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Substance Abuse
deep hole in the sidewalk is still there
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<blockquote data-quote="Percy" data-source="post: 706145" data-attributes="member: 21263"><p>I am a volunteer crisis advocate of victims of sexual assault and domestic violence, so while I am not an expert, I have had much first hand contact with similar situations. Maybe I can offer some objective context that will be helpful.</p><p></p><p> It takes women and average of 7 times leaving an abuser to actually leave for good. The fact that your daughter didn't drop him for good the first time she "left him" (or stated she wanted out, begged your for help, etc. which is probably the 15 year old equivalent of leaving and going to your sister's/mother's/friends for the weekend and then going back) is not surprising. The yo-yo dynamic is a familiar one in respect of abusive relationships (abusive in any manner - physically and/or verbally and/or emotionally and/or financially and/or surveilling/control.)</p><p></p><p>There may be elements of teen selfish manipulative behavior too - you know your daughter best -- but I wanted to note that sincerely wanting to leave an abusive relationship, and even leaving, but then going back, and sincerely wanting to be back in the relationship, is incredibly common. Abuse is about power and control. A victim's normative baseline shifts; they adapt to a new normal for many reasons. So, when someone is the victim of an abusive partner, it often takes several times until the cognitive dissonance between the relationship as imagined and hoped for, and the reality, becomes great enough for the victim to start to perceive the dissonance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Percy, post: 706145, member: 21263"] I am a volunteer crisis advocate of victims of sexual assault and domestic violence, so while I am not an expert, I have had much first hand contact with similar situations. Maybe I can offer some objective context that will be helpful. It takes women and average of 7 times leaving an abuser to actually leave for good. The fact that your daughter didn't drop him for good the first time she "left him" (or stated she wanted out, begged your for help, etc. which is probably the 15 year old equivalent of leaving and going to your sister's/mother's/friends for the weekend and then going back) is not surprising. The yo-yo dynamic is a familiar one in respect of abusive relationships (abusive in any manner - physically and/or verbally and/or emotionally and/or financially and/or surveilling/control.) There may be elements of teen selfish manipulative behavior too - you know your daughter best -- but I wanted to note that sincerely wanting to leave an abusive relationship, and even leaving, but then going back, and sincerely wanting to be back in the relationship, is incredibly common. Abuse is about power and control. A victim's normative baseline shifts; they adapt to a new normal for many reasons. So, when someone is the victim of an abusive partner, it often takes several times until the cognitive dissonance between the relationship as imagined and hoped for, and the reality, becomes great enough for the victim to start to perceive the dissonance. [/QUOTE]
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deep hole in the sidewalk is still there
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