come between you and your husband. If it were me I would withdraw financial support for school. Is there someone geographically close to him that could get a message to him? If not you might consider sending him a certified letter explaining why you are withdrawing financial support. I would be very clear and spell out the boundaries as to why you are doing it and what is expected of him for you to reconsider paying again. I will warn you that when you cut off money to your son there very well may some ugly backlash. Some things to consider for regaining trust: He must submit to random drug testing. He must attend a support group like AA. H must maintain passing grades. On the positive side, he is young, it's his first year at college. While I don't condone the behavior it could be his way of "testing" the waters. It is not uncommon for college freshman to go off the rails for a while and make a course correction and get things back on track. The biggest thing is to nip it in the bud by sending him a clear message of what you will and won't put up with. Whatever you and your husband decide to do stick to your guns. When we stop giving money to our Difficult Child they will resort to all kinds of manipulation to try and make us feel guilty, to wear us down so that we will give into them. Be on your guard. Stay in touch and let us know how things are going. ((HUGS)) to you.............. [/QUOTE]
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Decisions, decisions... Now what??
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